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Lt. Barney Greenwald: And now we come to the man who should have stood trial. The Caine's favorite author. The Shakespeare whose testimony nearly sunk us all. Tell 'em, Keefer. Lt. Tom Keefer: No, you go ahead. You're telling it better. Lt. Barney Greenwald: You ought to read his testimony. He never even HEARD of Captain Queeg! Lt. Steve Maryk: Let's forget it, Barney. Lt. Barney Greenwald: Queeg was sick, he couldn't help himself. But you, you're real healthy. Only you didn't have one-tenth the guts that he had. Lt. Tom Keefer: Except I never fooled myself, Mr. Greenwald. Lt. Barney Greenwald: I wanna drink a toast to you, Mr. Keefer. From the beginning you hated the Navy. And then you thought up this whole idea and you managed to keep your skirts nice and starched and clean, even in the court martial. Steve Maryk will always be remembered as a mutineer. But you, you'll publish your novel, you'll make a million bucks, you'll marry a big movie star, and for the rest of your life you'll live with your conscience, if you have any. Here's to the real author of the Caine mutiny. Here's to you, Mr. Keefer. Lt. Barney Greenwald: If you wanna do anything about it, I'll be outside. I'm a lot drunker than you are - so it'll be a fair fight.

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