Sort by:PopularityA - Z
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
Weather forcast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight They never mention that part to us, do they
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Quotes from the news wire:
Share your thoughts on George Carlin's quotes with the community:
Would you like us to send you a FREE inspiring quote delivered to your inbox daily?
Use the citation below to add this author page to your bibliography:
"George Carlin Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 16 Jun 2019. <https://www.quotes.net/authors/George+Carlin+Quotes>.