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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats.
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.
I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, and receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time.
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things.
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.
There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Quotes from the news wire:
I never read anything about me, these interviews I do, anything. I said everything I had to say about that whole issue in the New York Times, i have moved so far past it. I never think about it. I work. I said I was never going to comment on it again. I said everything I have to say about it. When asked by Variety if he ’ll ever read the piece, Woody Allen responded with a lengthy answer — that compared a son’s indictment of his father to a bad review.
I started the relationship with her and I thought it would just be a fling. It wouldn’t be serious, but it had a life of its own. And I never thought it would be anything more. Then we started going together, then we started living together, and we were enjoying it. And the age difference didn’t seem to matter. It seemed to work in our favor actually.