Lab Rats

Announcer:
The world's first bionic superhumans. They're stronger than us, faster, smarter... The next generation of the human race is...

Leo Dooley:
...living in my basement?

Chase Davenport:
We're introducing a new element to training - The Bionic Battle. Each week two of you will be pitted against each other in a physical challenge.

Spin:
[eagerly] To the death?

Leo Dooley:
[sarcastically] Yes. Big D built this multi-million dollar facility to train and house you just so we can pick you off one by one.

Bree Davenport:
Bob, get down from there!

Bob:
[hanging form a basketball hoop] Sorry, little lady. No can do.

Bree Davenport:
Why not?

Bob:
Because I'm afraid of heights.

Chase Davenport:
But you can levitate.

Bob:
Oh, I'm good going up. It's the going down part that never ends well.

Adam Davenport:
All right, who's ready to do some things we'll regret?

Bree Davenport:
We're supposed to be responsible.

Adam Davenport:
Look, we're supposed to teach them life lessons, and today's life lesson is about doing things we can't do when Mr. Davenport is here.

Leo Dooley:
You're just talking smack because you're tired of living in my shadow. I'd be jealous of me, too.

Spin:
You're goin' down.

Leo Dooley:
I'm gonna have to. It's the only way I can see you eye-to-eye.

Leo Dooley:
He is NOT a little kid. He is three feet of evil.

Sebastian:
Did you find Bob?

Adam Davenport:
No, but I was thinking: What if we're the ones who are lost and Bob is looking for us?

Adam Davenport:
This is getting weird. It is not like Bob to just disappear - and I should know. We've been best friends for two days.

Chase Davenport:
Now I want you to reactivate the autopilot by pushing the two red buttons on the panel next to you.

Bob:
I don't see any red buttons, only green ones.

Chase Davenport:
Green? There are no green buttons.

Sebastian:
Would now be a bad time to tell you Bob is colorblind?

Chase Davenport:
I don't know, but I'm not about to lose a man on my watch.

Adam Davenport:
Forget about the man on your watch. We have to find Bob!

Spin:
Hey, you made me look like an idiot. Now I'm gonna make YOU look like one. To be fair, it's not so hard.

Spin:
Oh, the pain...

Leo Dooley:
Great job, guys. You just took out an entire unit of virtual cyborgs.

Eddy:
I think it's sad that you have to invent people to play with you.

[Chase insists they continue training though Donald's away]

Adam Davenport:
But Leo and I were gonna play Human Bull's-Eye Bounce. Don't worry. It's way more dangerous than it sounds.

Leo Dooley:
[to Chase] Oh, come on! The adults are away. If we don't take advantage by doing something destructive, we're no better than... Chase.

Adam Davenport:
The only thing more fun than hitting Chase is watching me hit Chase.

Kerry Perry:
[to Chase] Little elves called. They want you back at the tree to make cookies.

[Adam phones Leo at school to hear how his clone is getting along]

Leo Dooley:
Duplicate-Adam is acting just like you, although he did get a D+ on your geography test.

Adam Davenport:
A D+? He'd better dial it back or we're gonna get caught.

Adam Davenport:
I'm just finishing up my nacho volcano.

Adam Davenport:
[gasps] OH, NO! THE CHEESE LAVA'S COMING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, PEOPLE OF JALAPENIA! NO! NO!

Adam Davenport:
[in an exaggerated masculine voice] Don't worry. I'll save you with my mouth.

[makes airplane sound as he flies a nacho into his mouth]

Leo Dooley:
[making a pun] Hey, Adam. That is "nacho" responsibility!

Chase Davenport:
[on babysitting Kelly] Look, okay, the girl is a nightmare, but if we do this, we might just get on Principal Perry's good side.

Bree Davenport:
The woman has many sides, none of them are good.

Kerry Perry:
I'm going to the skate park to throw marbles in the half-pipe and then sell ice packs in the parking lot.

Leo Dooley:
Adam, what're you DOING up here? You're supposed to be downstairs watching the other Adams.

Adam Davenport:
Hello? They're our guests. It would be rude not to offer them drinks.

Adam Davenport:
[reading from a list] "Two waters, one O.J. and one berry-infused decaf green tea, soy milk on the side." One of me is very high maintenance.

Duplicate-Adam:
Umm... we were told there would be beverages?

Chase Davenport:
[to Bree, Adam and Leo with Principal Perry at the front door] Let's just pretend we're not here.

Principal Perry:
I heard that. You don't think my parents tried that on me at Christmas?

[last lines]

Adam Davenport:
Hey, there's three pieces missing!

Adam Davenport:
[laughs] That's so like me.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, man, I never get to do what I want. It's not fair.

Bree Davenport:
Aww, are all of your cool bionic abilities and top secret missions gettin' ya down?

Adam Davenport:
[not catching her sarcasm] Aw, thanks, Bree. I knew YOU'D understand.

Leo Dooley:
[playing along with Eddy like he's hosting a game show] Eddy, we're gonna go with... the cellular duplicator!

Eddy:
Good choice! This lovely state-of-the-art device scans human DNA and creates a life-like double using synthetic bioplasma!

Adam Davenport:
Too complicated. Go for the riding mower.

Leo Dooley:
No, this is how we can make two of you. It makes a non-human twin out of a human.

Eddy:
That's right, but be careful. It's not fully tested, so there's a small chance it could go horribly wrong.

Leo Dooley:
Then why are you telling us to use it?

Eddy:
There's a small chance it could go horribly wrong.

Chase Davenport:
[about to begin training in the simulator] Adam, please remember: the cyborgs are fake but I am real.

Duplicate-Adam:
Just one question: Is this real?

[strikes Chase in the back with his pole]

Chase Davenport:
Ow! Why'd you do that?

Duplicate-Adam:
'cause real pain's funnier than fake pain.

[whacks Chase in the back again]

Chase Davenport:
UGH! OHH! Oh!

Bree Davenport:
You're a genius? Ha! Even I saw that coming.

[first lines]

Leo:
Hey, Janelle. How 'bout that lunch special today?

Janelle:
Really? That's your opener?

Leo:
Well, I was gonna go with "Where have you been all my life?" but I'm only, like, fourteen, so...

Leo:
I, too, love the basketball. In fact, they call me Hoop-Master Leo.

Janelle:
No, they don't.

Leo:
No, they don't.

Trent:
One-on-One Tourney? Don't you mean The Trent Show, starring Trent, with a special appearance by... Trent?

Leo:
If he just spelled "Trent" with an 'I', he's gonna be here a lot longer than five years.

Leo:
Uh-oh, you just turned on that Chase I'm-smarter-than-you-and-I-have-a-big-idea light-bulb face. It's not your best look, by the way.

Trent:
Is there ANYONE brave enough to challenge me in the tourney YET? Oh, I've got an itch to crush a dream or two. Who's gonna be my ointment?

Leo:
[entering as Dunkin' Leo Dooley] Will assist, flick a wrist, win the game and pump a fist! You think it'll go down smoothly? Well, you've NEVER played a champ like Dooley!

Stephanie:
We need someone to catch us when we dismantle the pyramid. There have been a few problems.

Stephanie:
[glancing at a former fellow cheerleader in a neck brace] It's ironic 'cause she's a total pain in the neck.

Leo:
Where's that unattractive light-bulb face when I need it?

Adam:
Hey, look, I know I took the last spot on the squad, but do you think you could make room for my sister Bree? I think she's kinda mad at me.

Stephanie:
Yeah. NOT gonna happen. If we let her join, she won't feel the true sting of rejection, and I generously try to give everyone that experience.

Leo:
What makes you think that I would be responsible for giving Trent his comeuppance for always picking on smaller, smarter, cuter people?

Leo:
Small's the new tall, y'all!

Adam:
Also, what is "boom dynamite?" I'm all excited and I don't even know what it is.

Bree:
Adam, that's the beauty of cheerleading - you don't have to think.

Adam:
Then its perfect for me! I can not WAIT for tryouts.

Bree:
Wait, YOU'RE trying out?

Adam:
Duh, you just saw my mad tick-boom-pow skills. POW! That's the "pow" part.

Bree:
But you can't try out for cheerleading. That's MY thing. And, besides, there's only one spot open on the squad, and you do NOT wanna compete against me.

Adam:
Yes, I do. You see, cheerleading is one of the few sports that isn't competitive enough to raise my adrenaline and make me glitch out.

Trent:
Yes! Winner right here! I'll be signing foreheads in the hallwaaaay!

Adam, Bree:
[hooked on cheerleading] Chase, Chase, he's our man! Typin' on the keyboard like no one can!

[first lines]

Leo Dooley:
Guys, Alien Gladiators are comin' to Mission Creek!

Adam Davenport:
[gasps] I knew this day would come. Thankfully I've prepared for an alien invasion. [dons an aluminum foil hat] Chase, you hold 'em off while the rest of us who deserve to live escape!

Adam Davenport:
Oh, I remember that movie. It was terrible. The whole thing was blurry.

Bree Davenport:
You didn't wear your 3-D glasses.

Adam Davenport:
[still wearing his aluminum foil hat] Well, I didn't want to look stupid.

Leo Dooley:
[seeing Donald dressed in robes] What are you doing?

Donald Davenport:
Getting ready for the Alien Gladiators Convention. I am Elder Lumina - and Elder Lumina will be victorious in the fire staff challenge.

Leo Dooley:
Look, Elder-LY Lumina, I hate to get your robe in a bunch, but, uh, that role is mine.

Donald Davenport:
[laughs] That's cute, but I've loved these movies my entire life, and winning that role will fulfill my biggest childhood dream, so...

Leo Dooley:
I think childhood dreams expire once you hit forty.

Leo Dooley:
I don't know what was more amazing - your moves or the fact your dentures didn't fall out.

Bree Davenport:
Do you really think you're gonna beat Mr. Davenport?

Leo Dooley:
Please. Once he starts sweating, he'll go blind from his hair dye.

Adam Davenport:
Space Dog isn't concerned with looks. Space Dog only protects - and occasionally eats his own vomit.

Chase Davenport:
If you so much as mention Space Dog to Prince Landor, I will roll up the windows on the spaceship and park you next to the sun.

Donald Davenport:
Oh, well. Time to crush your dreams.

Adam Davenport:
[jailed while still in his Space Dog costume] Great. Now I'm stuck in here with a bunch of weirdos.

Bree Davenport:
Says Bree every Saturday night.

Bree Davenport:
Impress me with your mental prowess and I'll... be into you and stuff.

Leo Dooley:
Now you can die in peace.

Douglas Davenport:
Look, I know that bionic arm is fun, but you can't just use it whenever you want.

Leo Dooley:
Oh, but it's okay when YOU need a pickle jar opened.

Douglas Davenport:
That was an emergency. Ya can't have a tuna sandwich without a nice kosher dill.

Douglas Davenport:
Do you know what would happen if they found out there was a fourth bionic kid?

Leo Dooley:
It'd be an even number. I imagine they'd be happy.

Douglas Davenport:
Or, they would take you away and lock me up - and I can't go back to prison.

[Leo gives him a look]

Douglas Davenport:
There was a farewell party. I gave a speech and it'd just be awkward.

Bree Davenport:
Can't believe that people are so shallow they only like us because we're bionic. This is awesome!

Adam Davenport:
You know, I'm more of a visual explainer, so maybe we could meet up after school and I can use my eyes to blow stuff up.

Agent Graham:
Didn't you read the memo? Oh, that's right. You're not on the memo list.

Adam Davenport:
Ah, New York, the Des Moines of the East.

Leo Dooley:
Douglas, something's wrong with my bionics. They're not working.

Douglas Davenport:
I know. I turned 'em off.

Leo Dooley:
You WHAT? Turn them back on or you will lead a sad, pickle-free existence.

Adam Davenport:
We kissed a ton of babies. Their heads are delicious.

Agent Graham:
The White House called this morning. The President is making a special trip to meet YOU.

Chase Davenport:
Wait. The President is coming here? Today?

Agent Graham:
Yes, and if you don't show him that things are running smoothly, I will make sure you end up in a warehouse sitting in cages like the circus freaks you are.

Leo Dooley:
I just want you to like me as much as you like Adam.

Janelle:
Leo, I like you MORE than I like him - which is strange because you're always trying to kill me.

Adam Davenport:
Wait. I just want you to know... we'll always have Des Moines.

Chase Davenport:
I am so tired of these two getting all the attention because they have super-speed and super-strength. I never get any of the credit.

Donald Davenport:
That is not true, Chase. They just have a lot of flash, but you're the glue that holds that flash together. You're... flash glue.

Leo Dooley:
[answering the doorbell, acting smooth] Hello, Janelle. What a surprise.

Janelle:
You invited me over to study.

Leo Dooley:
Yes, I did.

Janelle:
Then it's not a surprise.

Janelle:
You know, if I run, I can probably still catch up with my mom's car.

Bree Davenport:
Hey, Mr. Davenport, have you seen Chase? He's not answering his phone and his mission suit and gear are gone.

Donald Davenport:
What?

Adam Davenport:
Yeah, I'm worried he was carried away by a small predatory bird.

Bree Davenport:
[searching in Antarctica] Well, how could he not be here? This was Chase's exact location.

Adam Davenport:
There's only one explanation: He met a family of Eskimos who took him in as their pet because he is the exact same size as a penguin.

Douglas Davenport:
I flew ten thousand miles around the world in a massive storm and risked my life in an avalanche to RESCUE YOU so I could then poison you.

Chase Davenport:
[You] make a pretty good soup for a diabolical maniac.

Douglas Davenport:
You should try my quiche.

Chase Davenport:
You've been stalking us?

Douglas Davenport:
You call it "stalking," I call it "lovingly lurking in the shadows."

Chase Davenport:
[in reference to Donald] When are the two of you just gonna grow up?

Douglas Davenport:
[angrily] I'LL GROW UP WHEN HE GROWS UP!

Douglas Davenport:
Look... Chase... you and I have a lot more in common than you think. I know what it's like to be unappreciated, to have a sibling who always steals the spotlight. I know how hard it's been for you... and I can help.

Douglas Davenport:
If you want, you could call me "Dad."

Chase Davenport:
No, I'm good.

Chase Davenport:
Did you really think I would betray my own family?

Douglas Davenport:
Well, it's always worked for me.

Donald Davenport:
Guys, that mission was the finest use of bionics to date. I think we can all agree that strength plus speed equals success.

[high-five between Bree and Adam]

Chase Davenport:
Uh... uh... e-excuse me. Huh. Let's not forget the mastermind behind this entire thing.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, right, let's give it up for our fearless leader - Mr. Davenport! Whoo! Ah!

[high-fives between Donald, Bree and Adam]

Chase Davenport:
What? No! I was talking about me. I supervised the whole mission.

Adam Davenport:
Yeah, but I think we all know who did the heavy lifting.

[Chase glares]

Adam Davenport:
Well, I'll give ya hint. It starts with an 'A' , ends with an 'M'... There's a big "da" in the middle...

Bree Davenport:
Chase, no offence, but your bionic brain is no match for our Hustle...

Adam Davenport:
...and muscle.

Donald Davenport:
Ooo, that is a great team name: Hustle, Muscle and Ch... uuuuscle. Mmm

Donald Davenport:
[to Chase] Don't worry. We'll find you an "uscle."

[first lines]

Donald Davenport:
Okay, Your mission supplies are packed, the schematics have been uploaded into Chase's chip, and your transport is on the way. Did I forget anything?

Bree:
No. We'll just GUESS what the mission is and see how it all plays out.

Adam:
Oh, he said "backup" and you said "backup." Saying things twice makes it funny! Oh! - "Saying things twice makes it funny."

Donald Davenport:
STOP IT!

Donald Davenport:
Can you do me a favor? When I see you in seven years, can you remind me to tell me how awesome I am? Lemme high-five, like THAT.

[slaps hands in the air]

Leo, Future Leo:
[together] Oh, I'm sure you won't forget.

Donald Davenport:
[after seeing a video message sent back to himself from the future] How could I send them to a mission they don't return from?

Leo:
And how could you let your hair recede with so many trusted, over-the-counter remedies available?

Leo:
Yes. Yep. Done. Totally. Toast my goats.

Bree:
You know what I just realized? I'm never gonna get to wear white and walk down the aisle.

Adam:
Aw. You wanted to work at the movie theater, too?

Bree:
[standing sadly before a pile of rubble under which lies Leo] Leo just saved our lives. That was suppose to be us.

Chase Davenport:
He didn't need bionics to be a hero.

Adam:
He owed me five bucks.

Leo:
Don't you shake my head at me.

Donald Davenport:
So, uh... heh-heh... what did time-travel feel like? Did your body mass increase exponentially as you accelerated towards light speed?

Future Leo:
Uh, I pushed a button, felt a lot of wind, there was a big flash, but - yeah - mass and speed stuff.

Leo:
Whoa. What is that?

