Lovejoy1986

Tinker Dill:
I was in the army with a bloke who tried to top himself, once.

Eric Catchpole:
'ow'd he do it?

Tinker Dill:
Well after a great deal of thought, he settled on hanging.

Eric Catchpole:
Hanging? hmm.

Tinker Dill:
He found a tree with a branch that stretched right out over the sea...

Eric Catchpole:
Spectacular.

Tinker Dill:
...and to save himself pain, he took an overdose of pills...

Eric Catchpole:
Wasn't leavin' anything to chance, was 'e?

Tinker Dill:
...and just to make trebly sure, he decided to shoot himself.

Eric Catchpole:
What happened?

Tinker Dill:
Well he slipped the noose 'round his neck, cocked the pistol, swallowed the pills, and stepped out over the cliff.

Eric Catchpole:
...and...

Tinker Dill:
Well the jerk of the rope ruined his aim. The bullet missed his head, cut the rope, he dropped like a stone into the sea, swallowed so much salt water that he vomited up the pills, and swam back to shore a better and a wiser man Gunga Din. Last I heard he was growing chrysanth's in Yarmouth.