Upright Citizens Brigade1998

Sandy:
[four NASA employees are saying the worst things they did to each other] Okay... Mike. After about a year of us working together at NASA, I had that spare set of keys to your apartment. So, one day I thought it would be a funny joke if I snuck into your apartment while you were out of town, went into your bathroom and... took a crap on your floor. [laughs]

Mike:
What? That terrified me, I thought it was a Mafia death threat!

Sandy:
Come on. Jesus, Mike, I didn't know this game was gonna be about judgement.

Mike:
I couldn't sleep after that! I'd lie awake clutching a butcher's knife!

Crow:
Mike, this isn't about winning or losing. We're just playing.

Sandy:
Yeah, really! I'm sure you did something to us that's just as bad.

Mike:
Al lright... well, Young, I played a prank on you.

Young:
Okay.

Mike:
You remember I sent you all those letters from Belgium? I never went to Belgium.

Young:
Well, that's okay, no big deal.

Mike:
No, no, no, that's not the prank. See, I felt so violated that someone had crapped on my bathroom floor, that I smeared the crap over the letters that I sent to you.

Sandy:
Eww!

Young:
You told me that was Belgium chocolate! I believed you!

Sandy:
Okay, don't get mad. This is not about judgement.

Young:
But why would somebody do something like that?

Mike:
I was in a rough place, I wasn't sleeping! Sandy crapped on my bathroom floor!

Crow:
Guys! We're not keeping score here, we're just playing.