Future Leo:
It's a holophone.

Donald Davenport:
I invented the holophone?

Future Leo:
No, but you did wait in line six days to get one.

Douglas Davenport:
Guess who I just got off the phone with. Giselle Vickers.

Bree Davenport:
What, the big Hollywood filmmaker?

Leo Dooley:
She is legendary! She made all the killer zombie trucker movies. Because of her, I can't pee at a truck stop.

Leo Dooley:
Must... you ruin... EVERYTHING?

Douglas Davenport:
Worst day of my life - and I've been to prison four times!

Douglas Davenport:
[about Giselle's upcoming bionic hero movie] Sorry, Leo. There is no character based on you.

Leo Dooley:
What?

Douglas Davenport:
It's called "Bionic Action Hero," not "Kind-of-Bionic Sort-of-Action Hero."

Adam Davenport:
[assessing Troy's ability to represent all three bionic heroes] Ah, I get it now. He's got my body, Bree's hair, but I'm not seeing the Chase. He's perfect.

Adam Davenport:
Ah, totally get where you're coming from, Troy. I'm a... big-time actor myself.

Troy West:
Really? Movies?

Adam Davenport:
Uh, school plays, but I did see a mom filming it on her phone, so it's only a matter of time before it hits theaters.

Bree Davenport:
Okay, so now who's helping out with "the cheesy movie?"

Chase Davenport:
I am not "helping." I'm critiquing his mediocre performance!

Douglas Davenport:
You know, Giselle, it's too bad that you couldn't see all the other brilliant things I created outside of here. You could make a whole movie just about Marcus.

Giselle Vickers:
Marcus.

Douglas Davenport:
Yeah, my greatest invention - an advanced android with ALL of Adam, Bree and Chase's bionic abilities. Believe it or not, he was even more powerful than they are.

Giselle Vickers:
Well, where is he? I'd love to see him.

Douglas Davenport:
You can see parts of him. They're buried in a huge pile of rubble at my old lair.

Giselle Vickers:
I'm sorry. Your "lair?"

Douglas Davenport:
Well, technically it's a suburban basement, but by law you have to call it a lair if you use it to torture people.

Troy West:
I just wish Chase was as open about his abilities as you are.

Bree Davenport:
Oh, don't take it personally. He's just really protective of his image.

Troy West:
He's DOES know on the fan boards they call him "the bionic fun-killer?"

Bree Davenport:
Yeah, but to be fair, most of those posts were mine.

Bree Davenport:
You're pretty.

Troy West:
I know.

Chase Davenport:
The walls look fake. The floor looks fake. Nothing in here looks like the real academy.

Bree Davenport:
Hm. But your complaining is very authentic.

Leo Dooley:
Settle down, bad boy. Your mascara's running.

Bree Davenport:
Troy won't even talk to me. It's so weird.

Adam Davenport:
Not really. Boys blow you off all the time.

Giselle Vickers:
You're my competition, and the first rule in business is to eliminate the competition.

Adam Davenport:
Really? I thought it was "location location location."

Leo Dooley:
Troy's a killer android?

Chase Davenport:
You really know how to pick 'em, Bree.

Giselle Vickers:
Can I get you anything? Water? Tea? Sharp pain in your neck as we rip out your bionic chip?

Chase Davenport:
All this technology and you couldn't give him a sense of humor app?

Bree Davenport:
This is all my fault.

[silence]

Adam Davenport:
Notice nobody saying "No, it's not?"

Adam Davenport:
That's what you get for fallin' in love with an android.

Giselle Vickers:
How is it that you're the one strapped down and I'm the one being tortured?

Giselle Vickers:
I'm gonna go find something sharp to rip you open with.

Troy West:
Ugh, sounds messy. Better go get my hairnet.

Troy West:
Abs of steel, bra. Literally.

Chase Davenport:
Were you really gonna waste my super-intelligence on THAT hunk of junk? Even his ponytail is dated.

Bree Davenport:
Chase could be anywhere.

Adam Davenport:
And if he's in pieces, he could be everywhere.

Bree Davenport:
All right, Adam, let's go get our mission suits.

Adam Davenport:
Good idea. We wanna look our best when we're being killed.

Douglas Davenport:
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Leo Dooley:
Well, today you're a victim.

Leo Dooley:
I am NOT stickin' my fingers in his nose.

Adam Davenport:
[hearing Chase's scream] Oh, that's Chase. He must really be in pain. Normally I find his screams soothing.

Douglas Davenport:
[as Leo attempts to flip the android's nostril off switch] Ehhh, come on, buddy! You gotta dig! Get in there!

Adam Davenport:
You may have cool abilities, but there's one thing you haven't learned: real people hit people when their backs are turned.

Leo Dooley:
Guess androids aren't immortal after all.

Douglas Davenport:
Well, technically they're not dead, just deactivated...

Leo Dooley:
[interrupting] It's a good line. Just go with it.

Douglas Davenport:
I'm so glad that worked, because I did NOT wanna pick twenty noses.

Chase Davenport:
Hey, Adam. Just so you know, I love you too.

Leo Dooley:
Well, how about as a birthday gift you give me a bionic ability?

Donald Davenport:
Or I could gift-wrap reality and you could play with that for a while.

Leo Dooley:
Every year my mom throws me a big surprise party.

Adam Davenport:
Really?

Leo Dooley:
Last year she baked a cake the size of ME. I'm not gonna brag but... I was delicious.

Bree Davenport:
Hey, uh, why haven't WE ever had a birthday party?

Tasha Davenport:
Donald! You NEVER celebrated their birthdays?

Donald Davenport:
Of course I celebrated their birthdays. Remember when we...

[the teens shake their heads]

Donald Davenport:
No, when we went to the...

[the teens shake their heads again]

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, I never celebrated their birthdays.

Tasha Davenport:
Did you also eat all the cookies before Santa came down the chimney?

Bree Davenport:
What's Santa?

Tasha Davenport:
[to Donald] Oh, come ON!

Bree Davenport:
Well, what do WE know about throwing a surprise party?

Adam Davenport:
Well, if it was me, I'd want a bouncy house. And a pi?ata. Wait. And a clown. No, wait! Put the pi?ata ON the clown IN the bouncy house and hit everything at once. Candy's bound to come out of somewhere.

Chase Davenport:
Eddy, we're moving the party prep upstairs. Keep Leo in the lab until I give you the signal.

Eddy:
Wait. So you want me to hold the poor kid against his will? I'm in!

Bree Davenport:
Welcome to Leo's surprise party. When he comes up, remember to scream real loud and pretend you're his friend.

Chase Davenport:
Welcome, Shark Man and Flipper Boy! Eek-eek-eek-eek-eek-eek. I KNEW the second I saw you guys something was fishy.

Leo Dooley:
Eddy, unlock this door.

Eddy:
Not until I get the signal, otherwise it would ruin the surprise.

Leo Dooley:
But they're celebrating without me!

Eddy:
That's nothing. Wait till they start opening your gifts.

Leo Dooley:
[finally released from the basement] I thought my first birthday with you guys was gonna be awesome, and - you know what? - it probably was, but I wouldn't know because - I WASN'T INVITED!

Donald Davenport:
I am the worst dad ever.

[silence]

Donald Davenport:
Well, don't all disagree with me at once.

Donald Davenport:
Birthday's matter.

Chase Davenport:
Yeah, you should know. You've had enough of 'em. What're you, like, fifty?

[Tasha has to accept an award for reporting on the same night as Leo's birthday]

Tasha Davenport:
Leo, are you sure you're not mad? We've never been apart on your birthday.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, pleeease! He'll have plenty of birthdays, but who knows if you'll ever win anything again.

[Adam, Bree and Chase decide to throw Leo a surprise birthday party]

Adam Davenport:
Whoo-hoo! Yeah, we're havin' a party! Leo's gonna be so surprised. I'm gonna go tell 'im.

Donald Davenport:
Look, Leo, I'm really sorry we're missing your birthday, but wait till you see the gift I got you. It is... whoa-amazing-I-can't-believe-he's-my-stepdad-tastic!

Leo Dooley:
Is it a robotic snake?

Donald Davenport:
Mm-mm.

Leo Dooley:
Is it a remote-controlled tank that fires real lasers?

Donald Davenport:
Mm-mm.

Leo Dooley:
Is it a real tank that fires fake lasers?

Donald Davenport:
Mm-mm.

Leo Dooley:
Then I hope you kept the receipt.

Donald Davenport:
Lemme get this straight. So you guys had a surprise party for Leo - without Leo. That's... that's actually kind of fu...

Donald Davenport:
[with a look from Tasha] It's not funny. It's not funny.

Tasha Davenport:
Honey, I know your birthday was a bit of a bust, but I think I know what will make it better.

Tasha Davenport:
[to Donald] Donald! Give him your gift!

Leo Dooley:
Yeah, Big D. Maybe your awesome-tastical gift can cheer me up after being...

Leo Dooley:
[over to the Adam, Bree and Chase]... Totally forgotten!

Donald Davenport:
What? That gift? You don't want that gift. You know what?

Donald Davenport:
[whipping out a stack of cash and counting off a few bills] Just gimme the number that'll keep the tears back. Wadda ya say?

Leo Dooley:
Where did you get a dog?

Bree Davenport:
And please do not say "From a guy with sunglasses and a cane."

Chase Davenport:
And did you, by any chance, have meat in your pockets?

Leo Dooley:
Well, it's nice to hear that you had someone to comfort you while you were plotting to kill us.

Adam Davenport:
Thank you for your service, and good luck.

Chase Davenport:
Oh, thank you so much for choosing me over a dog.

Douglas Davenport:
Well, it wasn't easy.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, I get it. So we're takin' *Chase* to the pound.

Douglas Davenport:
No, we're gonna hide Otis.

Adam Davenport:
Right. THEN we take Chase to the pound.

Bree Davenport:
Who you talking to, Leo?

Leo Dooley:
[thinking fast] Mr. Davenport.

Bree Davenport:
That sounded like a girl.

Leo Dooley:
I think we can both agree that is one of his many faults.

Bree Davenport:
Look, I don't know what's sadder, the fact that you're dating your phone or that I think your phone can do better.

Chase Davenport:
[unswayed by Adam's long-lost cousin story] Adam, that's a dog in a blanket.

Adam Davenport:
Look, I know she's not the most attractive woman, but she's family.

Leo Dooley:
This-is-normal-I-am-not-ashamed!

Adam Davenport:
Don't ask me to explain the motives of a madman! Let me measure your arms.

Adam Davenport:
[saying goodbye to Otis] Oh, I know, buddy. I'm gonna miss you, too. I'll think of you every time I drag my butt across the rug.

Douglas Davenport:
[having been licked] What are you doing? That is disgusting! And why do I think Otis's tongue is cleaner than yours?

Douglas Davenport:
What are you doing?

Adam Davenport:
[with Douglas' pant leg in his teeth] I don't know. I can't stop, but your pants taste surprisingly good. It's like you ran through a field of bacon.

Douglas Davenport:
[as Otis' eyes light up] Red means love, right?

Douglas Davenport:
Can't you just use your override app on him?

Chase Davenport:
No, I can't override an override app, Guy-Who-Built-Me!

Adam Davenport:
[throwing Chase to the floor] Oh, come on! How can I not get a treat for that?

Chase Davenport:
[musically] Adam, look what I got.

Adam Davenport:
[with rapture] Oh, it's a ball!

Chase Davenport:
You want the ball? You want the BALL?

Adam Davenport:
Oh, yes I do, I do, I do. I want the ball, I want the ball. Gimme the ball, gimme the ball, gimme the ball.

Bree Davenport:
Oh, Liam, it is so nice to finally meet a guy who I can just shut off and put in a drawer when I'm done with him.

Leo Dooley:
Care to explain those sounds coming from down below?

Bree Davenport:
If I say it's gas, will you leave me alone?

Leo Dooley:
Liam? You turned my Shelly into a dude?

Adam Davenport:
You have bones?

[Adam pounces on Chase, licking off his peanut-butter suit]

Chase Davenport:
Adam, stop!

Adam Davenport:
Don't blame me! It's the dog!

Douglas Davenport:
But I removed the chip.

Adam Davenport:
Okay, it's me.

[opening lines]

Leo Dooley:
Good news, guys. My mom called from the hospital and said Big D's doing much better. He's gonna make it.

Bree Davenport:
Awesome.

Chase Davenport:
Great.

Leo Dooley:
Yep. Soon he'll be back here making us all wish he was still unconscious.

Bree Davenport:
[about Donald's absence] I really miss him, although it has been nice having the hair spray all to myself.

Chase Davenport:
Um, actually, Adam's been using it, too. He's developing new hair styles for his arm pits. You wouldn't think it, but the ponytails are surprisingly cute.

Chase Davenport:
Freinds don't electro-fork-thingy friends.

Adam Davenport:
[having brought thirty of Krane's bionic soldiers into the Davenport home] Can we keep 'em? Most of 'em are potty trained. S-27's still a work in progress.

Tasha Davenport:
Leo! What're you doing here?

Leo Dooley:
It's time for my 11:30 sponge bath.

Leo Dooley:
You said he was doing better. That doesn't look better.

Tasha Davenport:
Of course he's better. Look at him. He's pale, lifeless, surrounded by technology... That's the guy I married.

Chase Davenport:
They're soldiers. They must have a natural tendancy to follow their leader, but with Krane gone they didn't have one until Adam showed up.

Bree Davenport:
What does that mean?

Chase Davenport:
They think Adam's their new leader.

Bree Davenport:
Great. Now they're more dangerous than they were under Krane.

Leo Dooley:
[Donald lies unconscious] Gotta say, sorry you're sick, but this is the most I've talked without you interrupting me.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, don't just lie there on the floor twitching. Give me a hug.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, the human body was not meant to be tapped as an energy source.

Leo Dooley:
It's not meant to be bleached, plucked or tucked either, but that hasn't stopped YOU.

Bree Davenport:
Great. So, now there are forty bionic soldiers in our house. What are we going to do?

Adam Davenport:
There's only one thing we CAN do. BIONIC HOUSE PARTY!

Tasha Davenport:
Honey, is that a grey hair?

Leo Dooley:
Could be. I thought it was obvious, but you two really stresss me out.

Adam Davenport:
Hey, dude. What's the best way to have fun?

Sebastian:
Do the opposte of what Chase says.

Adam Davenport:
Ah, I taught you well, grasshopper.

Leo Dooley:
[now an old man and struggling to walk] Back in my day, places weren't so spread out.

Tasha Davenport:
Honey, your day was this morning.

Agent Reed:
Cuff 'em!

Sebastian:
GO!

[as one, the bionic soldiers vanish into thin air]

Agent Reed:
What just happened?

Donald Davenport:
They geo-leaped away. See, essentially they can manipulate their molecular structure...

Agent Reed:
Short answer.

Donald Davenport:
They're gone.

[Leo drinks a potentiel remedy]

Donald Davenport:
D'you feel any different?

Leo Dooley:
[long pause] Nope, but you're the ugliest nurse I have ever seen.

Adam Davenport:
Nobody move! I'm gonna go dig up my goldfish.

Donald Davenport:
Just think what a hundred bionic kids could do.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, don't make me think. Just tell me.

Adam Davenport:
Okay guys, this is called Bionic Arm Wrestling. Now, it's not really training but it's fun, so we're doin' it.

Sebastian:
Wow, looks like we've all learned a lot from you guys. Pretty soon, I may be even smarter than you.

Chase Davenport:
[chuckles insincerely] Don't EVER say that again.

Donald Davenport:
Greetings, everyone! I have return-eth from the mainland!

[accidentally hits Leo in the face with an expansive arm gesture]

Leo Dooley:
[returning the gesture] And no one care-eth.

Donald Davenport:
Aw come on no fan fare, no ballons, no rousing round of applause?

Bob:
I didn't even know you were gone.

Donald Davenport:
So, how things been going here without me?

Bree Davenport:
A-MAZ-ing!

Bree Davenport:
[catching a look from Donald] I mean, uh... w-we MISS you.

Perry:
Not so fast Donny come lately. Things around here aren't as peachy as the droid babies say they are.

Leo Dooley:
Really? Name one problem sargent short stat.

Perry:
Well for starters they've been littering in the hallways.

Bree Davenport:
That was you.

Perry:
Making rude gestures to passing coast guard ships.

Perry:
Also you.

Perry:
And sneaking extra dessert from the cafeteria.

Chase Davenport:
Seriously? You're wearing the evidence.

Perry:
No that was from a different stolen meal.

Perry:
Hey, I will not have my employees talk to me like that!

Donald Davenport:
YOU WORK FOR ME!

Perry:
Keep tellin' yourself that, boss man.

Bree Davenport:
We went from a dingy basement to paradise. It's like we won the lottery or finally got a parent who cares about us.

Leo Dooley:
I do not throw tantrums. I just express my passion through tears.

