Airport 1975

Alan Murdock:
Look baby I've only got half an hour. Can't we talk it out when you get to LA?

Nancy Pryor:
Don't miss your flight, Murdock. You wouldn't want to keep that boss of yours waiting.

Gloria Swanson:
...my life's a surprise, one surprise after another.

Mr. Kelly:
You look lovely Miss Swanson.

Gloria Swanson:
Thank you Mr Kelly, fancy getting gussied up like this to watch a load of Supreme Court judges chew.

Mrs. Devaney:
You're a tiny bit nervous aren't you?

Mrs. Devaney:
I know. I've flown thousands of miles under very difficult circumstances, I assure you, you have nothing to worried about.

Mrs. Devaney:
May I?

Barney:
Mrs Devaney? Mrs Devaney?

Mrs. Devaney:
Er, yes?

Barney:
Salt Lake City could be very good for you. It's dry there you know?

Mrs. Devaney:
DRY?

Captain Stacy:
I hear we expect a bumpy ride tonight.

Urias:
I used to know a stewardess who thought that was sexy.

Captain Stacy:
You're weird, you know that?

Mrs. Abbott:
Please, Janice. Remember what the doctor said - you must lie still, very still.

Janice Abbott:
I know, Mother, but it's so exciting! The people are so interesting!

Nancy Pryor:
Salt Lake... Salt Lake! This is Columbia 409! It's Nancy Pryor... stewardess. Something hit us! All the flight crew is dead or badly injured! There's no one left to fly the plane! Help us! Oh my God, help us!

Sister Ruth:
Who is she Sister Beatrice, do you recognise her?

Sister Beatrice:
I believe its one of those Hollywood persons.

Sister Ruth:
Oh, you mean an actress?

Sister Beatrice:
Or worse!

Winnie:
Oh, it's so beautiful!

Gloria Swanson:
Every morning is beautiful, you're just too young to know!

Gloria Swanson:
The mountains - we're so close!

Carol:
What is going to happen?

Nancy Pryor:
We're going to land the plane somehow.

Scott Freeman:
What's the weather like there?

Mrs. Scott Freeman:
Well the moon's out right now, but there are a few clouds around.

Gloria Swanson:
That's easy, Carole Lombard and Grace Moore, I was a rebel too.

Nancy Pryor:
Miss Swanson, would you like something from the bar?

Gloria Swanson:
No I have my own, tea.

Nancy Pryor:
Miss Griffith?

Winnie:
Yes a Martini please.

Gloria Swanson:
To hell with the jewelry, let's put my book in here!

Gloria Swanson:
Here you are my darlings! It's all yours. I didn't want the damn thing published when I was alive anyway.

Gloria Swanson:
Oh how bless I am, three children, seven grandchildren and all healthy thank God!

Gloria Swanson:
I guess everyone had given up hope including the Doctors. Nobody expected me to live, but then I've never done anything I was expected to do.

Gloria Swanson:
Do you know that my first trip to California took five days? So if we have to spend a weekend in Salt Lake, we're still ahead!

Bill:
I went out with a girl once who was half French and half Chinese. I came home late one night, she ate my laundry!

Scott Freeman:
Salt Lake what's the big delay?

Danton:
You are still number two following a 747.

Bette:
How do you get rid of this jet lag?

Nancy Pryor:
You just do. Why you still tired in the mornings?

Bette:
Uh-huh.

Nancy Pryor:
Give it a couple of months.

Bette:
Hey, do we have a sexy crew tonight?

Nancy Pryor:
I don't check anymore.

Bette:
in any case, it'll be a change from Ogallala, Kansas.

Nancy Pryor:
Isn't everything?

Julio:
There. You see why I love my job so much?

Gary:
Well they sure have all the right equipment.

Julio:
But it would be wrong that's for sure!

Nancy Pryor:
How are your kids and your wife, Julio?

Julio:
Watch out for that one Gary. She's got seniority.

Gary:
What about the teenager?

Bette:
It's Ms. Teenager please. I'm emancipated and highly skilled in Kung Fu.

Nancy Pryor:
Arlene, can you help Bette up here?

Arlene:
OK.

Mrs Devaney:
Miss?

Nancy Pryor:
You need something?

Mrs Devaney:
I feel a little queasy. The altitude I guess. I'll have a bourbon... with a beer chaser.

Barney:
Uh. Miss Devaney. Do you know what you just ordered? They call those boiler makers.

Mrs Devaney:
I know.

Nancy Pryor:
A bourbon with a beer chaser.

Joseph Patroni, Jr.:
Look Mom there's another airplane out there!

Mrs. Patroni:
Where?

Joseph Patroni, Jr.:
Right out there!

Mrs. Patroni:
Oh my god there is...

Joseph Patroni, Jr.:
It's an airforce jet.

Joseph Patroni, Jr.:
He's probably checking the damage. He's going to help us.

Mrs. Patroni:
He is.

Nancy Pryor:
The radio's dead. We're all alone now Bette.

Joe Patroni:
There she is. She's flying it! She's flying it herself!

Alan Murdock:
Climb baby, climb.

Passenger with dog:
When we get to Los Angeles your going to go see little Fifi. You going to give me a little kiss?

Passenger with dog:
Oh well that's good.

Arnie:
What do you do in Salt Lake City?

Bill:
I went there once. It was closed.

Air Force Sergeant:
It's just plain suicide sir!

Alan Murdock:
Get me out of here before I change my mind.

Major John Alexander:
Is there much damage?

Joe Patroni:
No, not much, theres just a hole where the pilots usually sit.

Gary:
Would you hold this please, I'll take care of Miss Swanson. Good Evening, right this way please.

Gloria Swanson:
Thank you.

Nancy Pryor:
Good Evening Miss Swanson.

Gloria Swanson:
Good Evening. I mean, good morning!

Gary:
Right here, Miss Swanson.

Gloria Swanson:
[In reference to her bomb proof case] Oh yes, put it under my feet. Thank you very much.

Gary:
It's a pleasure to have with us, Miss Swanson. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know.

Gloria Swanson:
I shall.

Sister Beatrice:
Never mind her Sister, put your ticket away.

Sister Ruth:
Yes Sister.

Mrs. Patroni:
Well, the first stewardess is at the controls, but she... she's in constant touch with the tower.

Barney:
You mean THE STEWARDESS IS FLYING THE PLANE?

Mrs. Patroni:
[whispering] Would you please keep your voice down.

Barney:
S-s-sure... [Barney becomes histerycal] The stewardess is flying the plane. The stewardess...

[Mrs Devaney hands Barney a large Whiskey]

Mrs Devaney:
Here...

Barney:
Thank you Mrs Devaney, but I don't drink.

Mrs Devaney:
[Looking confused] Well what difference does it make now?

Barney:
You're right. [Barney takes drink from Mrs Devaney and takes gulp of Whiskey] No difference.