Die Hard

Businessman:
You don't like flying, do you?

John McClane:
What gives you that idea?

Businessman:
You want to know the secret to surviving air travel? After you get where you're going, take off your shoes and your socks then walk around on the rug bare foot and make fists with your toes.

John McClane:
Fists with your toes?

Businessman:
I know, it sounds crazy. Trust me, I've been doing it for nine years. Yessir, better than a shower and a hot cup of coffee.

John McClane:
OK.

John McClane:
It's okay. I'm a cop. Trust me, I've been doing this for eleven years.

Harry Ellis:
Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.

Theo:
Oh my God, the quarterback is toast.

John McClane:
You throw quite a party. I didn't realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.

Joseph Takagi:
Hey, we're flexible. Pearl Harbor didn't work out so we got you with tape decks.

Joseph Takagi:
You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?

Hans Gruber:
Who said we were terrorists?

John McClane:
C'mon baby, come ta' papa, I'll kiss ya' f***in' dalmatian.

John McClane:
A hundred million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

Supervisor:
Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only...

John McClane:
No f***ing shit, lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?

Hans Gruber:
"Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."

Hans Gruber:
I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further...

John McClane:
Ooooh, I'm very sorry Hans. I didn't get that message. Maybe you should've put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I've waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I decided to give you a call.

Hans Gruber:
Eh, that's... very kind of you, considering you are a mysterious party crasher. You are most troublesome, for a security guard.

John McClane:
Bzzzt. Sorry Hans, wrong guess. Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change?

John McClane:
Whoa, these are very bad for you.

Hans Gruber:
Who are you then?

John McClane:
Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.

Hans Gruber:
Mister Mystery Guest? Are you still there?

John McClane:
Yeah, I'm still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.

Hans Gruber:
Uh, no I'm afraid not. But you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshall Dillon?

John McClane:
Was always kinda' partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really dig those sequined shirts.

Hans Gruber:
Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mister Cowboy?

John McClane:
Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er.

Hans Gruber:
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The benefits of a classical education.

Dwayne T. Robinson:
We don't know shit, Powell. If there's hostages in there, how come no one's come to us with ransom demands? If there's terrorists in there, where's their list of demands? All we know is that whoever shot your car up is probably the same silly sonofabitch you've been talking to on that radio.

Sergeant Al Powell:
Excuse me sir. But what about the body that fell out the window?

Dwayne T. Robinson:
Well who knows? Maybe some stockbroker, got depressed.

Sergeant Al Powell:
In fact, I think he's a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he's definitely a badge.

Dwayne T. Robinson:
How do you know that?

Sergeant Al Powell:
A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.

Dwayne T. Robinson:
Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a f***ing bartender for all we know.

Hans Gruber:
I wanted this to be professional. Efficient, adroit, cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life.

John McClane:
Take *this* under advisement, jerkweed.

FBI Agent Johnson:
I'm Agent Johnson, this is Special Agent Johnson. No relation.

Hans Gruber:
This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.

John McClane:
That was Gary Cooper, asshole.

FBI Agent Johnson:
Figure we take out the terrorists. Lose twenty, twenty-five percent of the hostages.

FBI Special Agent Johnson:
I can live with that.

Holly Gennero McClane:
After all your posturing, all your speeches, you're nothing but a common thief.

Hans Gruber:
I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.

Dwayne T. Robinson:
They're gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.

John McClane:
Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er.

John McClane:
Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.

Holly Gennero McClane:
I have a request.

Hans Gruber:
What idiot put you in charge?

Holly Gennero McClane:
You did. When you murdered my boss. Now everyone's looking to me. Personally, I'd pass on the job. I don't enjoy being this close to you.

Hans Gruber:
You *can* unlock the vault, can't you?

Theo:
You didn't bring me along for my charming personality.

John McClane:
Welcome to the party pal.

Hans Gruber:
Nice suit. John Phillips, London. I have two myself. Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.

Dwayne T. Robinson:
God, I hope that's not a hostage.

Ginny:
Woah. That guy looks *really* pissed.

Holly Gennero McClane:
He's still alive.

Ginny:
What?

Holly Gennero McClane:
Only John can drive somebody that crazy.

Big Johnson:
Just like f***in' Saigon ain't it, Slick?

Little Johnson:
I was in junior high, dickhead.

Hans Gruber:
I am going to count to three, there will not be a four. Give me the code.

John McClane:
Is the building on fire?

Sergeant Al Powell:
No, but it's gonna need a paint job and a shit load of screen doors.

John McClane:
Merry Christmas, Argyle.

Argyle:
Merry Christmas.

Argyle:
Man, if this is their idea of Christmas, I *gotta* be here for New Year's.

John McClane:
So this is what it's about, Hans? A f***ing robbery?

Hans Gruber:
Well, when you steal $600, you can just disappear. But when you steal $600 million, they will find you, unless they think you're already dead.

John McClane:
You would have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.

Hans Gruber:
What was it you said to me earlier? "Yippie-kay-ya, motherf***er."

John McClane:
Just like I heard your brother squeal. When I broke his f***ing neck.

Harry Ellis:
Hey, sprechen ze talk?

Takagi:
You'll just have to kill me.

Hans Gruber:
Okay.

Dwayne T. Robinson:
I got a hundred people down here and they're all covered in glass.

John McClane:
Glass? Who gives a shit about glass? Who the f*** is this?

Dwayne T. Robinson:
This is Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge here.

