Golan the Insatiable2013

["Tutor Town:
Where a Kid Can Be a Student"]

Tutor:
Now your parents may have told you that there is no shame in not knowing how to read yet. But they're wrong. My brother *never* learned to read. Then he killed himself. He couldn't even write a real suicide note, just a bunch of frowny faces. [awkward pause] Now let's get started! You all need to find a learning buddy. So pair off.

[Dylan looks around at the other kids, but they are all intimidated by her and flinch away]

Tutor:
Uh, Dylan, since you're a social outcast, like my brother... [Tutor sighs]... your reading buddy will be Swingley!

Swingley:
I can draw a map of the United States from memory, wanna see me hold my breath until I pass out?

Dylan Beekler:
Let me check: no!

Swingley:
Okay, I'll show you.

[Swingley takes a deep breath]

Dylan Beekler:
[looking away] I'm ignoring you!

[Swingley lifts his shirt and starts drawing an amazingly accurate map on his chest with a green crayon]

Dylan Beekler:
[glances over] I don't even know if you're getting that map right or not.

[Swingley continues drawing]

Dylan Beekler:
[now watching] Whoa, you're really turning blue!

[as Swingley finishes the map, he bangs his head on the desk and falls to the floor]

Swingley:
[weakly] Done.

Dylan Beekler:
[to herself] Whoa, bad-ass!