Donald Davenport:
And the last time I checked, hoarding feral cats in a winnebago does not count as community service!

Perry:
It does if you're dating an animal control officer.

Perry:
I have the nasal cavity of a bomb-sniffing dog. Literally. That's what I get for savin' a few bucks on a nose job in New Guinea.

[the missing explosives are found exactly where they should be]

Perry:
But it's impossible! They were gone!

Bree Davenport:
Yup, and so were the dinosaurs; but, through the magic of cinema, we can see them again.

Donald Davenport:
You know what? Adam was right. This is clearly the work of an evil dolphin.

Perry:
Oh, boy. Did I pick the wrong day to eat sardines and milk.

Bob:
Spin, tell him you're sorry!

Spin:
No way. I'd rather run till my legs fall off.

Bob:
[to Leo] I never heard a more heartfelt apology in my life.

Sebastian:
It's time for the students to school the teachers. The rebellion has begun.

Sebastian:
Thanks Chase we really are best friends.

Chase Davenport:
Can you say it agian I want to make it my ringtone.

Donald Davenport:
[to Perry] This isn't Misson Creek High where every student is guilty until proven guilty.

Perry:
Someone stole explosives from the weapons area.

Donald Davenport:
What?

Adam Davenport:
No worries. All we have to do is wait for someone to explode and boom, thats our guy.

Spin:
Hey you're late.

Leo Dooley:
And you're annoying so I guess we're even.

Chase Davenport:
Chase we need you in the common area there's a... situation.

Chase Davenport:
What is it?

Adam Davenport:
If I wanted everyone to know there's a life threatening emergency I wouldn't have used the seceret code of calling it a situation. Think Chase think!

Bob:
Hey dudes. Sup Boo [says to Bree]

Bob, Bree Davenport:
No Bob.

Leo Dooley:
Are you talking back to your superior?

Spin:
No I'm talking back to you.

Donald Davenport:
This is bad. This is really really bad.

Perry:
Don't worry Donny I'm here.

Donald Davenport:
I know thats why its so bad.

Perry:
Hey hey hey hey hey. Fight on ur own time. Preferably in a large area where I can make a mud pit and charge for admission.

Donald Davenport:
Did you just pry open my titanim doors with your bare hands?

Perry:
My mother always said I have the strength of a Dutch Belted ox.

Bree Davenport:
What're we gonna do? We HAVE to save Mr. Davenport.

Adam Davenport:
And Perry.

Chase Davenport:
Absolutely. Time permitting.

Donald Davenport:
If I had a way to splice these wires, I could build a transmitter and call for help.

Perry:
And if I had hard-boiled eggs and mayo, I could make egg salad - but I only have the mayo.

Adam Davenport:
Bad news we're gonna need a new hydo loop.

Bree Davenport:
Adam!

Adam Davenport:
What? I can't tell him we're gonna need a new father too. That'd be rude.

Spin:
Did you know about this?

Leo Dooley:
I didn't- I mean they just- that's just messed up.

Perry:
Look its the mechanical people!

Adam Davenport:
I knew it! You're an interior decorator too.

Spin:
So you helped them destroy our creator too?

Leo Dooley:
Uh no. I just met those guys like a week before you did. I don't even know the fast girl's name.

Sebastian:
Now its time for you to take back your freedom!

Bionic Teens:
[bump fists in the air] Freedom!

Leo Dooley:
Or keep think the way they are. [bumps fist in air less enthusiastically] Are!

Boinic Teens:
[chanting] Rebellion! Rebellion! Rebellion!

Leo Dooley:
[trying to sound inconspicuous] I say we sleep on it.

Bree Davenport:
Hey, uh, Mr. Davenport, anything ya'd like to say to us - rhymes with 'good job'?

Adam Davenport:
The answer's in the clue.

Donald Davenport:
What were you guys thinking?

Adam Davenport:
Nope, not even close. Two more guesses.

Leo Dooley:
Guys, that was awesome! You just prevented the biggest oil spill in history!

Chase Davenport:
Pretty SLICK, huh?

Leo Dooley:
[searching the frig] Hey, whenever my mom goes away on the news assignments, she always leaves me two peanut butter sandwiches with the crust cut off. Where are they?

Donald Davenport:
[shoving the last of a sandwich into his mouth] No idea.

Donald Davenport:
Hey, guys, don't forget - training after school, 4:00 PM sharp.

Chase Davenport:
Oh, okay, Mr. Davenport. Wouldn't want to miss another opportunity for you to tell us everything we are doing wrong.

Bree Davenport:
Oh, and while we're on the subject, do we need a detailed plan to get home from school?

Marcus Davenport:
Hello, Mr. Davenport, or should I call you... UNCLE Mr. Davenport?

Donald Davenport:
Nice digs. I love what you and Frankenstein have done with the place.

Donald Davenport:
You've been spying on us?

Douglas Davenport:
For months. And trust me, Eddy's not the only one who's... revolted by your sweeping high kicks.

Adam Davenport:
I should warn you. I can control vinyl siding.

Marcus Davenport:
Who would have thought that pathetic little Leo was right all along?

Leo Dooley:
[watching on a monitor] Thank you.

Leo Dooley:
[realizing] Hey!

Marcus Davenport:
And, you know, the best part of all is that none of you had a clue that I'm just like you.

Adam Davenport:
Half-Irish?

Chase Davenport:
Mr. Davenport, we bust our butts all the time, and all you ever do is sit around the lab making lists of what we did wrong.

Donald Davenport:
I do not just sit around making lists of...

Donald Davenport:
[looking down at the list he holds in his hands... ]... things you did wrong.

Leo Dooley:
That's true. He also practices tai quan do in his tighty-whities.

Eddy:
[as Leo enters Donald's secret weapons vault] A room full of stuff you can use to hurt yourself. I shoulda shown you this a long time ago.

Leo Dooley:
[stops as he bags up weapons] How am I supposed to use it if I don't know how it works?

Eddy:
When has THAT ever stopped you before?

Douglas Davenport:
Once I press this, it'll activate your triton apps and I'll control you - permanently.

Chase Davenport:
No!

Bree Davenport:
Stop!

Adam Davenport:
Do Chase first!

Chase Davenport:
Hey, step aside, Bree. Let the big boys take care of this.

Bree Davenport:
Oh, okay. When are they getting here?

Douglas Davenport:
Marcus is just an android. He's not sleeping, he's recharging. Trouble with androids is they burn out too quick. He won't make it to his sixteenth birthday. Oh, but don't tell him that. He thinks he's gettin' a car.

Bree Davenport:
Why are you wrapped in tin foil?

Bob:
It's not just tin foil. I'm also wearing three layers of pasta, tomato sauce and cheese.

Adam Davenport:
I turned him into a human lasagna pan. Forty-five minutes in the sun and it's Bob-app?tit.

Leo Dooley:
You know, given what I've seen of Bob's training, this might be the most productive use of him yet.

Adam Davenport:
Ugh, sorry, Bob. It's gettin' cloudy. I'm gonna have to cook you in here with my heat vision.

Bob:
Will it hurt?

Adam Davenport:
Let's find out together.

Douglas Davenport:
[looking for a "volunteer" for an intelligence boost] Bob it is.

Adam Davenport:
All right, Bob, now that we've made body lasagna, we should do something important. What do you think? CPR training, volunteer work... Ooo, I got it. We should figure out how many students we can cram into the pool.

Bob:
Easy. All you have to do is divide the average mass of the students by the pool's volumetric capacity.

Adam Davenport:
[shrieks] WHAT'D YOU DO TO MY BOB?

Douglas Davenport:
Thanks to my intelligence upgrade, Bob is now as brilliant as Chase.

Bob:
Yep, I'm finally the whole package.

Adam Davenport:
Bob, you're scaring me. I demand you burp the entire alphabet right now!

Chase Davenport:
Can you believe it? Douglas's intelligence duplicator actually worked!

Douglas Davenport:
Actually?

Chase Davenport:
You don't have the best track record.

Douglas Davenport:
I made YOU, didn't I?

Adam Davenport:
[pulling pasta from behind Bob's ear] Hey, look! Leftover lasagna.

[eats it]

Chase Davenport:
And you also made HIM.

Chase Davenport:
Wanna go triple-check your homework?

Bob:
I already did, but one can never be too right.

Chase Davenport:
You know, if signs of affection didn't strike me as frivilous, I'd hug you right now. Oh, what the heck!

Adam Davenport:
Let's go grab a couple jellyfish and wear 'em as wigs.

Chase Davenport:
Who wants to discover a new element for the periodic table?

Students:
Yeah!

Chase Davenport:
Now that Bob destroyed the intelligence duplicator, there's no way to turn them back to normal.

Adam Davenport:
No problem. We'll just get rid of these students and have Douglas whip us up a new batch.

Bree Davenport:
What were you doing in our weapons room?

Perry:
Leveling the playing field. You never know when you machine people are gonna turn on us fleshies.

Perry:
It's a rebellion! They're trying to take me out so that they can rule Perryland. Well, the only way that's gonna happen is over Dear Leader's dead body!

Leo Dooley:
Well, you had a good run.

Perry:
I'm not gonna attack them. I'm just gonna give them a gentle warning, a gentle 15,000 volt warning.

Leo Dooley:
Hey, what ever happened to your military goon squad?

Perry:
When they found out they weren't getting paid, they threatened to quit, so I had to fire on them.

Bree Davenport:
You mean "fire" them.

Perry:
Nope.

Perry:
[sweetly, about her wedding day] I've been dreaming of this since I was a little girl. This is exactly how I pictured it.

Bree Davenport:
On an island filled with bionic super humans?

Perry:
[snarling] You don't know what I dreamed! You weren't THERE!

Adam Davenport:
By the power vested in me by some random site on the Internet, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the...

Douglas Davenport:
CUE THE MUSIC!

Perry:
You may have taken my island and my man, but you will never take my laser fist!

[starts randomly blasting the room]

Perry:
And this is still EXACTLY how I pictured it!

Chase Davenport:
Now let's see how YOU like being relentlessly manhandled.

Chase Davenport:
Yep, and now we're gonna play a game called "human pi?ata," but instead of candy, we're gonna guess what Adam had for lunch.

Leo Dooley:
Ironically, I'm guessing it's candy.

Donald Davenport:
How many times have I told you guys not to goof around?

Bree Davenport:
Brace yourself, because this is probably gonna shatter your world, but they don't listen to a word you say.

Donald Davenport:
Look, I know this was a freak accident, but he could've seriously been hurt. What if he'd have landed on his head?

Chase Davenport:
Uh, it would've popped open, spraying confetti everywhere?

Chase Davenport:
Adam is always punching me and throwing me around.

Adam Davenport:
Yeah, but when I do it, it's funny.

Adam Davenport:
I never realized how unsafe the world is. Danger lurks at every corner and it uses the stairs to get there.

Leo's Voice:
[coming out of Bree] Hi, I'm Leo Dooley and that horrible stench you're smelling is me. Can I have a hug?

Leo Dooley:
That's not true. I take a bath every day. Sniff me. That's "hibiscus waterfall."

Principal Perry:
An old deli accident left me immune to salmonella.

Donald Davenport:
Adam, there is nothing wrong with being cautious, but if you're TOO cautious, you'll over-think things and you won't be able to complete your missions.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, so if I'm NOT careful, I could get hurt, but if I'm TOO careful, I'm useless.

Donald Davenport:
Exactly.

Adam Davenport:
Great. No matter what I do I'm either hurting myself or the team.

Leo Dooley:
[gauging Principal Perry's anger level] The last time she turned that red, the janitor had to take her down with a tranquilizer gun - and it took three shots.

Chase Davenport:
Life is about getting hurt. I get hurt all the time, but I don't go overboard and quit.

Adam Davenport:
Yeah, but you're SUPPOSED to get hurt. I'm a huge, muscular, beastly man. For me it's just unnatural.

Donald Davenport:
If ANY of you get seriously hurt when I'm not around, all it takes is one x-ray of your bionic chip, and you know what happens next.

Leo Dooley:
Yep. You three go to a government facility, you go to the big house, and I get a big ol' mansion all to myself.

Donald Davenport:
Bree, remember when I told you that strange things might be happening to your bionics? Well, it looks like you have uncovered one of your hidden abilities. Either that or puberty has been VERY unkind to YOU.

Donald Davenport:
Look, Chase, I know this is fun for you, but if Adam stops going on missions, we as a unit are in trouble. The only way to fix this is to stop tearing down his confidence and start building it up again.

Chase Davenport:
I can't do that. If he gets his confidence back, I'm just gonna go back to being his punching bag.

Donald Davenport:
Or maybe now that Adam knows what it's like to be picked on, he'll treat you differently.

Chase Davenport:
Yeah. I don't know if you've noticed, but Adam isn't really the best at learning... things.

[Donald stares back at Chase and waits]

Chase Davenport:
[resentfully] Okay, fine, I'll talk to him!

Donald Davenport:
Good... 'cause I thought I was gonna have to. Ew.

Chase Davenport:
I'm so tired of him. So far this week, I've been his weight set, his football and his jump rope.

Donald Davenport:
Well, on the bright side, you've never looked so fit.

Adam Davenport:
All right, Chase. My hammys are loose. I'm ready for round two.

Chase Davenport:
[warningly] Ah-ah-ah. Mr. Davenport said ya can't bench press me anymore.

Adam Davenport:
Yeah, but he didn't say anything about you bein' my shot put. Come on, let's go for gold!

Chase Davenport:
Well, if you know what it's like, then why won't you help me?

Douglas Davenport:
Sorry, Chase, he said no, and I've got to stay on his good side or else he'll cut off my allowance. I'm savin' up to buy a car. You know, in case I have to live in it.

Chase Davenport:
You know what? Fine. I get it. Mr. Davenport is smarter, and older, and he controls you.

Douglas Davenport:
He doesn't CONTROL me. He just tells me what to do and when to... Okay, you're on.

Douglas Davenport:
[sticking a tracer on Chase's neck] This...

Chase Davenport:
Ow.

Douglas Davenport:
...will let me look through your list of hidden abilities and see which one to give ya.

Chase Davenport:
Why don''t you just give me 'em all?

Douglas Davenport:
No way. The human body can only take so much. It's... it's like a water balloon. You fill it up too much and... well, I don't want to spend the night scrapin' Chase chunks off the ceiling.

Adam Davenport:
I'm tryin' to figure out which is scarier, okay? One hundred duck-size horses or one giant horse-size duck.

Principal Perry:
Ooo, I've been banned from a lot of places - movie theaters, churches, Detroit - and if the great state of Michigan can't keep me out, what chance do you have?

Scott:
Fine. How can I help you - in a way that'll make you leave as soon as possible?

Principal Perry:
What're you doin' here, Dooley? Shouldn't you be at home disappointing your parents?

Leo Dooley:
Shouldn't you be at the food court, stealing other people's lunches?

Principal Perry:
Perhaps we haven't met. Terry Perry, professional dream-crusher.

Douglas Davenport:
Look, I know you're mad, but at least I'm not tryin' to abduct the kids anymore.

Chase Davenport:
That's true. He hasn't committed a felony in weeks!

Douglas Davenport:
Days.

Chase Davenport:
Days!

Chase Davenport:
I thought you just agreed that things should go back to being normal.

Adam Davenport:
Well, they ARE. I'm more powerful than you again and there's nothing you can do about it.

Donald Davenport:
Look, we're adults, and we've earned the right to act like children.

Leo Dooley:
That should be ME vomiting up there!

Leo Dooley:
Ring me up, Scotty!

Bree:
[followed closely by Adam and Chase] Mr. Davenport, I can not stand them anymore. Can they please go live in your warehouse?

Donald Davenport:
Bree, the warehouse is where I keep my explosive chemicals.

Bree:
Like I said, can they please go live in your warehouse?

Donald Davenport:
I do not have any extra rooms.

Tasha Davenport:
You have a pool table room, bumper car room, arcade room, surf simulator room - not to mention a room full of mirrors.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, or as I like to call it, a room full of me.

Leo:
So, Big D, can I ask you a question?

Donald Davenport:
I don't know. CAN you?

Leo:
[despairingly] Heh. It's funny every time.

Donald Davenport:
That's a great idea! - in an alternate universe where bad ideas are great.

[Adam brings an ugly, rat-infested chair into the lab]

Chase Davenport:
Adam, get that chair out of here right now.

Adam:
Well if I do that, then where's the rat supposed to live?

Chase Davenport:
How 'bout we check with the neighbors' cat?

Leo:
Janelle, please don't take this the wrong way, but I did not want you to come here.

Janelle:
Yeah. I could tell by the way ya slammed the door in m' face.

Leo:
[to the lunch lady] Uh, would you mind carrying me over to that girl who's walking away in disgust?

Adam:
[bursting into the room] That horse just ate my giant plastic chili cheese-dog and I'm afraid to see what happens next.

