Matilda1996

[Harry comes home after another successful day of selling inherently faulty used cars and ripping off the buyers]

Harry:
I'm great! I'm incredible! Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen.

Zinnia:
Did we sell some cars today, honeydew?

Harry:
[grins] Did we! [kisses her] Mwah!

Zinnia:
Does that mean I can get that new TV?

Harry:
Yeah. [to Michael] Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. It's time you learned the family business. Sit down. Write this down. All right. The first car your brilliant father sold cost $320. I sold it for $1,158. The second one cost $512. I sold it for $2,269.

Michael:
Wait, Dad, you're going too fast.

Harry:
Just write. The 3rd cost $68. I sold it for $999. And the 4th cost $1,100. I sold it for 7,839 big American boffos!

Zinnia:
Oh, Harry! [kisses him]

Harry:
What was my profit for the day?

Michael:
Could you repeat the last one?

Matilda:
[interrupting] $10,265. [long pause] Check it, if you don't believe me.

[Harry, Zinnia, and Michael all check the paper, and find it to be correct]

Harry:
You're a little cheat! You saw the paper.

Matilda:
From all the way over here?

Harry:
[pause] Are you being smart with me? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're gonna be punished!

Matilda:
Punished for being smart?

Harry:
For being a smart aleck! When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson.

Matilda:
"Person"?

Harry:
Get up, get up! [takes her to her room]

Narrator:
Harry Wormwood had, unintentionally, given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He meant to say, "When a child is bad." Instead, he said, "When a person is bad." And thereby introduced a revolutionary idea that children could punish their parents. Only when they deserved it, of course.