- PG (Parental Guidance Suggested)
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I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns or bombs or electric chairs, but sometimes people just won't listen and so I have to use persuasion, and slides. My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or were they? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie in her pretty pink tutu. My birthday, I was 10 and do you know what they got me? Malibu Barbie. That's not what I wanted, that's not who I was. I was a ballerina. Graceful. Delicate. They had to go. My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants. "Sorry about dinner, Deb, the Pope has a cold." Husband number 2: the senator. He loved his state. He loved his country. Sorry Debbie. No Mercedes this year. We have to set an example." Oh yeah. Set this! My latest husband. My late, late husband Fester, and his adorable family. You took me in. You accepted me. But did any of you love me? I mean, really love me? So I killed. So I maimed. So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn and ache... and shop? Don't I deserve love... and jewelry? Good-bye everybody. Wish me luck.
Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot h'ors d'ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
Has the planet gone mad? My brother... passion's hostage. I seek justice! Denied. I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil!
I have seen horror!
I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!
They're at camp.
I have seen all this officer. But until today, I have never seen... YOU!
Hook him, book him, cook him. NOW!
I tried to make it look like an accident. I tried to give you some dignity. But oh no, not you.
What are you saying?
I'm saying I want you dead and I want your money.
But... but... don't you love me?
AH HA HA HA!
Is that a no?
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