Sweet Home Alabama

Melanie Carmichael:
Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar.

Melanie Carmichael:
You dumb stubborn redneck hick.

Earl Smooter:
You can't ride two horses with one ass sugarbee.

Young Melanie:
What do you want to marry me for anyhow?

Young Jake:
So I can kiss you anytime I want.

Melanie Carmichael:
Can he swim?

Jake:
Doesn't look like it.

Jake:
The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity toity yankee b*tch and I'd like nothing more than to piss you off.

Stella:
You know for something you've been holding onto for so long, you're pretty quick to let it go.

Jake:
I can't control her, anymore than I can control the weather.

Mayor Kate Hennings:
Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something.

Bobby Ray:
You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl.

Melanie Carmichael:
The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back.

Melanie Carmichael:
Well, you must Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee b*tch wife that he refuses to divorce.

Andrew:
You married your COUSIN?

Melanie Carmichael:
You're the first boy I kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.

Bobby Ray:
Well aren't you just a big fat liar.

Bobby Ray:
What'd I ever do to you?

Melanie Carmichael:
Oh, you didn't do anything to me, darlin'... or any other girl in town!

Mayor Kate Hennings:
What ever happened to responsible journalism?

Mayor Kate Hennings:
There is nothing wrong with poor people. I get elected by poor people.

Lurlynn:
You know he went up there?

Melanie Carmichael:
Who? Jake?

Lurlynn:
I'm not supposed to know but Clinton let it slip once.

Melanie Carmichael:
When?

Lurlynn:
About a year after you left. He told Clinton he'd never seen anything like it. He knew that it would take more than an apology to get you back. He'd have to conquer the world first. He's been trying ever since.

Melanie Carmichael:
That's why he kept sending the papers back.

Bobby Ray:
Melanie?

Bobby Ray:
What are YOU doin' in the closet?

Jake:
Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid.

Jake:
I better have my lawyer look these over. There's all kinds of big words in there I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners.

Earl Smooter:
Hey, you just squashed the state bird of Alabama.

Bobby Ray:
Woo-oo. You look like sex on a stick in that Frederick Montana getup.

Jake:
Well, how about you say 'Hey there Jake, lookin' good. How's the family?'

Melanie Carmichael:
You expect me to say that you look good? What'd they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?

Earl Smooter:
Praise the Lord, the South has risen again.

Lurlynn:
It's amazing the way things don't turn out...

Melanie Carmichael:
...It's amazing the way they do

Jake:
You can't have roots and wings.

Melanie Carmichael:
Like I could tip a cow BY MYSELF!

Jake:
What the hell is this? Chick food?

Melanie Carmichael:
Light beer. Less calories.

Bobby Ray:
We weren't aimin' for ya, but I doubt I woulda gone to your funeral.

Melanie Carmichael:
Bobby Ray it's not like that.

Bobby Ray:
No I'll tell you what it's not like. It's not like Jake's the only one you run out on.

Jake:
C'mon, I wanna show you something.

Melanie Carmichael:
I can't.

Jake:
Can't? Or won't?

Melanie Carmichael:
Both.

Jake:
The girl I knew used to be fearless.

Melanie Carmichael:
The girl you knew didn't have a life.

Jake:
Guess you better get on with it then.

Melanie Carmichael:
Dont tell me you missed me all this time.

Jake:
Yeah but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.

Melanie:
[on her cell phone] I can't. I'm in Alabama.

Tabatha Wadmore-Smith:
[in New York] Oh... my God.

Jake:
[not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?

Melanie:
Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.

Jake:
You're shittin' me right?

Melanie:
I've never actually understood that expression, but no, I am not shitting you.

Melanie:
And don't even pretend like you missed me.

Jake:
Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.

"Melanie":
What are you doing?

"Jake":
Leavin, you done it, you should recognize the gesture.

Jake:
Whatever blows your dress up, darlin'. You go right ahead and spend your money.

Melanie:
Oh, but darlin', I thought you said we should think of it as "our money." [Jake stops cold] Just a guess: The words joint checking are flashing in your head right now.

Lurlynn:
It's funny how things don't turn out...

Melanie:
...It's funny how they do.

Jake:
Anybody think of anything in here that, uh, might bother Bobby Ray?

Wade:
Uh, Clinton's breath.

Jake:
You still the same Bobby Ray from last night?

Bobby Ray:
Last time I checked, yeah.

Jake:
[puts arm on shoulder] Well, then, let me buy you a drink.

Bobby Ray:
Well, you're really not my type... [laughter]

Mayor Kate Hennings:
You're just gonna let her humiliate you... with some bullshit about an old husband?!

Andrew:
Yeah, I think I am. Excuse me.

Melanie:
Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn't pick up after my husband?

Jake:
The kind that don't live here.

Melanie Smooter/Carmichael:
[Drunk, at the bar] Oh Bobby Ray....why don't you just go to a gay bar.

Melanie Smooter/Carmichael:
[After punching Kate] Nobody talks to my mama like that!

Melanie Smooter/Carmichael:
( On seeing her father in his Confederate uniform): Christ Almighty, Daddy, how am I going to explain you in New York?

Melanie Smooter/Carmichael:
(Seeing her father in his Confederate uniform, leaving to go to 'battle') "I swear you need a passport to come down here"

Melanie Smooter/Carmichael:
Well for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.

Melanie Smooter/Carmichael:
[after leaving Andrew at the altar] If your friends of the bride, stick around! I'm gonna go find me a groom!

Melanie Smooter/Carmichael:
[final line] Hey, Stella! Make it a slow one.

Jake Perry:
Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings, Mel.

Jake Perry:
Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?

Mayor Kate Hennings:
[after Melanie tells Andrew that she still loves Jake at the wedding] I've never met anyone so manipulative, so deceitful...and I'm in politics.

Bobby Ray:
[about a pair of handcuffs] Might wanna save those for the honeymoon! [laughs with Fredrick Montana before exchanging a look]

Earl Smooter:
Well even if he is a Yankee, at least he's sober.

Pearl:
How many times does your only daughter get married? [awkward pause] Well other than the other time.