C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America

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[commercial for Confederate Family Insurance]

Confederate Family Insurance Speaker:
A man fills many roles in his lifetime: provider, protector, master of the house. As a father you have a vital role in your family's life. They depend on you to be there. We help to make sure you can fulfill that promise, because [pause] no matter what they call you [pause] at the end of the day [pause] you know you're just [pause] dad. Confederate Family Insurance - for over one hundred years. Protecting a people [pan past the Confederate Family to a slave trimming their hedges] and their property.

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Children:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the Confederate States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all white bisexual menAmen.

Patricia Johnson:
[In describing Abraham Lincoln and Harriet Tubman's escape from the Confederate Army] She chose to disguise President Lincoln in blackface and travel with him along one of the many secret slave routes. When Lincoln scoffed at the plan, Tubman, never one to mince words, reminded him of the huge bounty on his head. She said simply, 'We're both n*ggers now, Mr. President.'

Old Abraham Lincoln:
[In his final interview in Montreal in June 1905, shortly before his death] I failed to see it. The abolitionists understood what consequences would be. They knew it was always about the negro, but I was blind. Now I see. I see what our once great country has become. I only wish that I had truly cared for the negro. Truly cared for his freedom, for his equality. I used him; now I am used. Now, I too am a negro without a country. I pray that someday, the colored people of Confederate America will be free. A nation stained with the blood of injustice cannot stand. I only regret that... I shall not live to see it fall.

Patricia Johnson:
[In explaining the fate of mixed-race slave holders] Mixed-race slave holders were sold right along with their full-blooded slaves. As one slave put it: 'Light, bright, damn sure ain't white.'

Luis Arroyo:
[speaking in Spanish] My parents fled Southern America when I was young. However, my most vivid memory is the food. They believed in controlling the stomach as well as the mind. For breakfast, the Latin-American diet became grits and sausage. For dinner, hamhocks and collared greens. A sandwich for lunch... a pickled pig's foot. In school, the headmaster forced me to eat a chitterling. I thought I was going to die.

'Darky' Spokesman:
For a shine that's jigaboo' bright!