Sort by:PopularityA - Z
Don't forget to take life one day at a time because if you miss a day or two it's called being in a coma.
A Soulution to Rubik's Cube is not a series of individual good guesses, each surmounting move has twelve to one odds against success. It is a series of perplexed movements or algorithms that form a coherent method of returning back to it's original (correct) state.
Any Terrorist living in the US will either leave or the people of the United States will eliminate you.
One time I was at the Doctors office and the Doctor asked me if I was allergic to anything. I said "Yes, poison.
Translogic: A comment or statement that sounds logical and makes sense at the time it is said but when later closely examined it actually makes no sense at all.
I use to put ant poison on my front lawn but I actually found that putting sugar on my neighbor's lawn works just as well.
When I was young my Dad told me that Alcohol kills thousands of brain cells and he said, "son . . . you're not the smartest kid in your class"!
Every 7 seconds there is a woman somewhere in the world giving birth to a child. We must find that woman and stop her!
When I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread out over a soccer field so that the kids can kick my ash.
A few years ago I made a New Years Resolution never to make another New Years Resolution again and so far it's the only one that I have actually kept.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most birthdays live the longest.
Everybody who sets out to prove that God exists succeeds and everybody who sets out to prove that God does not exist also succeeds.
Everyone's personality is a manifestation of their combined past experiences. If you are able to observe and interpret someone's behavior, you will eventually be able to predict that person's behavior as well.
I am such a firm believer in the idea of "Free Press" so much that I took my neighbors newspaper off his porch this morning.
I have a For Sale sign on my car so if I forget where I parked my car I just wait for someone to call me and I ask them where my car is at.
I heard of a guy who had a heart attack and died when he realized that he had just won the Lottery! What are the odds of that?
I know that there is a light at the end of my tunnel . . . it's usually a train heading straight towards me.
I might not be a Nobel Peace Prize winner but I know that the opposite of love is not indifference, it's hate. Indifference would be the fulcrum (center point) between love and hate. To think otherwise is ludicrous.
I owned a mountain cabin once that had hot and cold running water . . . hot in the summer and cold in the winter.
I remember when I was young I had a real bad identity crisis. So one day I went to my father and I asked him "Wo Chong, was I adopted?".
I think it's funny how some people can think about eternity but the same people think that the earth is only 6,000 years old.
I think that a women has the right to kill her unborn child just as much as that child has a right to kill their mother after they are born.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I use to play the saxophone before I was married but my fiancee didn't like the fact that I was performing Premarital Sax!
I've learned to live in the moment because yesterday is history and tomorrow is a million miles away.
In high school the closest I ever got to being on the honor roll was yes your honor and no your honor.
In most relationships there is usually a giver and a taker. The giver will give and the taker will take until the giver can't give anymore.
It's easier to believe something that can't be proven than to disbelieve it when it is eventually dis-proven by facts.
Math Problem: What does Three take away Two equal? I can prove that Three take away Two equals Two. Don't believe me? OK, you have Three apples I take away Two apples, how many apples do I have?
My ex-wife thought that the grass was greener on the other side . . . so now she's mowing someone else's lawn.
Since the beginning of time man has done three things when he communicates both in speaking and in the written form. He will Generalize, Omit & Exaggerate.
Some people care more about that happened a 100 thousand years ago than they care where they will be in 100 years from now.
Thank God for white paint because many of my paintings have paintings underneath them because I'm a perfectionist and if I don't like my art I'm pretty sure no one else will.
THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE”, “WEALTH is having things money can’t buy” Health and Family and Love and Friendships”!(COMPASSION)!
The Colon key on my keyboard doesn't work when I press down the shift button. Does anyone know of a good Colon cleanser that can help me get my shift together.
The first time I ever did stand up comedy a guy yelled out "Down in front". So I just sat down and watched the rest of the movie.
The only way that I can see America ever becoming a strong nation again is to stop being a debtor nation and to begin spending less than is taxed on it's people.
The soul and the consensus are one in the same, when the soul leaves the body so does the consensusness.
There is a big difference between Assigned Prestige and Achieved Prestige. Assigned Prestige will usually abuse it's power where Achieved Prestige won't.
They say keep looking up, things could get worse. So I kept looking up and sure enough things got worse.
Time is the measurement of the rotation of the Earths Surface around the Circumference of it's Axis.
Today is 08/26/2018 Mark my words, sometime before the 2020 election the liberals are going say they're not illegals, they're Americans just like us. North American's, South American's and Central American's.
When I was in High School the closest I had ever been to being on the Honor Roll was Yes your Honor and No your Honor.
When I was young I used to date homeless chicks, they weren't very picky and at the end of the date I could just drop them off at any corner.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
You hear preachers say that the prosperity gospel doesn't work but I say that it's worked for the preachers who preach it.