John McClane:
Oh you're in charge? Well I got news for you *Dwayne*, from up here it doesn't look like you're in charge of jack shit.

Dwayne T. Robinson:
You listen to me you little asshole.

John McClane:
Asshole? I'm not the one who just got butt-f***ed on national TV, *Dwayne*.

Argyle:
So, why didn't you come with her man? What's up?

John McClane:
'Cause I'm a New York cop. I got a six-month backlog on New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I can't just pick up and go that easy.

John McClane:
I promise I will never even THINK about going up in a tall building again. Oh, god. Please don't let me die.

Hans Gruber:
You an American?

John McClane:
Only if New Jersey counts.

Hans:
Put down the gun, and give me my detonators.

John McClane:
Well, well, well... Hans.

Hans:
Put it down now.

John McClane:
That was pretty tricky with that accent. You oughta be on f***ing TV with that accent. But what do you want with the detonators, Hans? I already used all the explosives. Or did I?

Hans:
I'm going to count to three...

John McClane:
Yeah, like you did with Takagi?

John McClane:
Ooops, no bullets. What do you think, I'm f***ing stupid, Hans?

Hans:
You were saying?

Hans:
Mr. Takagi, I could talk about men's fashion and industrialization all day but I'm afraid work must intrude, and my associate Theo has some questions for you, sort of fill in the blanks questions...

Sergeant Al Powell:
The man is hurting! He's alone, he's tired, he hasn't seen half of what we've seen down here... and you're going to stand there and tell me that he's going to give a damn about what you do to him, IF he makes it out of there alive? Why don't you wake up and smell what you shovel in?

Hans:
Touching, Cowboy. Touching. Or should I call you Mr McClane? Mr Officer John McClane of the New York Police Department?

John McClane:
Sister Teresa called me Mr McClane in the Third Grade. My friends call me John... and you're neither shithead

John McClane:
Drop it, dickhead. It's the police.

Tony:
You're not going to hurt me.

John McClane:
Oh, yeah? Why not?

Tony:
Because you're a policeman. There are rules for policemen.

John McClane:
Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me.

John McClane:
Genario Motherf***er

Hans:
The following people are to be released from their captors : In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec... In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement...

Karl:
Asian Dawn Movement?

Hans:
I read about them in Time magazine

Gail Wallens:
Author of "Hostage Terrorist, Terrorist Hostage: A study in duality." Dr. Hasseldorf, what can we expect in the next few hours?

Dr. Hasseldorf:
Well, Gail, by this time the hostages will be going through the early stages of the Helsinki Syndrome.

Harvey Johnson:
As in Helsinki, Sweden.

Dr. Hasseldorf:
Finland.

Sergeant Al Powell:
I shot a kid.

Clay, Bill Clay

Fritz:
Spitzen-Stereoanlage! ["Nice stereo system!"]

James:
Ich hab' zwei davon in Berlin. ["I've got two of them in Berlin."]

Marco:
You are dog now! No more table! Where are you going, pal?! Next time you have a chance to kill someone, don't hesitate.

[McClane, knowing where Marco is from his taunting, shoots through the table, killing him]

John McClane:
Thanks for the advice.

[John is hiding from the gunmen]

John McClane:
Argyle, tell me you heard the shots. You're calling the police right now.

[Parking garage. Argyle is in John's limo listening to hip-hop and talking on the carphone]

Argyle:
Yeah, of course, I'm still coming by later. Sweetheart, have I lied to you? My boss? He thinks I'm on my way to Vegas.

John McClane:
[calling the police on a radio taken from the terrorists] Mayday, Mayday, emergency, anyone copy, channel nine. Terrorists have seized the Nakatomi Building, and are holding at least thirty people hostage. I repeat, unknown number of terrorists, six or more armed with automatic weapons at Nakatomi Plaza, Century City. Somebody answer me, god dammit!

First LAPD Operator:
[to other operator] It's the same address as that fire signal.

Second LAPD Operator:
I'll take this. [to McClaine] Attention, whoever you are: this frequency is reserved for emergency calls only.

John McClane:
No fuckin' shit, lady! Do I sound like I'm orderin' a pizza?! They have already killed one hostage, they are fortifying their positions while you're jerkin' me off on a radio! Now send the police down ASAP...

Second LAPD Operator:
[interrupting] Sir, I've already told you: this is a reserved channel. If this is an emergency call, dial 911 on your telephone. Otherwise, I'll report this as an FCC violation.

John McClane:
Fine, report me! Come the fuck down here and arrest me! Just send the police now!

[Karl shoots at him. The operators react with annoyed surprise on the other end when the hear the gunshots]

Second LAPD Operator:
See if a black-and-white can drive by.

Big Johnson:
[Whooping as their helicopter buzzes along just above street level] Just like fuckin' Saigon! Eh, Slick?

Little Johnson:
[grins back] I was in junior high, dickhead!

Fritz:
They're using artillery on us!

Hans Gruber:
You idiot. It's not the police. It's him.

Theo:
Those guys in the suits, I don't know who they are.

Hans Gruber:
That's the FBI. They're ordering the others to cut the building's power. Regular as clockwork.

Theo:
[grins in realization] Or a time lock.

Hans Gruber:
Precisely. The circuits that cannot be cut are cut automatically in response to a terrorist incident. You asked for miracles, Theo. I give you the F...B...I...

[last line]

Argyle:
If this is their idea of Christmas, I gotta be here for New Year's.

yipee kai yay mother fuckers