The Colbert Report2005

Stephen Colbert:
["Formidable Opponent:" Stephen Colbert debating with Stephen Colbert on charity] But, I could take care of my minimal needs and send the rest of the money to the poor.

Stephen Colbert:
Okay, think about this: You could buy a $100,000 Mercedes S600, or you could buy a $10,000 pile of crap from Korea and give the left over 110,000 to...

Stephen Colbert:
An orphanage?

Stephen Colbert:
Whatever lets you sleep. One day, you go to check on your orphans. It's raining, and you don't have the benefits of that fine German engineering. You spin out of control. You're like a loose lawnmower blade. And what's that ahead? It's your orphans! They've come out into the street to thank you for your selfless gift.

Stephen Colbert:
Get out of the street orphans!

Stephen Colbert:
Oh, I forgot to mention: They're deaf.

Stephen Colbert:
Noooooo!

Stephen Colbert:
Yes. Yeah, tragedy. Tragedy all because you didn't care enough to make a difference for yourself.

Stephen Colbert:
Wow. You've really opened my eyes, Stephen. Say, um, does it have to be a car?

Stephen Colbert:
No, it could be a really sweet boat.