Upright Citizens Brigade1998

Leo:
We should stop focusing on this stupid space helmet plan and... and, and think of a way to defeat God!

Alderman:
That's a good idea! The only problem is, I don't like you, so we won't be using it. Now, we can only bring along the bare essentials on our trip. So I will require that everyone only take one CD, food, and celebrity to bring with you on our journey.

Bluto:
My favorite celebrity, I'm picking anybody from that show the O.J trial! I don't know why they canceled it.

Leo:
Aw, shouldn't we be choosing a favorite book?

Woman:
Sure, if you're a p*ssy!

Leo:
We're talking about building a new utopia. And I wanna live in a world where....you don't have to look at your own dookie before you flush it! The people are sick of it!

Alderman:
Wait a second! Who says you have to look at it?

Leo:
We all look at it! Admit it, Alderman!

Alderman:
We're not talking about whether I look at my own dookie right now. We're talking about what happens when this spaceship town hall makes contact with aliens!

Leo:
Are we? Or... are we talking about an alderman who looks at his own dookie every day, but he can't look his own consituents in the eyes and admit the truth?

Alderman:
I haven't looked at my own dookie in over seven years!

Postmaster:
What about other people's dookie?

Alderman:
Well, it's been at least four years. Definitely more than three, I don't have to answer these questions!

Woman:
Isn't it true, Alderman, that in college, your nickname was Shitty the Sh*t looker?

Alderman:
That was for a completly different reason.