[Elvis is working as a wine waiter and has just delivered drinks to Simon and his friends]Simon: So, Elvis, are you finding your *three years* as a philosophy graduate helpful in your job?Elvis: Incredibly.Simon: Oh, good, good. You don't feel that the taxpayers' money has been poured down the drain, then?Elvis: Money, money, money! I hear the heart of an estate agent beating like a till. In my brief spell as a waiter, Simon, I have learned the answer to a question that has exercised philosophers down the ages.Simon: What question?Elvis: Is the external world real or is it just a figment of the imagination? Do you exist outside my mind? I now know that you do.Simon: How?Elvis: [snarls] Because I wouldn't have wasted my time inventing anyone as *futile* as you!Simon: [snarls] Ditto... with knobs on!Elvis: Precisely. Case proven.[pause]Elvis: [obsequiously] That'll be ?9.46, sir. Call it ?10 for cash.
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