Donald Davenport:
Remember when you shocked me earlier? Yeah, neither do I because I pass out when I'm electrocuted.

Janelle:
Aren't you a little young to be a pilot?

Leo:
Please! My first diaper was a parachute.

Tasha Davenport:
Do you have any idea what he's talking about?

Donald Davenport:
Nope. I just smile and nod until it's over.

Chase Davenport:
Leo, what're you talkin' about?

Leo:
I'd love to tell you more but I've lost my ability to trust.

Principal Perry:
Dooley! What're you doing in my elevator?

Leo:
I'm enjoying the music. Today is "Love Songs from the Nineties." Wanna dance?

Principal Perry:
Use the stairs! This is exactly how healthy kids become unhealthy adults.

Leo:
[looking her over] Really? Are we having this conversation?

Principal Perry:
Listen up, space-fillers! This is Emergency Preparedness Week. An emergency drill can happen at any time; SO, when the alarm sounds, you must evacuate the building in an orderly fashion, like cattle - if cattle had acne... and braces... and a future filling up my gas tank.

[the Lab Rats decide to switch their bionic chips]

Bree:
[to Chase] I call your super-smarts!

Adam:
[to Bree] I call your super-speed!

Chase Davenport:
[to Adam] I call your super-strength!

Leo:
[to Chase] I call good looks and charisma! Oh, too late. Already got 'em.

Leo:
If you guys are gonna switch your chips before school, don't you think you should run this by Davenport first?

Bree:
They're OUR chips.

Leo:
Well, yeah, but what if something glitches out and you end up with Adam's gigantic head on Chase's tiny, doll-like body?

Chase Davenport:
Now, Leo, I have THE most important job of all for YOU. Now, once we get inside, I'm going to need YOU... to push... this green button.

Leo:
Yeah. And then I'll push the button that makes you stop talking to me like I'm FIVE.

Leo:
What would happen if three totally random bionic kids decided to switch their chips? I'm not asking for them. It's for three of my OTHER bionic friends.

Adam:
[clueless] Wait. You have three other bionic friends? How could you not tell us? We could get, like, a mini-van and carpool.

Principal Perry:
[as the elevator goes up] Did you push a button?

Leo:
No. You must have bumped it when you shifted your center of gravy... GRAVITY!

Adam:
[as an alarm rings] Remain calm. I'll super-speed us out of here.

Adam:
[gallantly offering his arm to Bree] Please keep your hands and legs inside at all times.

Adam:
[as Chase moves to take his other arm] Whoa! Nope.

Adam:
[holding a level hand above Chase's head] Chase, you have to be at least THIS TALL to ride the ride.

Davenport:
Why aren't you guys at school, and what did I tell you about climbing each other?

Adam:
Ah! I think my brain just threw up.

Adam:
[brightly] Now I know why you guys are always making fun of me so much. I'm stupid!

Principal Perry:
It's times like these I think: Who's gonna feed all my cats? I hope they don't eat Mother. I hope she doesn't THEM!

Principal Perry:
Hey, Dooley, I'm sorry for being so hard on you. You're not such a bad kid.

Leo:
Thanks. And you... are a tolerable, middle-aged authority figure.

Principal Perry:
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Principal Perry:
Dooley! WHAT did I tell you about being in an elevator in an emergency?

Leo:
That if you get stuck, cats will eat your mom?

Leo:
[finally free of the elevator] Oh, guys! Thank you for saving my life! I owe you guys.

Chase Davenport:
Actually, we're the ones that got you stuck in there.

Leo:
Oh. Well, then, you'll be hearing from my lawyers.

Chase Davenport:
Ahh, Mr. Davenport was right. We never should've switched our chips! Without my bionic intelligence, I'm just a dumb bag of meat! No offense, Adam.

Adam:
Aw, none taken. Man, without my super-strength, I just feel like a puny, weak, doll-bodied chump with an ugly shirt. No offense, Chase.

Donald Davenport:
[pulling out his checkbook] Now, how big of a bill can I expect from the school?

Chase Davenport:
None. We made it all look like an accident.

Donald Davenport:
Ha! Yes! Way to go!

Adam:
OH, NO! MY HEAD'S COMING OFF!

Chase Davenport:
[indicating his head] I got all sorts of smarts up in here. Heh. Like numbers and mathy stuff.

Principal Perry:
[over an emergency phone] I AM STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR!

Adam:
Serves her right for not takin' the stairs.

Principal Perry:
The thumb's my favorite. It's the filet mignon of fingers.

Bree Davenport:
I want chores!

Chase Davenport:
I want money!

Adam Davenport:
Oh, I want a big furry hat so I can wear it to scare animals!

Leo Dooley:
You guys can finish MY chores. There's no reason for ME to have money since Miss Bank-Manager put a freeze on my fun account.

Bree Davenport:
Perfect! You could EAT off of this floor.

Adam Davenport:
Could, can and will!

Adam Davenport:
Hey, guys! I got my new spray-on jeans.

Chase Davenport:
How is THAT responsible spending?

Adam Davenport:
Twenty-seven pairs in one can. That's one for every day of the month.

Chase Davenport:
Friends come and go but money is forever.

Donald Davenport:
Eddy, this is a jewelry box that Tasha's grandmother gave her. It's been broken for years so I am going to restore it and surprise her with it. Yeah, I'm perfect.

Eddy:
Ooo, if you REALLY wanna surprise her, let's split town and not leave a forwarding address.

Eddy:
You act like I enjoy causing trouble. Oh, by the way, Tasha says she wishes you were taller.

Adam Davenport:
Welcome to our indoor yard sale. Nice to touch, pretty to hold, but if you break it, consider it sold.

Bree Davenport:
Nothing says fashion like meat on your back.

Donald Davenport:
Hey, you wanna help me fix your mom's jewelry box?

Leo Dooley:
I would but I have something fun to do.

Tasha Davenport:
I specifically told you not to see that movie.

Leo Dooley:
Come on. This isn't fair. I don't like high-heeled shoes and lady magazines, but I don't tell you not to buy them with YOUR money.

[Tasha turns to see Donald frantically gesturing to Leo behind her]

Donald Davenport:
Sorry, I was just trying to stop him before he buried himself, but I was WAY too late.

Donald Davenport:
How could you sell my things?

Adam Davenport:
Oh, it's super easy. You just put signs up and people go nuts.

Donald Davenport:
Look, guys, money can make people greedy and selfish. I mean, I know it's hard to tell to look at ME because, over the years, I've learned to hide it with my debonair outer charm.

Tasha Davenport:
I have an idea.

Donald Davenport:
[excited] You wanna watch Pig Zombies with me? I knew you would come around. Score!

Tasha Davenport:
Oh, honey, no. I'm a grown-up.

Leo Dooley:
I still don't understand how you convinced Mom to let me watch this marathon with you.

Donald Davenport:
Ha. It was easy. I just told her that instead of grounding you for a week she should let you watch this - and then ground you for a month.

Donald Davenport:
[meeting Leo's shocked gaze] You did lie.

Leo Dooley:
Oh, I was kinda hoping you forgot about that.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, I... I kinda didn't, but nice try though.

Adam Davenport:
[lifts the sofa and finds... ] Oh, that's where I left my lucky floss!

Chase Davenport:
If you use that, I will hurl.

Adam Davenport:
And then I will clean up that hurl. Ka-ching!

Donald Davenport:
[leading Tasha, with eyes shut, into the living room] All right, keep 'em closed.

Tasha Davenport:
[excited] Okay.

Donald Davenport:
Keep 'em closed.

Tasha Davenport:
All right, all right

Tasha Davenport:
[running into the sofa] Ow!

Donald Davenport:
Ooo. Watch where you're goin'.

Donald Davenport:
Okay, guys, you have been trained for all kinds of missions, but you are about to enter a soul-bruising, confidence-crushing apocalyptic environment: high school.

Leo:
That's Principal Perry. She has the temperament of a junkyard dog stuffed into a really bad pantsuit.

Leo:
Okay, your social life is determined by where you sit. We can't sit at The Cool Table, but we can be Cool Table Adjacent.

Bree:
F.Y.I., Adam just sat down at the cool table.

Leo:
What? He can't sit THERE! That's where the football players sit with the cheerleaders - and they pride themselves on finding very clever places to stuff your pudding cup.

Trent:
Hey. That's my seat. Get lost before I use you like a napkin.

Bree:
Chase, we should probably go.

Bree:
[to Trent] He's not very absorbent.

Leo:
[all suave after Chase chases out the football players] Hello, ladies. You may remember me from health class when I passed out during the miracle of birth video. It's good to see you again.

Leo:
You manhandled the quarterback and pudding-popped the whole defensive line!

Chase Davenport:
What? Aw, great! This is SO gonna come back to haunt my supreme court nomination.

Chase Davenport:
[no longer in Commando Mode] Hey, there's Trent. I better go apologize.

Bree:
Whoa! Slow it up, buttercup.

Leo:
Mail him a greeting card. It's so much more personal.

Chase Davenport:
[as Spike] Losing makes me wanna rip out my own intestines and wear 'em as a headband.

Principal Perry:
Seven seconds left. Now remember, kids, there's no shame in losing. Oh, wait! Yes, there is! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Game on!

[Chase's Commando App disengages in the midst of playing football]

Chase Davenport:
Wait. Where am I? And... am I wearing a jock strap?

Chase Davenport:
Well, we may not be the Alpha Dogs anymore, but at least we still have each other. We're not total nobodies.

Leo:
No, we are total nobodies, but at least I have you three to carry my broken butt home.

Chase Davenport:
[as Spike] Are you sweating? 'Cause I smell gravy.

Chase Davenport:
[as Spike] Hey, Ireland called. They want their leprechaun back.

Leo:
Put on some underpants. We're goin' to school.

Donald Davenport:
No, see, in the face of an imminent threat, Chase's Commando App kicks in and he becomes a fearless brute I like to call Spike. It's kinda like a fight-or-flight thing, except I took out the flight part, 'cause - useless - and I replaced it with a testosterone level of, like, a Tasmanian devil-wolverine-shark-lion hybrid that's mad.

Adam:
Guys, look. The cheerleaders cut up my food into tiny pieces. I'm eating a turkey burger through a straw. Mm, gibblet-y.

Eddy:
Hiya, hot stuff! You look like a million megapixels.

Edie:
I bet you say that to all the emoticons.

Eddy:
Just the curvy ones with one eye.

Marcus Davenport:
You know, you guys are the only people who have talked to me at this school. I HATE being the new kid.

Chase Davenport:
Yeah, we used to be the new kids that no one talked to. Now we're just the vaguely familiar kids that no one talks to.

Adam:
We are so similar. Do you have a third nipple, too?

Marcus Davenport:
That's okay, guys. We don't HAVE to jam. Not everyone needs a bright spot in their otherwise horrible life.

Marcus Davenport:
I think you both have real raw talent.

Adam:
Oh, well, if our talent is "raw" then we better get COOKING!

Marcus Davenport:
I-I'd LOVE to hear your theory on plasma gasification.

Donald Davenport:
Who wouldn't?

Donald Davenport:
Hey, you know, Bree and I were gonna demo the Holo-Pet for Career Day, but since you guys have a band, maybe we could demo my Concert-in-a-Can instead. That'll be such a great surprise for her.

Marcus Davenport:
That is good! THAT is GOOD! What is it?

Donald Davenport:
Uh, it's a can that creates a virtual holographic concert experience. It's... something I designed for those of us who WOULD be rock stars if we weren't busy being brilliant inventors.

Adam:
Leo, this reminds me of a story of a boy named Wolf, who cried a lot. And after that, his friends never believed him. And then... his grandmother ate him.

Leo:
Well, I'm a jammer as well. My rocking is only eclipsed by my rolling.

Chase Davenport:
Leo, your mom said you played the clarinet for three weeks until you swallowed the reed.

Leo:
I passed it.

Bree:
[to Donald after getting snarked by Eddy] Does he have a plug? Because I would really like to yank it.

Donald Davenport:
Look, Bree, I'm... I'm more of a... fun uncle than a school activity dad. It's just I can't stand around with a bunch of dads talking "dad." "Hey, there, Pete! How's the station wagon?" "Real good, Joe. How's your lawn comin' along?" "Is that a poly-cotton blend?" "Oh MY!"

Bree:
Oh, I KNOW you didn't shoot that laser at me!

Adam:
[with false contrition] Oh, I'm sorry, it was a terrible mistake - just like your face!

Adam:
Hey, why does he gets a force field and I don't?

Bree:
'Cause if you had one, I wouldn't be able to do this!

[throws a plastic bottle into his chest]

[stepping out of their biologically regulated atmospheric chamber showers]

Adam:
Oh, great. You gave me your underwear by mistake.

Bree:
Gross!

Chase:
What are you complaining about? I got the bra!

Donald:
Do you realize what you've done? I had to write a check to that school for thirty grand to make this go away!

Leo:
For thirty grand, I'll go away.

Chase:
Careful there, buddy. That piece of cake has approximately forty-seven grams of sugar. If you eat it, you'd be bouncing off the walls for hours.

Adam:
How do you know that?

Chase:
'Cause I just had twelve pieces!

[grabs another one, splashes it against his mouth, and goes crazy]

Chase:
WOO HOO!

[Adam does the same, and they start jumping up and down on the couch]

Tasha:
[upon discovering the genetically engineered superhumans living beneath their house] Who are they?

Donald:
Uh... they, uh, are, uh... a boyband I've been working with, um, and the twist is one of 'em's a girl.

Chase:
[after Bree hugs a lunch lady and Adam rips the door from a locker] Would you two quit goofing off. We're supposed to not draw attention to ourselves.

[the school bell rings and Chase falls to the ground, squirling and screaming from the sound]

Leo:
What's up with Crazy?

Bree:
He has ultra-sensitive bionic hearing.

Chase:
[finally sitting up as the bell stops] What WAS that?

Leo:
It's called a bell. It rings every forty minutes, eight times a day, so... have fun with that.

Leo:
This place is huge! I'm gonna need a GPS just to find the bathroom.

Leo:
[discovering and delighted by Donald's secret underground lab] My new dad is Batman!

Adam:
Ah, I bet school's fun, you know, except for the books, classes and learning stuff.

Adam:
Ah, shoot! We forgot about Davenport's creepy computer.

Leo:
I thought it was just in the living room!

Eddy:
Nope! I'm EVERYWHERE.

Leo:
In my shower?

Eddy:
Yep. And, by the way, nothing needs to be that clean, sport-o.

Leo:
Okay, we need to shut that thing OFF!

Adam:
Aha! Sweet! I barely got electrocuted!

Donald:
Because they're human, their emotions can trigger their bionics. If one of 'em gets a little nervous or upset or even a little bit too happy...

Tasha:
Uh-huh?

Donald:
...they could take out everything from here to Tijuana.

Leo:
[to Adam and Bree] You guys ROCK! Ever since gym class, everyone wants to be my friend, AND there's been a certain gentleness to my wedgies.

Bree:
Where were you?

Chase:
[with a wicked smile] Computer lab taking med school courses. Guess who just became a chiropractor in the Philippines?

Kavan:
Aren't you the girl who tried to make me eat a basketball in gym class?

Donald:
Hope we're not too late.

Tasha:
Do you smell smoke?

Donald:
We're too late.

Adam:
So do ALL fuzzy animals have girls inside them or JUST the dingoes?

Adam:
Think we should wake him up?

Bree:
No, let him sleep.

Adam:
But he's drooling on my socks.

Donald:
Uh, Leo, why don't you go check out your new bedroom? Just go straight down that hallway, and when you see the room with the video games and the action figures and the 50-foot-screen TV... keep walkin'. That's mine.

Leo:
Don't look at me. I told you to stay away from internet dating.

Bree:
We just got our first taste of normal life. I was THIS CLOSE to getting a curfew - which I was totally gonna break.

Adam:
Ooo, but maybe when we get to wherever we're going, we'll meet a sassy lab chimp named Bobo who will take us on adventures and teach us how to love.

Chase Davenport:
Or maybe you'll make him angry and he'll maul you and snack on your fingers.

Adam:
Hey! I create the monkey fantasies around here!

Eddy:
Well, kids, I hope you've enjoyed your stay at Casa Davenport. I know I haven't. Sayonara!

Leo Dooley:
I can't help but think this is all my fault.

Adam:
Oh, that's because it IS all your fault.

Chase Davenport:
I'm not eating a banana peel.

Leo Dooley:
You don't eat it. You just chew it till all the flavor's gone.

Tasha Davenport:
Leo, you're not taking robots to school. Your teachers already think you're a little weird.

Leo Dooley:
What makes you say that?

Tasha Davenport:
Because on your last progress report, it said "We think Leo's a little weird."

Tasha Davenport:
Donald, you have got to get rid of those robots. Leo thinks they're real. He needs to be around normal kids.

