Chappelle's Show2003

[R. Kelly jury selection hearing]

Dave Chappelle:
Listen, lady, the burden of proof is on the state. [shouts] On the State! You have got to prove - *to me* - beyond a reasonable doubt whether or not this man is a pisser.

Prosecutor:
Aren't your doubts unreasonable?

Dave Chappelle:
No, it's not unreasonable. We're talking about a justice system that had 500 people whose cases were overturned by DNA evidence. I seen a tape where five cops beat up a nigga and they said that they had a reasonable doubt. I got my doubts too! All right? How come they never found Biggie and Tupac's murderers, but they could arrest O.J. the next day. Nicole Simpson can't rap!

[pounds hand on witness stand]

Dave Chappelle:
[shouts] I want justice! You're out of order, Miss!

[grabs judge's gavel and begins to pound]

Dave Chappelle:
[shouts] This whole goddamn court is out of order. Everybody!

Prosecutor:
[after whispering to her partner] Mr. Chappelle, you're dismissed.

Dave Chappelle:
[pees on prosecutors while seated at the witness stand] And that's from the heart!