Famous quotes by »

George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian. He was also an actor and author, and won four Grammy Awards for his comedy albums

Update this biography »
Complete biography of George Carlin »

2 fans

Sort by:PopularityA - Z

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Life.....is a series of dogs.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of ’em are stupider than that.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Keep thy religion to thyself.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Everyone smiles in the same language.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

– George Carlin

Rate it:

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

– George Carlin

Rate it:

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

The status quo sucks.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Weather forcast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight They never mention that part to us, do they

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

– George Carlin

Rate it:

Quotes from the news wire:

Lenny opened the doors for the comics today, he made it possible to think that someone could even be funny that way.

– George Carlin

Found on CNN 6 years ago

Share your thoughts on George Carlin's quotes with the community:

0 Comments

Notify me of new comments via email.

Quote of the Day Today's Quote | Archive

Would you like us to send you a FREE inspiring quote delivered to your inbox daily?

Citation

Use the citation below to add this author page to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"George Carlin Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 9 Dec. 2023. <https://www.quotes.net/authors/George+Carlin+Quotes>.

Missing a quote of George Carlin?

Know another good quote of George Carlin? Don't keep it to yourself!

The Web's Largest Resource for

Famous Quotes & Sayings

A Member Of The STANDS4 Network

Our favorite collection of

Famous Authors

Napoleon Bonaparte
1769 - 1821
George Bernard Shaw
1856 - 1950
Winston Churchill
1874 - 1965
Jane Austen
1775 - 1817
Helen Keller
1880 - 1968
Mahatma Gandhi
1869 - 1948
George Washington
1732 - 1799

Browse Quotes.net

#A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Quiz

Are you a quotes master?

Who said: "If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled a radical 60 years ago, a liberal 30 years ago and a racist today."?

A. Barack Obama
B. Ron Paul
C. Thomas Sowell
D. Larry Elder