Donald Davenport:
Honey, when I was growing up, I never hung out with normal kids.

Tasha Davenport:
And your best friend is a computer in the wall.

Eddy:
I guess you lost THAT battle, huh, Tasha?

Bree:
Great plan, Adam. "Oh, let's just hide in the recycling truck and see where we end up!"

Adam:
Oh, who could have predicted that the recycling truck would dump us in the recycling center?

Chase Davenport:
[sarcastically] I had my suspicions.

Chase Davenport:
We can't go home. If Davenport sees us, he's just gonna try and send us away again.

Adam:
Oh, right. Well, then let's just go find a new scientist-slash-father with a high-tech basement lab and live THERE, you know? Done and done.

Donald Davenport:
Look, Leo, I know you're gonna miss Adam, Bree and Chase, so I laser-scanned their features onto these bio-synthetic robots and I programmed them with their core personality traits. Is this great or what? It'll be like they never left. Whadda ya think?

Leo Dooley:
I think the excitement of having a billionaire dad just wore off.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, when I was your age, I had to say goodbye to a lot of my friends. There was Lave Man and... and Stretch Legstrong and Jo Jo Biggs and all of his friends in the space cantina.

Leo Dooley:
Those are all action figures.

Donald Davenport:
[emotionally] More like fully posable pieces of my heart.

Donald Davenport:
I don't know what you kids were thinking, pulling a stunt like that. You could have seriously hurt yourselves.

Adam:
Yeah, but you gotta admit my ro-bot-ac-cent-was-dead-on!

Chase Davenport:
Can we please take him back to the recycling center?

Leo Dooley:
Look, it's hard for me to talk about, but when I was younger I had a very traumatic experience with a shark.

Chase Davenport:
You did?

Leo Dooley:
It was the dead of summer. I was playing in the water when all of a sudden everything turned red. And that's when I realized...

Adam Davenport:
Realize what?

Leo Dooley:
It bit me.

Chase Davenport:
A great white?

Leo Dooley:
No.

Adam Davenport:
Hammerhead?

Leo Dooley:
No.

Chase Davenport:
Tiger?

Leo Dooley:
No.

Chase Davenport:
Thresher.

Leo Dooley:
No.

Chase Davenport:
Bull shark?

Leo Dooley:
Okay, it was rubber!

Chase Davenport:
Wait-wait-wait... You were bitten by a TOY shark at the beach?

Leo Dooley:
NO!... It was a bathtub.

[Adam and Chase laugh]

Leo Dooley:
BUT, that water was chop-py. And I was not the only victim: Mr. Froggy is still missing.

Adam Davenport:
You know what else is missing?

Leo Dooley:
What?

Adam Davenport:
Your manhood.

Janelle:
[at Leo's bad joke] She's plastic and even HER stomach is turning from that one.

Adam Davenport:
Hey, Janelle, aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls? Give it to Chase.

Chase Davenport:
It's not a doll, it's a CPR dummy - or, in your case, another inanimate object that's smarter than you.

Donald Davenport:
You and I are going to be spending some quality father-daughter time; so, who are your totes crushing on? Is he adorbs?

Bree Davenport:
What?

Donald Davenport:
I'm sorry. After the word "piglets" I retreated into my safe place.

Principal Perry:
When I get interviewed I get nervous, and when I get nervous I start making up lies. I can't help it. It's a medical condition. See? I just did it right there.

Donald Davenport:
I'll do it, but this blackmailing thing is getting old.

Principal Perry:
So's this marriage. Now, shut your yap and get in the car.

[Adam gets his hand stuck in a robot shark's mouth]

Chase Davenport:
Why would you put your hand in there?

Adam Davenport:
Because I didn't think my head would fit.

Principal Perry:
What're you wearing? It's a country club, not a funeral.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, it's not a bagpipe player convention either.

Principal Perry:
[clenching a fist] How'd you like me to pipe YOUR bag?

Janelle:
All right, it's your turn to give her mouth-to-mouth.

Leo Dooley:
Okay, but shouldn't I at least take her out to dinner first?

Janelle:
You better learn CPR fast, because your jokes... are dying.

Donald Davenport:
Um, sweetie, can you go out to the car and get the "pottery" from "Peru?"

Bree Davenport:
Really?

Donald Davenport:
Sometimes I forget that underneath her layers of venom there lies a troll with a tiny, dried-out raisin of a heart.

Leo Dooley:
Sorry, sharks. This beach is closed.

Leo Dooley:
So, Adam, here is our Smack Down game plan: I will distract everyone while you use your bionics to crush our opponents.

Adam Davenport:
I'm sorry, Leo. Bionics are for missions. Using them for school competition would just be wrong.

Leo Dooley:
But you GOT to use your bionics! It's the whole reason I chose you! It's the weapon part of "our secret weapon!"

[Chase uses his super-hearing to eavesdrop]

Chase Davenport:
She lied to me!

Leo Dooley:
Wow. Millions of dollars of technology for you to get a tiny grasp of the obvious.

Bree Davenport:
Well, since you used bionics on me, I'm gonna use mine on you. And beware. It's coming when you least expect it.

Chase Davenport:
Ooo, those are big words coming from the manly Spanish-speaking Swede.

Adam Davenport:
Hey, Leo, do I seem a little jittery to you? Huh? Huh? Do I? ANSWER ME!

Adam Davenport:
Sorry I'm late, Principal Perry. SOMEBODY locked me in my cap... bedroom, but I just had a gigantic bowl of my favorite cereal, so now I'm ready to compete, crush and destroy.

Principal Perry:
THAT'S the Dingo spirit! Bring on the pain!

Adam Davenport:
Whoo!

Leo Dooley:
[facing Adam in the final fight competition] But wait. No. We're like brothers.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, good point. Um... well, then, I guess I will crush and destroy you as gently as possible while still crushing and destroying you.

Principal Perry:
Life was so much more gratifying when I was a prison guard.

Adam Davenport:
Wait, so you can control what I do from across the room.

Chase Davenport:
The Override App is pretty cool, huh?

Adam Davenport:
So YOU'RE the one that's been making me do stupid stuff all these years.

Chase Davenport:
No, that's all you.

Leo Dooley:
Well, my bladder's strong but, just to be safe, I'm stickin' to dark gym shorts.

Gordo:
I myself will be wearing a full-body diaper. In the face or fear, you'll never know where you're gonna leak from.

Principal Perry:
Let's go! I'm payin' these paramedics by the hour! Break something already!

Donald Davenport:
Okay, Leo, this is your chance to prove you're responsible enough to stay at home without us.

Leo:
Me? What about them?

[indicates Chase, Adam and Bree lounging on the sofa]

Donald Davenport:
They were designed to go on missions and save the world; you were designed to break stuff.

Leo:
Don't worry. I know the rules: No touchy-touchy your stuffy-stuffy.

Tasha Davenport:
Don't worry. Eddy is here to monitor every room in the house. He is like a virtual baby-sitter.

Eddy:
Yeah, and I virtually care about your kids.

Leo:
Chase, what're you doing on Davenport's computer?

Chase Davenport:
Oh-ho. I'm pulling a prank on him. The next time he checks his bank account, it's gonna be in euros. Bam! Same value but still funny, right?

Adam:
Bree, look what you did! You got butterscotch pudding all over my broccoli.

[eats some]

Adam:
What a delicious mistake!

[loud beeping]

Leo:
What the heck is THAT?

Chase Davenport:
Well, it's either Mr. Davenport's radon gas alarm or it's his emergency phone, and being that none of us have passed out yet - IT'S HIS EMERGENCY PHONE!

Adam:
I think I'm okay. Wait, my voice isn't coming out of my butt, is it?

Leo:
A giant flying piece of metal and a teenage girl - I see how you can get that messed up.

Chase Davenport:
I messed it up because my vision was impaired... by YOU, Mr. Touchy-Stuffy Mommy-Misser!

Leo:
Chase, let's not play the blame game.

Tasha Davenport:
Are you telling me that we are just randomly flying around right now, no flight plan, no pilot?

Eddy:
Gee, Tasha, this sounds pretty serious. You should probably jump out.

Eddy:
Buckle up, sugar, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Donald Davenport:
It looks like somebody TOUCHED MY STUFF!

Adam:
Buddy, up what's?

Donald Davenport:
Oh, no. I think I forgot to unplug the lemp. I better call home.

Tasha Davenport:
You are just making up words so that you can check on the kids. "The lemp?" Where's that, on the toble next to the bid?

Leo:
Come on, Big D, it's summer vacation. Let's hit the beach! Slap on some shorts and show everyone your pasty, little walking sticks.

Tasha Davenport:
Can't we go just five minutes without something sparking, exploding or oozing around here?

Donald Davenport:
Just pack your stuff in the RV and get ready to get your beach on!

Chase Davenport:
Adam, safety goggles aren't going to protect our eyes from the solar flare.

Adam:
No, but it will protect us from the glare when Pasty-Legs Davenport puts on his shorts.

Donald Davenport:
This supercomputer is calculating the precise time that you're to launch the rocket. It could be minutes. It could be hours. You'll just have to wait and see.

Bree:
Wha... In HERE? But we're supposed to go to the beach.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, and I was supposed to be six-foot-one. Life is FULL of disappointments.

Chase Davenport:
Right. So WE have to pay the price for another short guy with an axe to grind.

Donald Davenport:
You know what? I don't need your approval. I'm rich.

Chase Davenport:
Hey, super speed does not overrule democracy!

Donald Davenport:
You know, an hour ago I was a little freaked out because I didn't know what was happening, but now I think I prefer the mystery!

Chase Davenport:
Bree, how many words can you type in a minute?

Bree:
All of 'em.

Donald Davenport:
Welcome to the Davenport Industries' Mobile Action Lab.

Leo:
Very impressive, Big D. You're the master of the ta-da moment.

Donald Davenport:
Ta-da! I call her The Ugly Lady because it's what's on the inside that counts.

Donald Davenport:
I still have to secretly supervise the mission from here, so how would you like to be my covert communications liaison?

Leo:
Is this like the time you tricked me into doing the dishes by calling me your culinary implement decontaminator?

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, pretty much.

Donald Davenport:
Shh! I'm picking up radio-free Singapore.

Tasha Davenport:
Bree is... my... personal trainer.

Grandma Rose:
Oh. And what exactly does a personal trainer do?

Bree:
[stuck for an answer] It's... personal?

Chase Davenport:
Buckle up, Exo, 'cause you're about to go on Mr. Leo's wild ride.

Leo Dooley:
[trapped inside the berserk exoskeleton] Okay, this is the scariest and most awesome thing that has ever happened to me!

Chase Davenport:
[as Donald cowers behind him] Are you using me as a shield?

Donald Davenport:
You're bionic!

Chase Davenport:
[explaining why the exoskeleton has gone berserk] I just wanted to mess with Leo.

Donald Davenport:
Well, next time, could you just give him a wedgie like everybody else?

Donald Davenport:
Guys, I'm... I'm really enjoying the heartfelt moment, but I'm running out of pillows here!

Chase Davenport:
Once a year, Mr. Davenport and I present his newest devices to all the international buyers. In other words...

Chase Davenport, Donald Davenport:
[together] Ka-ching!

[Chase and Donald perform a secret handshake between them]

Chase Davenport:
[noting Leo's attempt to join in] What are you doing?

Leo Dooley:
I wanna be in on... The Call.

Chase Davenport:
Yeah... Sorry, Leo. There's no more room. I'm already the product specialist, the set designer, chief demonstrator, and insanely happy spokesmodel.

[demonstrated smiling and posing ability]

Donald Davenport:
Although there MIGHT be a role for Leo... as long as someone follows him around everywhere he goes with a fire extinguisher.

Leo Dooley:
I could sell nunchucks to a nun named Chuck.

Tasha Davenport:
And Chase... Chase is Leo's... nanny. Man-nanny. Manny.

Grandma Rose:
Aren't you a little young to be a manny?

Chase Davenport:
Aren't YOU a little young to be a grandma?

Grandma Rose:
Oh, I like HIM.

Donald Davenport:
[after Chase argues against allowing Leo to help with their annual techno-sale] Yeah, but could use the help. I mean, this year I'm unveiling my coup d'etat.

Leo Dooley:
[covering Chase's ears] With CHILDREN in the room?

Grandma Rose:
In my day, we didn't have all these gizmos and gadgets. Ya had your family - it was horrible - and you lived with it.

Tasha Davenport:
[angrily] What on Earth is going on down here?

Donald Davenport:
The exo-skeleton went berserk and almost crushed me.

Tasha Davenport:
My mother is upstairs.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, okay. You win.

Leo Dooley:
I wasn't trying to bump you out. I was tryin' to show you up. You know, add a little sizzle to your steak.

Chase Davenport:
Well, congratulations, Leo. You won. You got the sizzle, you got the steak, you got the whole stinkin' cow!

Leo Dooley:
[as Chase exits] Hey, you're my manny. You're supposed to be nice to me.

Tasha Davenport:
[to Donald as the exo-skeleton trashes the living room] It's destroying our house and you're throwing pillows at it!

Donald Davenport:
Well, they're called "throw pillows."

Grandma Rose:
[without break] Somebody better tell me what's going on right now, and right now just passed, so you're not talkin' fast enough.

Bree Davenport:
Adam is such a jerk. I can not believe that he embarrassed me in front of Jake.

Chase Davenport:
Yeah. You were doing just fine on your own.

Chase Davenport:
Don't worry. I know the perfect way to get revenge. I have been working on an upgrade to Mr. Davenport's cyber masks. Now, they're cyber masks and cloaks.

Bree Davenport:
That's not revenge, that's you being a nerd.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, I gotta go. We're having a big board meeting to discuss the future of Davenport Industries and I wanna get there early so I can lower everyone else's chairs.

Adam Davenport:
Principal Perry, I thought you were sick.

Bree:
[cyber-disguised as Perry] I am, but I ran out of people to give the virus to, so I'm spreading it around here.

Chase Davenport:
You look ridiculous.

Adam Davenport:
You realize I'm dressed like you.

Leo Dooley:
Daddy, evil uncle is scaring me.

Douglas Davenport:
[grimacing at Donald's foreign cuisine] What is that?

Donald Davenport:
You know, if I told you, you wouldn't enjoy it as much.

Douglas Davenport:
You know, what I love about this is I thought I swallowed it but it crawled back up my throat.

Douglas Davenport:
I ate a rat's eyeball for you!

Chase Davenport:
Thank you for a magical evening.

Jake Chambers:
Is there a problem?

Adam Davenport:
Absolutely.

Bree Davenport, Principal Perry:
[cyber-disguised as Perry: Bree's voice, Perry's looks] Because of your stupid mask, I'm about to lose the one guy who's not intimidated by me. Go to the dance and stall him until I can figure out how to switch this off!

Chase Davenport, Bree Davenport:
[cyber-disguised as Bree: his voice, her looks] No way.

Bree Davenport, Principal Perry:
I am a teenage girl trapped inside Perry's body. Do you REALLY wanna see what happens when those two mix?

Chase Davenport, Bree Davenport:
Fine, but that is no way to treat someone pretending to be a lady.

Chase Davenport:
Wow, the Hydro-loop is amazing. We just went from the mainland to the middle of the ocean in less than thirty seconds.

Leo Dooley:
Yep, and my lunch just went from my stomach to the floor in less than three.

Donald Davenport:
So? Whadda ya think?

Bree Davenport:
Beautiful view! Tons of space! I'm assuming we'll be living in the basement again.

Donald Davenport:
No. Here we call in "below sea level."

Donald Davenport:
This is one of the main classroom areas, and here is the training area where we'll develop the kids' skills and teach them to become bionic heroes.

Adam Davenport:
You couldn't teach Chase how to be one. What chance do THEY have?

Adam Davenport:
Leo, were you not listening? I'm a teacher now: it's MISTER Adam to you.

Sebastian:
Hey, what's Orientation Day?

Adam Davenport:
Oh, that's just a fancy way of saying Mr. Davenport's gonna talk a lot.

Donald Davenport:
[to Adam] I heard that.

Donald Davenport:
[grinning to Sebastian] And he's RIGHT!

Leo Dooley:
[finding himself on par with the academy's smallest student] I'm on the same level as HIM? He's tiny.

Spin:
[affronted] I'm young. What's your excuse?

Donald Davenport:
[to the students] This facility is here so that you can train your bionics in a safe space and develop into the heroes you see before me. But, first things first. We have to get rid of your soldier numbers and give you some really cool new names. S-12, you are now Donald Junior. You're Donald the third.

Donald Davenport:
[going further down the line of new students] Donald, Donaldella, Donaldina...

Sebastian:
Davenport, I'd like to change my name from S-3 to Sebastian.

Donald Davenport:
Really? 'Cause I always saw you as a Julio.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, you're not ready to be a mentor, so stop complaining and start getting to know your fellow students.

