Black Adder the Third1987

Blackadder:
Right. Now all we have to do is fill in this MP application form. Name: Baldrick. First name...?

Baldrick:
Er, I'm not sure.

Blackadder:
Well, you must have some idea...

Baldrick:
Well, it might be Sod off.

Blackadder:
What?

Baldrick:
Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes, "Hello, my name's Baldrick," and they'd say, "Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick."

Blackadder:
All right, right right right right, Mr. S. Baldrick. Now; distinguishing features... None.

Baldrick:
Well, I've got this big growth in the middle of my face.

Blackadder:
That's your nose, Baldrick. Now; any history of insanity in the family? Tell you what, I'll cross out the in. Any history of *sanity* in the family? None whatsoever. Now then; criminal record...

Baldrick:
Absolutely not.

Blackadder:
Oh, come on, Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake! I'll just put fraud and sexual deviancy. Now; minimum bribe level...

Baldrick:
One turnip. Oh, hang on, I don't want to price myself out of the market.

Blackadder:
Baldrick, I've always been meaning to ask: Do you have any ambitions in life apart from the acquisition of turnips?

Baldrick:
Er, no.

Blackadder:
So what would you do if I gave you a thousand pounds?

Baldrick:
I'd get a little turnip of my own.

Blackadder:
So what would you do if I gave you a million pounds?

Baldrick:
Oh, that's different. I'd get a great big turnip in the country.

Blackadder:
[someone knocks at the door] Oh God, I'll get that. Here [pushes paper to Baldrick], sign here. [motions where with his hand; Baldrick marks an 'X' on Edmund's palm; Edmund presses his palm against the application]