Alvin and the Chipmunks

Alvin Seville:
That's it! I can't take this anymore. I can't! I give up! I am sick of struggling for survival, competing with gophers and earthworms and that loser sparrow who always takes my nuts. And I'm especially sick of this stupid, stupid tree!!

Alvin Seville:
Hey, Ian! Kiss my furry cheeks!

Simon Seville:
We've hit the mother load!

Theodore Seville:
[when the tree is about to be cut down] Guys! I think he made it angry!

David "Dave" Seville:
[his trademark yell] ALVIN!!!

David "Dave" Seville:
My life is being sabotaged by talking chipmunks.

Ian Hawke:
Welcome to Jett Records.

Ian Hawke:
¡Madre de Dios! NO!

Alvin:
That's it! I can't take this anymore. I can't! I give up! I'm sick of struggling for survival, competing with gophers and earthworms and that loser sparrow who always takes my nuts. And I'm especially sick of this stupid, stupid TREE!!

[buzzing noise]

Simon:
Whoa! what's happening?!

Theodore:
Guys! I think he made it angry!

Ian:
Your song sucks, Dave.

Dave:
What?

Ian:
Your song? It's awful. I hate it. Yeah, I mean, who's gonna sing it? Justin? Fergie? Not a chance. I need something new, I need something fresh.

Theodore:
Where are we?

Alvin:
Well, I think they remodeled our forest. I like it. Stylish, yet functional--

Theodore:
Uh, but where did the mountains go?

Simon:
Give me a break. We're in a building, Theodore.

[Dave puts basket with muffins and chipmunks inside in trash]

Alvin:
Gross! Is this his house?

Simon:
No. It's his garbage can.

Alvin:
Oh.

Simon:
We're getting off on the wrong foot. Allow us to introduce ourselves. Hello. I'm Simon. The smart one. He's Alvin.

Alvin:
The awesomest one.

Theodore:
And I'm Theodore.

Dave:
Oh, nice to meet you. Now get outta my house!

Theodore:
But... we talk.

Dave:
Which only makes me want you out of my house that much more. It's creepy. Unnatural. Somewhat evil.

Alvin:
I kinda liked him better when he was unconcious.

Dave:
Are you guys always like this?

Simon:
We're kids, Dave.

Dave:
Well, where are your parents?

Simon:
When you're a chipmunk, your parents take care of you for a week, then they take off.

Alvin:
Our parents were hippies. They left early to join a commune.

Dave:
Off to bed. Come on. We start work tomorrow. I want you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by 8:00.

Alvin:
My tail isn't bushy till 9:00.

Dave:
Not my problem. Now go to sleep.

Dave:
What was that?!

Simon:
Uh, nothing, just... a little stage fright? [whimpers]

Theodore:
I thought my heart was gonna explode!

Alvin:
We're not performing monkeys, Dave! Why do we have to sing for that guy anyway?

Dave:
Well, how's this? Pretend I need the money and I hate my job and you're staying at my place so you owe me.

Theodore:
We're sorry, Dave.

Dave:
Yeah, that helps. [sighs] Never mind, I'm late for work.

Theodore:
Ooh-ooh-ooh, Can we go with you?

Dave:
What? So that you can mess that up, too? Uh-uh. You're goin' home.

Simon:
[on phone to Dave] A little situation here, Dave. Theodore vacuumed up Alvin.

Theodore:
[calls down vacuum tube] Alvin!

Alvin:
[shouts from inside vacuum] Dave! Help!

Dave:
[on phone to Simon] What?!

Simon:
[on phone to Dave] Well, at least it wasn't the garbage disposal. [giggles nervously]

Theodore:
[calls down vacuum tube] Just stay calm! [gets sucked into vacuum] AAAH!

Simon:
[on phone to Dave] And there goes Theodore.

Dave:
[on seeing weird pellet] Oh, my God! Theodore, did you just...

Theodore:
Um, um...

Simon:
It's a raisin, Dave.

Dave:
Prove it.

Simon:
[surprised, puts it in mouth] Mmm-hmm.

Dave:
Okay, you got me. Look, I wanna talk to all of you guys. Where's Alvin? Alvin!

Simon:
[spits "raisin" out] BLEAH!! [to Theodore] You owe me big time!

Dave:
Alvin?!

Alvin:
[takes a shower in dishwasher; sings] Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me...

[Dave opens the dishwasher]

Alvin:
[screams] There's this new thing: It's called "knocking"!

Dave:
Get out!

Alvin:
Uh, I'm waiting for the rinse cycle.

Dave:
Out! [pulls Alvin out of the dishwasher]

Alvin:
Whoa, whoa! I'm takin' a shower, here!

Dave:
You know, if I made a list of my worst days ever, guess what? Today, we'd be at the top of the list!

Alvin:
And it's still early.

Dave:
Clam it, sudsy!

Alvin:
[trying to uncork a bottle] Stupid... cork... doesn't...

[cork comes loose and goes flying]

Alvin:
Whoa!

[cork smashes glass on china cabinet]

Claire:
Oh!

Alvin:
Yikes! [giggles nervously] Oops.

Dave:
Not gonna say it.

Alvin:
Uh-oh!

Simon:
Good grief.

[champagne pours all over the floor]

Claire:
Are you still not gonna say it?

Dave:
Nope!

[drink reaches power strip; electricity buzzes; smoke issues from power strip]

[the power goes out]

Dave:
I'm gonna say it. [yells] ALVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!

Alvin:
Okay!!!

Dave:
Squirrels can't talk!

Alvin:
Whoa, wap-ap-ap-oh. Watch it, genius. We're Chipmunks. Chip-Munks!

Dave:
Chipmunks can't talk either! [turns on lights]

Simon:
Well, our lips are moving and words are coming out.

Dave:
This isn't happening. [closes his eyes, talking to himself] I am not talking to chipmunks. I am not talking to chipmunks.

Alvin:
So, how's that working for you, Dave?

Dave:
Uh, h-how do you know my name?

Alvin:
I'll take that one. We read your mail. By accident.

Simon:
You really oughta pay that utility bill, Dave. You ever hear of a credit rating?

Theodore:
I had a nightmare. Can I sleep with you?