Leo Dooley:
I don't have to. They're all named Donald.

Chase Davenport:
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

[classroom laughs]

Chase Davenport:
That's it! You just earned yourself detention, mister!

Sebastian:
Good! I don't even know what that is!

Adam Davenport:
Whoa! Dude, you can fly?

Bob:
Technically, it's called levitation. Look it up, bro. I had to.

Adam Davenport:
What's your name?

Bob:
Didn't get one yet. I was thinkin' "Theodore."

Adam Davenport:
Nah, you need something more sophisticated and distinguished. A complex name for a complex man. I'm gonna call you... Bob!

Bob:
I LIKE it! Wait. How do you spell that?

Adam Davenport:
[admiringly] You and I are gonna get along just fine.

Chase Davenport:
Whadda you think you're doing?

Sebastian:
Look, I'm just trying to make people laugh before you put 'em to sleep.

Chase Davenport:
I don't put people to sleep. I motivate them to think with their eyes closed.

Chase Davenport:
It's time I show you who's boss.

Sebastian:
Really? Are you sure you scheduled enough time for that?

Donald Davenport:
You learned a very valuable lesson today - as a STUDENT!

Leo Dooley:
Face it. You're a bionic ballerina.

Sebastian:
I'm good with the truce as long as HE stops acting like a bionic dictator.

Chase Davenport:
[heatedly] I only do that because I know what everyone should do and when they should do it!

[Bree exits]

Sebastian:
She's pretty cute.

Chase Davenport:
Dude, that's my sister.

Sebastian:
I know. Could you put in a good word for me?

Chase Davenport:
TRUCE IS OFF!

Bree Davenport:
Adam, get off of him! He's not a surfboard!

Adam Davenport:
I know. Surfboards don't belch ever time you take a corner.

Tasha Davenport:
Still can't believe you guys got your own island. For Valentine's Day all I got was a lousy t-shirt that said "I married Donald."

Adam Davenport:
Wait, you guys are married? I just thought you came over a lot.

[Tasha discovers Leo's participation in missions has been more dangerous than she was lead to believe]

Adam Davenport:
No-no, Leo does all the dangerous stuff WITH us. This one time, he was dangling from a helicopter on top of a skyscraper. It was SUPER dangerous.

[Chase urgently gestures Adam to cut the chatter]

Adam Davenport:
Oh, that's right! He almost got decapitated that time, too!

Adam Davenport:
[waggling Leo's head] It's only a matter of time before this thing just pops right off.

Bob:
Whoa! Slow down. Where's the fire? Oh, it's right here, 'cause you're the hottest thing I'VE ever seen.

Caitlin:
[brightly and sing-songy] Hi, everyone! I'm here!

Chase Davenport:
Caitlin?

Caitlin:
This place is beautiful. Thanks for inviting me.

Bree Davenport:
We... didn't invite you.

Caitlin:
It was implied, Bree.

Caitlin:
I had no idea where you guys went after you left Mission Creek.

Chase Davenport:
That was the plan.

Adam Davenport:
[seeing Leo get whatever he wants from Tasha] Uh, I'll take a ham sandwich.

Tasha Davenport:
[witheringly] Are you injured?

Adam Davenport:
[slamming a metal bowl against his knee] Ow, my knee!

Adam Davenport:
[looking to Tasha] I'll take mustard on that.

Chase Davenport:
What happened to mature, responsible Bree who doesn't get roped into petty squabbles?

Bree Davenport:
This isn't petty. I just can't let her get the boy I don't really want.

Leo Dooley:
Anchor me.

Chase Davenport:
Thanks for dinner Tasha. That was delicious. So nice to have a home-cooked meal again.

Adam Davenport:
Really? I thought the chicken was a little dry.

Principal Perry:
Hey! School's over. Go home and make your PARENTS miserable.

Principal Perry:
I know this may come as a shock, but being a principal isn't as glamorous as I make it look.

Chase Davenport:
Guys, getting this painting back is gonna be a lot more difficult that I thought.

Adam Davenport:
[scoffs] Why don't we just grab it and run?

Chase Davenport:
The woman is holding a metal club, and I don't think she's afraid to use it.

Donald Davenport:
[whispering] We have to distract these agents before they find the lab.

Leo Dooley:
On it.

Leo Dooley:
[to Agent Ryker] Hey, wanna hear a joke?

Agent Ryker:
No.

Leo Dooley:
Play twenty questions?

Agent Ryker:
No.

Leo Dooley:
A poem it is.

Adam Davenport:
Hey, Mr. Agent, We've got nothin' to hide - but say we did. How would we go about doing that?

Eddy:
Well, look who finally got a big boy voice. Still waitin' for the rest of your little boy body to catch up, huh?

Chase Davenport:
Hey, great news, everybody!

Adam Davenport:
You just scored a goal on your junior soccer league?

Bree Davenport:
You finally fit into mens pants?

Leo Dooley:
You're going bald?

Chase Davenport:
Why would that be great news?

Leo Dooley:
You already act like a boring old man. You might as well look the part.

Donald Davenport:
Don't worry. Human Eddy isn't mean. When I put his artificial intelligence into this synthetic body, I altered his personality. I made him nice.

Human Eddy:
I begged his not to, but now I'm glad.

Human Eddy:
Well, I'll tell you what's wrong with these kids, Perry. There's not enough of 'em.

Perry:
You're new here, so I'm gonna let that one go.

Leo Dooley:
Good morning, Eddy.

Human Eddy:
Go choke on a muffin!

Bree Davenport:
What did he just say?

Human Eddy:
I said "Go choke on a muffin," but if you prefer a bagel or danish, as long as you're gasping for air, I'm good.

Adam Davenport:
Chase, I can't help it if I'm a genius.

Chase Davenport:
You are not a genius!

Adam Davenport:
Well, the President thinks so and he's a pretty smart dude. There's a reason he's the king of America.

President:
We'll have a debate. Whoever wins gets the job. Fair?

Adam Davenport:
Sounds good to me. Let's debate! I call skins!

[unzips jacket]

Chase Davenport:
Ugh, this is gonna get ugly really fast.

Adam Davenport:
So, YOU'RE gonna be skins?

Donald Davenport:
You know, I don't think I've ever had anyone offer to brush my hair before.

Human Eddy:
Welcome to Heaven.

Leo Dooley:
You're BUYING this?

Donald Davenport:
If you're asking if I believe in my technology more than my children - yes!

Adam Davenport:
Give my best to the queen.

Perry:
You're right, Dooley! That dashing robo-hippy is tryin' to snake my gig! I gotta go sharpen my big toe and go get 'im!

Adam Davenport:
Oh, since you're leaving, I'm using your capsule as my sock drawer.

Chase Davenport:
Well, you can stop.

Adam Davenport:
No, I can't. I already broke up with my old sock drawer, and if I go back now it's just gonna be awkward.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, well, nothing makes me feel happier than knowing you feel terrible.

Human Eddy:
Oh, Terry, I could never fill YOUR shoes. Mostly because I don't fit into a size gnome.

Perry:
What'd you say to me?

Human Eddy:
I said why don't you go back to your mushroom house and leave me alone!

Human Eddy:
Hey, if you're gonna grab MY beard, then I'm gonna grab yours.

Human Eddy:
Hey, get back here and fight me like the she-beast you are!

Donald Davenport:
Hey, guys. I have some very exciting news.

Adam Davenport:
You're finally eligible for senior citizen discounts?

Donald Davenport:
No. Maybe. I don't wanna talk about it.

Donald Davenport:
Look, the President called and he's honoring you guys with a prestigious award for completing mission No. 1000.

Chase Davenport:
Hey.

Taylor:
That's awesome! Congratulations, you guys!

Chase Davenport:
Thanks, but technically, if you count all our missions when our bionics were still a secret, the number's actually 2,604 - but who's counting?

Bree Davenport:
You are! That's all you do is count!

Chase Davenport:
I do NOT - but just for the record that's the fifty-third time that you've told me that.

Chase Davenport:
Hey, Adam, how's the fire prevention training going?

Adam Davenport:
What? You said fire "prevention?"

[all look towards a distant explosion followed shortly by an emergency alarm]

Adam Davenport:
Ooo. Welp, it's too late to prevent THAT one.

Adam Davenport:
[to his team] Could you guys put that fire out and PREVENT the other fifteen we set?

Bree Davenport:
Uh, no offense, Logan, but when did Leo become your hero?

Logan:
Are you kidding? Talk about an underdog. He was just a regular guy, then all of a sudden he got bionics and became an inspiration to the whole world.

Leo Dooley:
Well, that IS my story.

Logan:
And I love how he didn't let his scrawny body and inferior skill set stop him from...

Leo Dooley:
We got it, Logan.

Adam Davenport:
All right, guys, let's get back to work! Next up: CPR training. Uhp, no, wait - CPR "prevention."

Leo Dooley:
I hate this. I worked so hard to prove myself but it doesn't matter. They're always gonna see me as their little brother who's barely bionic.

Douglas Davenport:
You got some oil on your face.

Donald Davenport:
Oh, that's not oil. That's an organic sea kelp facial cream. Gives me the pours of a fourteen-year-old Taiwanese girl's.

Douglas Davenport:
Yikes. How bad is HER life?

Bree Davenport:
Hey, Leo.

Leo Dooley:
DON'T talk to me like I'm a child!

Bree Davenport:
All I said was "Hey, Leo."

Leo Dooley:
Well, I detected a tone.

Leo Dooley:
I am not "light!" With a full bladder, I am pushing triple digits.

Chase Davenport:
You should've stopped when I told you to. This just proves you're not ready to lead your own team.

Leo Dooley:
I am MORE than ready, and maybe I wouldn't feel like I need to prove that to you guys if you weren't looking down on me.

Bree Davenport:
Leo, we don't look down on you.

Adam Davenport:
Yeah, we have total respect for ALL of your shortcomings.

Leo Dooley:
When are you guys gonna stop treating me like an idiot?

Chase Davenport:
Maybe when you stop acting like one.

[Leo threatens to legally divorce Chase as a brother]

Adam Davenport:
Don't worry, Chase. He can't legally do that. Trust me, I've looked into it.

Chase Davenport:
Wai-wai-wait. So, even though it's OUR award ceremony, now it's become all about you?

Donald Davenport:
You know, for the smartest man in the world, it really took you a long time to figure that out.

Adam Davenport:
HEY! GOOD TO SEE YOU UP AND AROUND! JUST SO YOU KNOW, THIS IS ADAM!

Taylor:
I lost my vision, not my hearing.

Adam Davenport:
[to Chase] She obviously didn't lose that nasty attitude, either.

Bree Davenport:
Are you crying?

Douglas Davenport:
No... I'm just allergic to happiness.

Donald Davenport:
Come on, you old softy. Now that everybody's safe, you can help me out of this girdle.

Douglas Davenport:
[weeping] Oh... Oh, God!

Adam Davenport:
Luckily for me, I'm bionic, so I don't have a gag reflex.

Bree Davenport:
We're ALL bionic and, yes, you do.

Adam Davenport:
No, I don't.

[Adam suddenly gags on his protein recovery bar]

Adam Davenport:
Whoa! Yes, I do.

Bree Davenport:
Guys, these kids have no social skills because they've been completely isolated from the real world. They have no idea what it's like to be normal.

Leo Dooley:
Ah, yes. I remember YOUR first days out of the lab. So young. So naive. You needed a strong hand to guide you.

Bree Davenport:
Yeah... but all we got was you.

[the Davenport teens want to take the ex-soldiers on a field trip]

Donald Davenport:
Forget it. They're not ready to socialize with the general population yet.

Chase Davenport:
Well... yeah, but neither is Adam and we still let him out of HIS cage.

Adam Davenport:
Stop talkin' about me like I'm an animal. Hey, I'm hungry. Is it almost feeding time?

Chase Davenport:
I mean, if you hadn't let us go to Mission Creek High, we'd still be clueless shut-ins.

Adam Davenport:
Look at us now, living isolated on a remote island. We've come so far.

Donald Davenport:
Where are Adam, Bree and Chase?

Leo Dooley:
Uh, they're... d'uh... snorkeling. Believe it or not, there's a little coral reef you didn't destroy when you built this monstrosity.

Bree Davenport:
Girl tears - more powerful than any bionic ability.

Bree Davenport:
Wait. Are-are you wearing... olive oil?

Leo Dooley:
What a man does with his imported oils is his own business.

Donald Davenport:
I'm sucking! I'm sucking!

Leo Dooley:
Suck HARDER!

Leo Dooley:
All right, Big D, assume the position!

Leo Dooley:
Chase, there's no way you can beat Adam arm-wrestling. It'd be like a chicken wrestling an alligator. All we hear is a cock-a-doodle-crunch.

Adam Davenport:
He's right, bro. Your spaghetti arms are no match for these meatballs.

Adam Davenport:
[kissing his biceps adoringly] Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mm...

Chase Davenport:
Hey, when you're done kissing your girlfriends, let's do this.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, come on. I wanna be the clever one around here for once.

Bree Davenport:
Yeah, and I wanna convertible made out of diamonds, but that's not gonna happen either.

Adam Davenport:
Oh, guys, calm down! There's a simple solution to this!

[Bree and Chase look to Adam]

Adam Davenport:
[looking back] Does anyone know what it is?

Marcus Davenport:
[on his cell phone] Dad, it is gonna be so epic when I capture Adam, Bree and Chase. Fine. When WE capture them. Just like when WE forgot my birthday. Oh, I'm sorry. Are YOU angry, or are WE angry?

[Tasha walks in]

Eddy:
Ew, she's hideously deformed! Look away! Look away!

Marcus Davenport:
Hey, guys. How's it goin'?

Leo Dooley:
Ooo, bundle up, everyone. It just got partly creepy with a hundred percent chance of annoying.

Adam Davenport:
Oof. Am I gonna need my umbrella for that?

Adam Davenport:
[seeing Chase roll a watermelon into the transporter] Hey... Nobody told me we were racing fruit. I'm gettin' my kiwis. Get ready, boys! It's showtime!

Donald Davenport:
What? You put my wife through the teleporter?

Adam Davenport:
[nonchalantly] Enjoy it, dude. Take a day off.

Bree Davenport:
Oh, don't hug her too hard. Her guts might come squishin' out.

Tasha Davenport:
Thankfully, Adam was smart enough to call me on my cell phone and tell me you guys accidentally teleplanted me.

Donald Davenport:
[correcting her delicately] Well, it's... it's... it's "teleported."

Tasha Davenport:
Tele-someone who cares!

[first lines]

Leo:
Guys? With the dance coming up, I thought you could use a lesson in how to ask a lady out.

Adam:
Oh, great. Do you know a guy who can teach us?

Adam:
Perfect! You get the alligator; I'm gonna go round up that baby.

Chase Davenport:
[about Danielle] She wants a hero. We just have to make Leo look heroic.

Leo:
Well, that's a dead end. What else shall we do today?

Chase Davenport:
Wait a minute. Adam's onto something - which is quite an achievement for someone that doesn't know how to eat a pineapple.

Adam:
Hey, I got it down, didn't I?

Leo:
You stole my woman. Where I come from we call that a love crime.

Adam:
Hey, all is fair in love and fake locker accidents.

Adam:
Okay, you say not to do something, and you do the exact same thing. You're a total hypnotist!

Adam:
[happily] Aww, where's Danielle? She dump you already?

Chase Davenport:
No. She's in the bathroom.

Adam:
Ah, she's probably climbing out of the window to get away from you.

Ethan:
You know how long it took me to build the courage to walk over here and ask you to the dance? I had to practice with my mom.

Bree:
Did she at least say yes?

Ethan:
Yeah. We're going bowling Friday night.

Adam:
That was the worst thing I've ever seen, but it's brought me the most joy I've ever known.

Leo:
You smelled so good I kind of passed out.

Leo:
I wanted to apologize. I'd never do something like this to my friends, but... you guys aren't my friends.

Adam:
Leo, F.I.Y., this is the worst apology ever.

Leo:
I'm saying you're not my friends because you're my brothers.

Adam:
Aw. Yeah, you're like the brother I never had.

Chase Davenport:
Adam, you HAVE a brother.

Adam:
No, I know. I said like the one I DIDN'T have.

Chase Davenport:
Hey, guys, I finally figured it out.

Adam:
Ah, me, too. Do not eat the outside of a pineapple. Ooph! That'll come back to haunt you.

Leo Dooley:
You save your toenails?

Adam Davenport:
Of course. They're nature's toothpicks.

Bree Davenport:
You don't even want to know what he flosses with.

Adam Davenport:
You really don't.

Chase Davenport:
[seeing Adam pick up a beaker] Hey, get away from that! It's not empty! There are thousands of metallic nanobots in there!

Adam Davenport:
Well, then, why can't I see them?

Chase Davenport:
Because they're microscopically small.

