Pets2001

Trevor:
Do you believe in life after death?

Hamish:
No, because if there was life after death, we wouldn't call death 'death', because it would still be life. So I think what you're asking is "is there life after life?", which is a really stupid question.

Trevor:
Don't know, do ya?

Hamish:
Of course I don't f***ing know! I'm not dead, am I? Although I suspect that having a conversation with you is tantamount to being dead. Anyway, why the sudden interest in death?

Trevor:
I'm in a bit of trouble.

Hamish:
What sort of trouble?

Trevor:
Money trouble.

Hamish:
How much money?

Trevor:
Three thousand pounds.

Hamish:
[Incredulously] What?

Trevor:
Lost it on a horse on the one fifteen.

Hamish:
What horse?

Trevor:
The Stumbler, I think his name was.

Hamish:
Why the *hell* did you bet three thousand pounds on a horse called The Stumbler?

Trevor:
I thought he would win!

Hamish:
Where'd you get the money in the first place?

Trevor:
Borrowed it. I got a bookie in the smoke, bung's me the odd pony for the horses, see.

Hamish:
Will you *please* stop talking like you're in The Sweeney!

Trevor:
Sorry, sort of goes with the image...

Hamish:
Only if you're a c*nt!