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Richie:
[opening a birthday letter] Here's one from all the lads on the Ark Royal. Bless 'em! They never forget an old serviceman.

Eddie:
By "serviceman", I take you mean that time you got caught on board pretending to be the captain? Just to impress Ethel Cardew.

Richie:
It worked.

Eddie:
No it didn't. She got off with the arresting officer.

Richie:
Yeah, well, it worked for him. Anyway, stop trying to spoil my birthday! Look, it says here: "Best wishes from all the lads on the Ark Royal".

Eddie:
But it's in your handwriting! You've been sending it to yourself for the last seven years! [Picks up a few cards] This one's from Rod Steiger, this one's from Abba, with "Happy Christmas 1973" written inside it, and this one is from the People of the Soviet Union, "In grateful thanks to comrade Richie"!

Richie:
[pauses] It's in Russian.

Eddie:
You just put the 'R's the wrong way around!