Adam Davenport:
But you're microscopically small and I can still see you!

Adam Davenport:
Oh, I got a tennis ball and a mini Statue of Liberty somewhere in m' gut. It's time to swallow a search party.

Chase Davenport:
Why is Dewey the Dingo standing in the middle of the hallway?

Adam Davenport:
Uhh, I don't know, but I think it means we get six more weeks of winter.

Principal Perry:
Every year before the big homecoming game against the Deerfield High Leapin' Llamas, some punk manages to steal Dewey. No matter where I put it, they always find a way to get it.

Chase Davenport:
Maybe YOU should try wearing it. That'll keep people away.

[Principal Perry assigns round-the-clock shifts to guard school mascot Dewey]

Chase Davenport:
[disgusted] Two-man shifts and she paired me with YOU!

Adam Davenport:
[indicating himself] Mm. Great! So we got one man. Who's the other one?

Caitlin:
I got stuck with second place last year. If it happens again, I'l have to shave my head, move to the desert, and hope the coyotes will accept me as one of their own.

Leo Dooley:
[sarcastically] THAT'S something a stable person would say.

Chase Davenport:
[guarding Dewey] This is a waste of time! I could be doing my homework!

Adam Davenport:
I know, and I could be standing in front of a mirror squishing my face to see how I'll look when I'm old.

Chase Davenport:
I'm going to the bathroom. Watch the dingo.

Adam Davenport:
Chase, you can't have a dingo costume and not put it on. It's an unwritten rule. It's sorta like how you don't have to wash your legs or feet because the shower water trickles down.

Leo Dooley:
It's amazing how much you can accomplish when you're not OUT OF YOUR MIND!

Chase Davenport:
Adam, we got a big problem!

Adam Davenport:
"We?" It's not my fault your haircut makes you look like a lady golfer.

Adam Davenport:
F.Y.I., if I spit on you, it does NOT mean I like you.

Principal Perry:
Better grab my lasso. Worked a couple rodeos during college. Nobody could stay on me for more than three seconds.

Principal Perry:
All right! Anybody who doesn't want to end up face-down and hogtied, outta my way!

Chase Davenport:
Adam, we have to do something! Hurry, help me think! Wow. That's something I never thought I'd say.

Donald Davenport:
Guys! Guys! I did it! I did it! I finally did it!

Leo Dooley:
Graduated to big boy shoes?

Tasha Davenport:
I was thinking I could interview you for my TV station. "Local reporter lands presidential award winner."

Donald Davenport:
Oh, yeah.

Tasha Davenport:
A Tasha Davenport exclusive.

Donald Davenport:
Mm.

Tasha Davenport:
This could really be a really big break.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, well, it would be a really big break for YOU.

Tasha Davenport:
Wha...

Donald Davenport:
I mean, it would really help your faltering career. No, I mean you'd really get to cover something that finally matters. You know what? You have got yourself an interview.

[repeated line]

Donald Davenport:
That's weird. I just lost my train of thought.

Bree Davenport:
Leo, what is going on?

Leo Dooley:
You know that neural thing that we were ALL playing with?...

Adam Davenport:
[seeing Donald behaving like a fifteen-year-old] Man, I like him much better this way. Can we keep him?

Chase Davenport:
Adam, he's not a dog.

Donald Davenport:
Ooo, peanut butter.

[licks it out of the jar]

Donald Davenport:
Mm-mm-mm-mm...

Adam Davenport:
Heeee's pretty much a dog.

Chase Davenport:
Quick! Get him out of here before we get busted!

Adam Davenport:
Where do I take him?

Chase Davenport:
I don't know, just take him for a walk.

Adam Davenport:
[laughing] Oh, he's totally a dog.

[repeated line]

Adam Davenport:
Science!

Donald Davenport:
Science!

Chase Davenport:
Man! I TOTALLY Leo'd this up!

Tasha Davenport:
Well, it was very nice meeting you.

White House Rep:
Yes. And... I met you, too.

Chase Davenport:
Sneakin' in after curfew - this'll totally boost my bad boy cred. Tippy-toes, people. Tippy-toes.

Bree Davenport:
Spoken like a true bad boy.

Donald Davenport:
A 'C' in history?

Leo Dooley:
Yeah. I like to start low and work my way up. Lets the teachers know they're makin' an impact. It's my way of giving back.

Leo Dooley:
[having misused the neural scrambler] I don't know why they gave him that presidential medal. This thing is faulty!

Chase Davenport:
The device is fine. YOU'RE the problem! You Leo'd this up!

Leo Dooley:
Hey, don't you turn my name into a verb.

Adam Davenport:
Baby Davenport is crackin' me up!

Chase Davenport:
How old are you?

Donald Davenport:
Old enough to know that you numbskulls have LEO'D UP MY LAB!

Leo Dooley:
[at hearing is name used negatively yet again] Okay, that stops NOW!

Donald Davenport:
[having unveiled action figures of Adam, Bree and Chase for Christmas] Now that the world knows and loves you guys, a toy company was eager to put one of these in every kid's stocking... for a small licensing fee.

Leo Dooley:
[coughs markedly] Didn't they forget a certain someone?

[Donald looks at Leo]

Leo Dooley:
I'm just saying this face would look dashing in molded plastic. It appeals to children of all ages.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, we agreed to keep your bionic arm a secret. Besides, this is about Adam, Bree and Chase - and ME!

[holds up a replica of himself, beginning to play with it as a child]

Donald Davenport:
[noticing everyone staring at him] What? It comes free with the set.

Bree Davenport:
Right, because no one would actually pay for you.

Adam Davenport:
Look, Chase, yours is life-sized.

Chase Davenport:
Oh, and look, Adam's head is hollow, just like the real thing.

Adam Davenport:
It's not hollow, it's... filled with potential.

Bree Davenport:
What, potential? More like air.

Adam Davenport:
It has fur AND rubber. What else do you need in life?

Adam Davenport:
[as to Chase's improvements of their toy action figures] Ah, Chase, how can I put this in a way that won't hurt your feelings? You're the worst person that's ever been born and this is the biggest waste of time and money I have EVER seen.

[Donald invites Leo for a snowball fight with snowball guns]

Leo Dooley:
So rare the cow volunteers for the slaughter.

Donald Davenport:
Lock and load.

Donald Davenport:
If you need me, I'll be in the laundry chute.

Grandma Rose:
Leo, I want you to tell me what's going on - and don't you lie to me!

Leo Dooley:
Uh...

Grandma Rose:
That's a lie!

Leo Dooley:
Well...

Grandma Rose:
That's another lie!

Leo Dooley:
[to Rose, sobbing] I'm just a child. I didn't know what was going on.

Donald Davenport:
[as Leo sobs into his hands] What are you doing?

Leo Dooley:
[to Donald] She already hates you; I can still get out of this alive.

Grandma Rose:
You know what? Lemme get my hair drier. I'm gonna put some machinery in YOU!

Grandma Rose:
He's a bad father.

Leo Dooley:
Okay, that's it. Gramma, you can yell at him for a lot of things. He's egotistical, immature...

Donald Davenport:
Handsome.

Leo Dooley:
Delusional!

[Leo tries to have Gramma Rose appreciate his having a bionic arm]

Leo Dooley:
Listen, Gramma, he is the best father I could ask for. And, yes, I have a bionic arm because of his technology, but that technology will also allow me to help people.

Grandma Rose:
How?

Leo Dooley:
Well, I can lift a car off of someone. I can punch through a wall and rescue some people.

[Rose is unmoved]

Leo Dooley:
I can power you through the line of shoppers on Black Friday.

Grandma Rose:
Keep talkin'.

Adam Davenport:
[having destroyed his own action figure] Why is it you always hurt the ones you love?

[Adam unintentionally knocks Donald across the room]

Bree Davenport:
Don't look at us. You're the one who gave super-strength to a box of rocks.

Leo Dooley:
You used my suggestions as a sponge?

Donald Davenport:
More like a paper towel - but it was very absorbent.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, I told you you can't be part of the team. You're not bionic - and, besides, statistics show that most accidents happen within a three-mile radius of YOU.

Leo Dooley:
But I've grown. I've matured. I wear a medium now.

[Leo is finally allowed to help but... ]

Leo Dooley:
You want me to be your secretary?

Donald Davenport:
No. Secretaries get paid. You'd be doing this for free.

Principal Perry:
[referring to herself] Do you really wanna poke the bear?

Leo Dooley:
Do you really wanna use that analogy?

Chase Davenport:
[given detention unfairly] This isn't fair.

Leo Dooley:
[sympathetically] No, it really isn't.

Leo Dooley:
[cheerfully] Well, you have fun!

[walks out]

Leo Dooley:
[sarcastically] Summary reports are done and, may I say, I've never felt so alive.

Principal Perry:
I used to be a maximum security prison guard, and I still have the scars from the electric chair to prove it. It was the middle of the night, and I thought it was the can. It happens. D'you wanna see?

Principal Perry:
In Dingo detention we have two simple rules: no talking and no cell phones.

Bree Davenport:
And, apparently, no mouthwash.

Principal Perry:
Jokes on you. I gargle with vinegar.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, where is everybody? I sent out a mission alert and no one is responding.

Leo Dooley:
Oh, they're stuck in detention. They're probably getting flipped and ripped as we speak. The flipping's not so bad. It's the ripping that haunts ya.

Donald Davenport:
[learning that Adam, Bree and Chase are in school detention] I gotta get Principal Perry to let them go - talk about a highly toxic gas cloud.

Leo Dooley:
This is serious! This is a matter of life and death!

Principal Perry:
You said that same thing when the vending machine ran out of cheese curls.

Eddy:
What if this gas corrodes all my special parts?

Donald Davenport:
You only HAVE one special part - your off switch!

Donald Davenport:
Tiny Logic strikes again!

Bree Davenport:
Can I just say that your hair looks great? Uh, who is doing it these days?

Principal Perry:
Fernando over at The Wig Connection. He's a genius. It's mostly raccoon.

Leo Dooley:
This was NOT supposed to happen!

Donald Davenport:
Really? 'Cause when I woke up this morning, I was so hoping I would be pureed in a banana suit.

Eddy:
[dying] I need you to do something for me: Tell... Tasha... it should've been her.

Donald Davenport:
I'm sorry, Eddy. We couldn't save your body.

Leo Dooley:
But to be honest we didn't even try.

Leo Dooley:
[newly christened as Team Mission Specialist] Wow, I'm officially on the team! I-I-I have my own place in the lab and I'll finally have input?

Donald Davenport:
Mm-hm.

Leo Dooley:
Sounds like the kind of position that SHOULD come with a serious increase in allowance.

Donald Davenport:
Or I could eliminate the position entirely.

Leo Dooley:
[still smiling] We'll talk about money later.

[reflecting an earlier scene]

Leo Dooley:
[given detention unfairly] WHAT? But that's not fair!

Chase Davenport:
[sympathetically] No, it really isn't.

Chase Davenport:
[cheerfully] Well, you have fun!

[walks out]

[Principal Perry is searching students for banned items]

Bree:
[pointedly while presenting her backpack] You're not gonna want anything in here. It's just stuff that improves your hygiene and appearance.

Principal Perry:
Mocking my porcelain Irish skin? Back of the line, princess.

Leo:
Why, hello there. And how are my highly qualified and underpaid educational leaders doing today?

Adam:
Ugh! This hot dog's not even hot! And don't get me started on the fact that it's not even a dog!

Adam:
Oh, I love shaking your cookie bits.

Tasha Davenport:
I will have you know that Leo has been an exemplary student this year.

Donald Davenport:
[scoffing] Who told you that?

Tasha Davenport:
Leo.

Chase Davenport:
Everyone, just stay calm.

Bree:
We ARE calm.

Chase Davenport:
WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T BE! WE'RE IN CRISIS!

Tasha Davenport:
Leo, what were you doing sneaking in to this nice woman's office?

Leo:
Well, I wasn't sneaking into a NICE woman's office. I was sneaking into HER office.

Principal Perry:
Don't you wish kids had a return policy?

Adam:
[bursting onto the principal's office] Bree, what is taking so long... ah, I mean - oops! - this isn't the men's room.

Principal Perry:
Why would I be sitting in the men's room?

Chase Davenport:
Because anything else would be unladylike.

Donald Davenport:
[detained in the principal's office] Quick! Crush that hard drive!

Adam:
But you told us "Never use bionics in school."

Donald Davenport:
And YET... here we are, so forget what I said and CRUSH IT!

Chase Davenport:
What the heck is Parent/Teacher Night?

Leo:
It's when teachers tell your parents every bad thing you've done - forgetting homework, skipping class, staging a protest for better bathroom soap. Don't look at me like that. You're all benefitting from my rebellion.

Adam Davenport:
Ah, life is so much better now we don't have to keep our missions a secret.

Leo Dooley:
I know! Now people can tell us how great we are right to our faces.

Crowd:
[chanting, to Leo's dismay] Adam, Bree and Chase! Adam, Bree and Chase!

Douglas Davenport:
So, long story short, Donny put me in charge of developing technology for the academy, but only on a trial basis.

Spin:
Why just a trial basis?

Douglas Davenport:
I honestly don't know.

Leo Dooley:
You tried to annihilate his whole family!

Douglas Davenport:
Come on, you've met 'em. Can you blame me?

Douglas Davenport:
The point is, I have the chance to get back in my brother's good graces; so, I've been working on some new devices that are going to really impress Donny. Whadda you guys wanna see first? The Stabber 2000? Plague in a Bottle? Uh-oh, here comes the Pencil Bazooka - you can't erase the injuries THIS thing'll cause.

Douglas Davenport:
Why does this school always have to be about the kids?

Spin:
He'll be back. He always comes back.

Adam Davenport:
We've got mission alerts comin' in from all across the country. There's no way we can handle 'em all. I told you we should've opened up a Canadian branch.

Adam Davenport:
Sorry, Leo. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me four, five, six times, I'm stayin' home.

Douglas Davenport:
He keeps this up, I'm goin' back to the dark side.

Spin:
Take me with you!

Spin:
How do you get a hamster out of a sheepdog?

Principal Perry:
So, you guys are bionic. How's that work? Can you recharge my cell phones? Do you have vacuum attachments? Can you turn into wolves?

Adam Davenport:
Not yet, but I did put that in the suggestion box.

Principal Perry:
My own lunch ladies! How could you betray me? And I taught you how to recycle substandard meat!

Principal Perry:
Where's my uniform?

Adam Davenport:
Uhh... you don't get one. The tailor says science hasn't caught up to that yet.

Adam Davenport:
This is the kind of crisis that calls for a chilled beverage.

Chase Davenport:
Hey, Mr. Davenport. Don't worry. Everything is fine.

Donald Davenport:
[sealed outside of the control room] Course it is, that's why I got an alert on my phone that THE LAB IS ON LOCKDOWN!

Principal Perry:
[once again lead into the control room blindfolded] So it's an actual mission this time?

Chase Davenport:
[sarcastically] No, we're going on a pancake run.

Adam Davenport:
Multi-million dollar makeover and he couldn't install a landline? Genius my butt.

[first lines]

Adam:
Oh, I LOVE history class! Someone is always leaving me a little piece of gum stuck under my desk.

Marcus Davenport:
I wish I could stay with you guys for the weekend.

Leo:
And I wish you weren't a spastic sociopath with abandonment issues.

[Chase displays an ability for telekinesis]

Adam:
Man, if you can do that with YOUR mind, I wonder what I can do with mine!

Bree:
We've been wondering that for years.

Adam:
[entering the space station] Greetings, space people! We come in peace from a planet called EARRRRRTH.

Bree:
Adam, they're from Earth, too.

Adam:
No-no. That's what they WANT you to think, but you see her over there? She's about to pull her head off and become queen of the alien space people. Wait for it... Wait for it... Wait for it...

Davenport:
[taking Marcus home by car] I'm only gonna have time to come to a rolling stop, so when we get to your house, aim for grass.

Leo:
Oh, guys, don't look now, but here comes that guy none of us like - Marcus.

Adam, Chase Davenport, Bree:
[shouting happily upon seeing Marcus] M-dog!

Adam:
Whoa-ho!

Marcus Davenport:
Hey!

Adam:
What's up?

Leo:
[as the foursome embrace] Wait. Hold the phone. Hold the phone. Hold the freaky-deaky phone. "M-Dog?"

Chase Davenport:
Yeah. Bros call each other by nicknames.

Leo:
Well, I'm your actual bro and you don't call me by a nickname.

Adam:
[laughing] Actually, we do. We just choose not to do it in your presence - Mr. Tiny McLittlestein.

Adam:
[mocking Chase] "I'm your mission leader." Why don't you just put it on a t-shirt so everyone knows when you walk into a room?

Chase Davenport:
[displaying shirt that says Mission Leader] I did.

Adam:
Fine. When the Martians show up, you're gettin' probed first.

Adam Davenport:
[checking out his gym shoe] Aww, smells like something died in here. Whoa-ho! Something DID die in here! Chase, look at this!

Chase Davenport:
No.

Adam Davenport:
Well, at least tell me if this is fur or mold.

Chase Davenport:
NO!

Chase Davenport:
[seeing Adam's foot rip through his shoe] Adam, what did you do to your shoe?

Adam Davenport:
I guess I don't know my own strength. The same thing happened yesterday with my underwear. Oo, that reminds me, I got you a new headband for gym class.

[puts elastic lining of his ripped underwear on Chase's head]

Chase Davenport:
I can't believe you maxed out your strength after I specifically told you not to.

Adam Davenport:
In my defense, you telling me what to do is like a monkey telling a hedgehog what to do. It's ridiculous - but it WOULD make an awesome buddy cop movie.

Adam Davenport:
You DO know you're never gonna have a girlfriend, right?

Chase Davenport:
Yeah? And yours is gonna have to cut your food, so we're even.

Adam Davenport:
AHHH! I'm back to normal. Now I'm only a hundred times stronger than you. I guess I'm gonna have to hit you more often to make up for it.

Chase Davenport:
You... really don't have to.

Adam Davenport:
Aw, that's sweet, but I really do.

Chase Davenport:
No, you don't.

Adam Davenport:
Yes, I do.

Chase Davenport:
No, you don't.

Adam Davenport:
Come here.

Principal Perry:
All these smiling faces... I haven't seen this many teeth since I kept dental records at the morgue.

Adam Davenport:
I'm two inches tall and naked. DO something.

[Chase finds action figure clothes for tiny Adam]

Adam Davenport:
Really, Chase? A purple ninja outfit? You KNOW purple's not my color.

Chase Davenport:
It was from the lost and found. There were only two action figures, this and Power Girl, and you do NOT have the legs to work that skirt.

Principal Perry:
Sorry. I couldn't hear you with all that freedom on your face.

Adam Davenport:
Ha! No one can defeat the butt-ninja.

Leo Dooley:
For once, Leo's part of a solution to a problem he didn't create! YES!

Chase Davenport:
As we get older, our chips have to be recalibrated to adjust for our growth.

Adam Davenport:
[laughs] Oh, well, then yours will never have to be adjusted. 'Cause your body doesn't grow, get it?

[no response]

Adam Davenport:
I'm saying you're small.

Chase Davenport:
I get it!

Principal Perry:
Morning, oxygen hogs!

Leo Dooley:
[as Chase rifles through a student's book bag] Sorry, ma'am. Random bag search. There's been a rash of crouton theft at the salad bar. We're not saying it's you, but we're all thinkin' it.

Tasha Davenport:
I'm just saying this game is affecting him. Last week he tried to pause me - twice!

Donald Davenport:
[grinning to the guys] That'd really come in handy.

Donald Davenport:
[catching Tasha's expression] If it wasn't so wrong.

Leo Dooley:
Well, I keep telling you I'd love to work with you in the lab.

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, and I keep telling you I don't want to die in a fiery explosion.

Donald Davenport:
[grudgingly] You can be my... lab assistant.

Leo Dooley:
I prefer "scientific liaison."

Donald Davenport:
Yeah, how about Vice President of Stop Talking Before You Blow It?

Bree Davenport:
The coolest girls in school are coming for a sleepover, and I don't want this place smelling like feet and pickles.

Adam Davenport:
Well, not me. I'm armpits and onions.

Chase Davenport:
We are TOTALLY gonna sabotage that party! Whoo!

Adam Davenport:
Yeah, I don't really know what "sabotage" is, but if it means I'm getting wet, dirty or stuck to something, I'm in.

Donald Davenport:
Well, you're just lucky you didn't break my new laser deflector.

Leo Dooley:
[brightening at the sight of it] Laser deflector? That's got my name written all over it.

Donald Davenport:
Oh... if your name is Hands Off M' Stuff.

Donald Davenport:
I have an incredibly complicated task I need YOU to supervise.

Leo Dooley:
Well, I AM a multitasking go-getter with a knack for professionalism.

Stephanie:
[appraising the Davenport home] Sick house, totally huge, insane views, and it looks down on all the renters.

Stephanie:
Did you just hit me with that pillow?

Bree Davenport:
Yeah, and you just totally ate that couch!

Chase Davenport:
It's a prank! I don't really have three arms.

Adam Davenport:
I know, but it looks so real.

Eddy:
What did you DO? I feel sick. Ones and zeros are flying out of both ends!

Tasha Davenport:
What's going on HERE?

Bree Davenport:
Stephanie's deciding which of MY clothes are cute enough for her to wear.

Chase Davenport:
Now, the best prank is always the one that you don't expect.

Adam Davenport:
Got it.

[throws a handful of flour in Chase's face]

Donald Davenport:
It's not glass. It's a highly flexible industrial-grade polymer designed to withstand a missile hit.

Leo Dooley:
Oh. You got as missile?

Donald Davenport:
Not ON me!

Donald Davenport:
Leo, buddy, next time, try not to mention our secret plan IN FRONT OF THE GIANT FLAMING SKULL!

Donald Davenport:
It's so good, my stomach is pushing it back up so I can enjoy it all over again.

Chase Davenport:
In a horror movie, the first person to leave the room always gets killed. After you, Adam.

Adam Davenport:
[presenting a snack tray] Care for a horse da-ver-ver?

Viral Eddy:
There's no time to sleep when you're livin' in a nightmare.

Leo Dooley:
I did it! I killed it! And when I killed it, I was killin' it!

Donald Davenport:
You know, if I didn't have piles of pellets in my man folds right now, I'd almost be impressed.

Leo Dooley:
Does that mean I'm still your lab assistant?

Donald Davenport:
Uh, well, let's do the math: Um, how 'bout "Forget it" plus "Are you crazy?" divided by "You're outta your mind" multiplied by "You almost killed me."

Leo Dooley:
Equals "Maybe" to me.

Donald Davenport:
Great. Now, if you'll excuse me, those pellets were relatively high in fiber.

Principal Perry:
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna sort through your lose change and have a little heart-to-heart with the vending machine.

Principal Perry:
No one knows their way around a claw hammer better than I do.

Chase Davenport:
I do not doubt that.

Adam Davenport:
Our normal lives are over! I have to say goodbye to my pudding!

Chase Davenport:
Guys, what're we gonna do?

Adam Davenport:
Ahh, what're YOU worried about? You're so small they probably won't even see you.

Chase Davenport:
Adam, is this really the time to be making short jokes?

Adam Davenport:
Chase, there is never NOT a time, because, just like you, life is short.

Principal Perry:
You don't run a women's correctional facility without learning how to scale a few walls.

Donald Davenport:
So the leprechaun finally got her pot of gold.

Principal Perry:
[to Chase] What're you hidin', Little Bo Peep?

Bree Davenport:
Um... he... he's not hiding anything.

Adam Davenport:
Well, he does have an usually large birth mark on his left hip. You stare at it long enough and it kinda looks like Justin Bieber.

Bree Davenport:
[to Chase] Like, I wanna like you, but you make it SO hard.

Leo Dooley:
[providing voiceover commentary] Adam is six-foot-two, a rare combination of incredible strength and not much else.

Caitlin:
When I worked at the Pretzel Hut, we had this big three-for-one sale.

Chase Davenport:
Mm.

Caitlin:
It was a madhouse, and the customers wouldn't leave me alone. They all wanted the last cinnamon pretzel, so I did what any sane person would do: I ate it, then I sprayed everyone with hot butter and ran.

Adam Davenport:
Oo-oo-oo-oo, hot tub's empty. Y'better take your phone out of your pants. I'm gonna throw you in.

Chase Davenport:
My phone! It's gone!

Adam Davenport:
Perfect. Let's do this.

[grabs Chase]

Chase Davenport:
Someone must have packed my phone with the others. We have to find it!

Adam Davenport:
Whoa. "We?" I just came to watch you freak out.

Trent:
[as the new school principal] All right, I got some good news and I got some bad news. The bad news is I'm instituting a school uniform policy. The good news is only Dooley has to wear it. COME ON OUT, SWEET PRINCE!

Principal Perry:
[sudden realization] None of this junk will make me happy. What really matters in life is... treating people poorly for my own amusement - and nothing makes me feel more complete than doing it to you twerps. Mmm.

Bree Davenport:
What a wonderful life lesson.

Principal Perry:
Yeah. Guess I'm not gonna retire after all. It's back to my original plan of working till I drop and then getting stuffed and mounted over the gym door.

Leo Dooley:
You know what's weird? I kinda wanna see that.

Principal Perry:
If cooking your dinner in the same vat of water you bathe in is inappropriate, then I don't wanna be "appropriate!"

Chase Davenport:
Mr. Davenport, what are you doing here? We're not allowed visitors at work.

Donald Davenport:
I'm not a visitor. I'm a celebrity... and this celebrity needs a favor. Tomorrow is my anniversary, and all Tasha wants is that stupid ePhone - even though I could make something better outta junk from the trash. So, if I get her one early, it will make her feel special - so just go grab me a phone so I don't have to stay in line all night with these losers.

Chase Davenport:
No way. I could lose my job. You have to go wait in that line.

Donald Davenport:
[laughs, then... ] Seriously?

Chase Davenport:
[authoritatively] Now!

Principal Perry:
Morning, sewer sacks!

Principal Perry:
If I cared about shaping our youth, I'd still be teaching swim lessons down at the swamp. Hey, a kid sees a gator comin', he'll swim!

Donald Davenport:
[upon awakening] They're not prisoners! They LIKE living in my basement!

Caitlin:
[darkly] You are messing with the wrong girl on the wrong day.

Leo Dooley:
[providing voiceover commentary] A native of mission creek, Chase's hobbies include being a tattle tale and creeping out girls.

Chase Davenport:
[disappointed in Leo] Can you believe him? Skipping his training to hang out with a girl.

Adam Davenport:
Mm, you might understand it better one day when you actually have one.

Douglas Davenport:
Now, why would she lie? Krane's no longer controlling her mind with the Triton App, so she has no reason to be evil.

Chase Davenport:
Oh, yeah? Well that's what we thought about Sebastian, too, and we ALL know what happened there.

Adam Davenport:
We get it! He broke your heart! Let it go!

Bree Davenport:
[shouting] All the bionic students are gonna die?

Adam Davenport:
We're gonna die!

Bree Davenport:
But I'm way too young! I have, like, thirty more years left of being really really cute.

Adam Davenport:
Really? It would seem more like ten.

Bree Davenport:
Do you wanna die right now?

Douglas Davenport:
Only eight hours left till you guys... show the world what you're made of.

S-1:
Oh! My head! It hurts!

Chase Davenport:
I know. His jokes are awful.

Leo Dooley:
I just saved your butts.

Chase Davenport:
No, you didn't. You just dug our graves.

Leo Dooley:
So I leave for one afternoon and now everyone has hours to live? Why didn't you call me?

Chase Davenport:
Oh. I'm sorry. I've been a little busy trying to find ways not to BLOW UP!

Leo Dooley:
I'm sorry, but that's simply not good enough.

Douglas Davenport:
Leo, how could you attack her?

Leo Dooley:
Look, with everyone around here flip-flopping between good and bad, it's hard to keep track. I have to stop myself from taking YOU out five times a day.

Leo Dooley:
Did you say "She's waking up" or "She has a knife" 'cause, I'm just saying, those two sound very similar?

Leo Dooley:
[to Chase] You wanna borrow Bree's boots. You can stuff some paper in there so they fit.

Bree Davenport:
If this is my last day on Earth, I'm glad I'm going out knowing my brother loves me.

Adam Davenport:
Mmm. And I'm glad I'm going out knowing all our valuable possessions will be stolen by these lovely drifters.

Chase Davenport:
Attention everyone! I'm about to wirelessly install a lethal virus into your chips - but I'm doing it to save you, and if for some reason it doesn't work... well, you can all forget about last night's homework.

Bree Davenport:
Only you could make being brought back to life a buzzkill.

Adam Davenport:
This is the last time I buy used balloons.

S-1:
I'm sorry. I wanna be intimidated by you, but I just can't.

[last lines]

[after S-1 says she's glad she no longer has memory flashbacks of Victor Krane anymore, Adam enters to blow up balloons with his nostrils]

Leo Dooley:
Hang around here long enough and you'll have plenty of other horrifying memories to replace 'em with.

Donald Davenport:
Inventing the wheel? Boring. Discovering electricity? Snooze. Sliced bread? Lame. But now Davenport Industries introduces the world's first...

Donald Davenport:
[pulling back a sheet dramatically]... Proton Fuser!

[no reactions]

Leo Dooley:
You know, for a scientist, you'd think your payoffs would be a bit more proportionate to your buildups.

Chase Davenport:
Um, Mr. Davenport, isn't it dangerous to tinker with the fabric of the universe?

Adam Davenport:
Oh, ho-ho-ho. He said "tinker."

Donald Davenport:
Yes, technically it could destabilize the Earth or open up a wormhole into a parallel universe, but... I made it and I wanna play with it, so...

Tasha Davenport:
Your room is a mess and you haven't washed the dishes in days.

Leo Dooley:
But I've been looking forward to this movie all week.

Tasha Davenport:
And I've been looking forward to clean dishes all week.

Leo Dooley:
Really? Well, that's just sad.

Leo Dooley:
I just shot lightning out of my fingers. I don't know what's going on, but I'm terrified to pick my nose.

[Principa Perry offers Leo a cookie from the school's gourmet cafeteria]

Leo Dooley:
"Gourmet?" This coming from a woman who thinks mold is a vegetable?

Leo Dooley:
Hey, what're YOU doin' here?

Donald Davenport:
I always pick you up from school. A, your mother insists on it, and... B, it's the few minutes a day I can enjoy natural sunlight.

Donald Davenport:
Leo, it's hot in the car and I'm not allowed to use the air conditioning, so are you coming or not?

Agent Gordon:
We don't know how you do what you do. We're going to find out, even if it takes ten years in an isolated desert warehouse. Hope you sweat a lot. That's the only water you'll get.

Tasha Davenport:
[grabbed by an agent] Watch the suit or I'm telling your boss!

Agent Gordon:
I AM his boss.

Tasha Davenport:
Then... he's touching my suit!

Leo Dooley:
Thanks a lot, Chase. You're super-annoying in TWO universes.

Principal Perry:
Does my little schnookie need a cookie?

Leo Dooley:
I suppose your little schnookie could take a lookie at a cookie.

Adam Davenport:
Wait a second. New kid? From a foreign country? Do you know what this means?

Bree Davenport:
That you're not the only one we'll have to speak slowly to?

Adam Davenport:
No. He's a bionic spy. Well, think about it. Marcus was "the new kid" and look what happened with him. We can't take any chances. You hold him down; I'll strip him for parts.

Adam Davenport:
Alistair's a bionic spy and I'm gonna prove it, even if I have to learn how to speak Ireland-ish.

Leo Dooley:
We need to do something to bring Mission Creek High to the 21st century.

Donald Davenport:
[entering] Ooo, maybe I can help.

Leo Dooley, Chase Davenport:
[together] No!

Donald Davenport:
What? I am a genius tech mogul. I could revolutionize your whole school. Why wouldn't you want me to help?

Leo Dooley:
Because every time you try to help, it starts in a good place, but then your ego takes over and ruins everything.

Donald Davenport:
It wasn't easy matching the sounds of a gravel truck unloading with a bear in labor, but I got it.

Principal Perry:
I'm gonna buy us matching bikinis.

Leo Dooley:
And I'm gonna gouge my eyes out.

Leo Dooley:
Old people - you don't think you are but you are.

Principal Perry:
You are a genius.

Donald Davenport:
And you are a master of the obvious.

Principal Perry:
Fear. It's fear. And it's everywhere. It's the best smell in the world.

Donald Davenport:
I prefer crisply-minted hundreds, but whatever floats your boat, Perry Bomb.

Leo Dooley:
[seeing Donald take a fall] That's what you call a Daven-splat.

Bree Davenport:
Since your subtle interrogation failed, I think it's time we try a different tactic.

Adam Davenport:
Or we could do exactly what we did before and hope for a different result.

Donald Davenport:
Look, maybe you guys are right. From now on, I will not let my ego get the better of me - which shouldn't be hard because I am so awesome at everything.

Alistair:
[having conked his noggin] I see stars, and yellow moons, and green clovers.

Chase Davenport:
Mr. Davenport, how are we gonna stop Robo Perry?

Donald Davenport:
We don't have a choice. You're gonna have to use your bionics.

Chase Davenport:
You want us to expose ourselves in front of the school board?

Adam Davenport:
No, he wants us to use our bionics in front of the school board.

Principal Perry:
Morning, germ sacks!

Alistair:
Oh, terribly sorry to trouble you, but could you help me find me locker?