Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Officer Cole:
She's going in, sir.

Captain Toms:
Chase her down.

Henry:
No, don't do it. Don't do it!

Officer Cole:
You will not address the captain, boy.

Henry:
Sir, look at your charts. I believe you're sailing us into the Devil's Triangle.

Captain Toms:
You hear this, men? This landsman believes an old sailor's myth.

Henry:
Sir, with all due respect, I have spent my life studying the myths of the sea. I know every legend and every curse. And I know ships that sail into the Triangle do not necessarily sail out...

Maddox:
I'm sorry, sir. This one is clearly disturbed.

Captain Armando Salazar:
[to the only survivor of a ship he attacked] Jack Sparrow... [holds up a wanted poster of Jack Sparrow] Do you know this pirate?

Henry:
Only by name.

Captain Armando Salazar:
Find S-Sparrow for me and relay a message, from Capitán Salazar...Sal-A-Zar. Tell him: death will come straight for him. Will you say that to him, please?

Henry:
Yes.

Captain Armando Salazar:
I wish I could do it, but dead men tell no tales.

Astronomer:
Help! There's a witch in my shop! [Jack enters] And a pirate! There's a witch and a pirate in my shop!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Well, it's your lucky day! Have either of the four of you seen my bank?

Carina:
I'm not looking for trouble.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
What a horrible way to live.

[Jack's Crew]:
The pirate Barbossa rules these seas now. Has 10 ships, guns full. Not to mention his cannonballs. 18 pounds each they say.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
One-legged man with 18 pound balls? That's why he walks funny.

Carina:
The men on that ship are looking for Jack, so I'm going to swim for it. [she takes off her dress]

Henry:
Carina, stop that.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
No, no, don't stop that.

Henry:
This has gone far enough!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
No, it has not!

[She dives into the ocean and swims towards shore]

Henry:
I saw her ankles.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
You would've seen a lot more if you kept your cakehole shut.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Who are you?

Henry:
My name is Henry Turner. Son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Ewww. You're the evil spawn of them two.

[pause]

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Does mummy ever ask about me?

Henry:
No.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Oh, go on. She call my name in her sleep?

Henry:
She never spoke of you.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Are you sure we're talking about the same people? He's a cursed eunuch. She's golden-haired, stubborn, pouty lips, neck like a giraffe, and two of those wonderful...

Henry:
Yes! Yes, it's her.

Henry:
I found a way to save my father. There is one thing that can break his curse and free him from the Dutchman. The Trident of Poseidon.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Ah. The treasure to be found with The Map That No Man Can Read. Never heard of it.

Henry:
There is a girl inside this prison, Jack, who holds that map. The moon has turned to blood, the Trident will be found... [Jack falling asleep] and you could be the one who holds the sea... and with it become all that you once were. The great... Jack!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
I'm so sorry. Were you still talking? I believe I nodded off a bit.

Shansa:
The dead have taken command of the sea. They're searching for a girl, a Pearl, and a Sparrow.

Prosecutor:
How would you like to die pirate? Hanging, firing squad, or a new invention, the guillotine?

Captain Jack Sparrow:
[He is to be executed] Guillotine? Sounds French. I love the French! Did you know that they've invented the mayonnaise? How bad could it be? It's the French, eh? [sees what the guillotine actually is] Oh my bad! I change me mind! No, please have mercy for me! I'm a bed wetter! [dragged to base of guillotine] Oh, come on! I mean I have to walk upstairs for this as well for this?

Executioner:
Bring the basket!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Basket? Why?!

Executioner:
Strap him down!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Here's an idea, how about a good old-fashioned stoning? I'd kill to be stoned right now! Gets the crowd involved, doesn't it? I should like to speak with Victor in disembowelment! I should like to speak with Vic... [gets put in the guillotine and sees a basket full of heads] I'm not the one, who complain, normally, but this basket is full of heads!

Captain Hector Barbossa:
I have heard stores of a mighty Spanish captain who sunk and killed thousands of men...

Captain Armando Salazar:
No, no, no, no! Men, no! Pirates! (flashback of Salazar's past plays) Pirates had infected the seas for generations, taking the life of my father and his father before him. So I vowed to end this plague once and for all. And that's what I did. I destroyed dozens of ships.

Henry:
Why did I bother coming to you? The dead are hunting us down and you do nothing.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Nothing! You call this nothing?

Henry:
You're drunk! And you're sleeping.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
My point exactly! I am doing two things at once.

Carina:
My calculations are precise and true. I'm not just an astronomer. I'm also a horologist.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
No shame in that, dear. We all have to make a living.

Carina:
No, I'm a horologist.

Scrum:
So was my mum. Although she didn't crow about it quite as loud as you.

Pike:
We should have never followed a luckless pirate and a witch to sea.

Bollard:
Right, that's it. Kill 'em all.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Kill me and I'll be dead. And then the other dead won't be able to have their revenge… against me. Being dead.

Scrum:
What?

Henry:
Which will anger them even more. He's right.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
That's right.

Carina:
Are all pirates this stupid?

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Yes.

Scrum:
Yeah.

Bollard:
Yeah.

Henry:
[whispers into a jail cell] I need to speak with you.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
[attacks Henry from behind, holding him against the cell door] Hand me your sword.

Henry:
I don't have a sword.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
What kind of soldier has no weapon?

Henry:
I'm currently wanted for treason.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
So not the very good kind then?

Henry:
I'm looking for a pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow?

Captain Jack Sparrow:
[let's go of Henry] Well today's your lucky day. Because I just happen to be Captain Jack Sparrow.

Henry:
[in disbelief] No, it can't be. I've spent years searching for... this. The great Jack Sparrow is not some drunk in a cell. Do you even have a ship, a crew... pants?

Captain Jack Sparrow:
A great pirate does not require such intricacies.

Henry:
Do you know how long I've been waiting for this moment? The risks I've taken to be here? Are you sure you're the Jack Sparrow?

Captain Jack Sparrow:
The real question is, who are you?

[first lines, Henry has just been rescued by the Flying Dutchman after attempting to drown himself to gain his father's attention. He sees a shadowy figure approach]

Henry:
Father?

Will Turner:
Henry. What have you done?

Henry:
I said I'd find you.

Will Turner:
Look at me son.

[half of Will's face and body are covered in barnacles]

Henry:
I don't care.

Will Turner:
There's no place for you on the Dutchman. [the Dutchman's crew can be heard in the background] They know you're here. Get home to your mother.

Henry:
No!

Will Turner:
Leave now. Before it's too late.

Henry:
I won't. I'll never stop. And if you throw me over, I'll come straight back.

Will Turner:
Don't you see I'm cursed to this ship?

Henry:
That's why I'm here. I think I know a way to break your curse. To free you from the Dutchman.

Will Turner:
Henry, no.

Henry:
I've read about a treasure. A treasure that holds all the power of the sea. The Trident of Poseidon can break your curse.

Will Turner:
[kneels down to hug Henry] Henry, the trident can never be found.

Henry:
I found you.

Henry Turner:
It's just a tale.

Henry:
Like the tales of you and Captain Jack Sparrow? He will help me find the trident.

Will Turner:
[Angry retort] You stay away from Jack! Leave the sea forever. You have to stop acting like a...

Henry:
A pirate? I won't stop. I want you to come home.

Will Turner:
[the Dutchman starts sinking back into the sea] Henry. I'm sorry. My curse will never be broken. [takes off his necklace] This is my fate. [places the necklace in Henry's hands] You must let me go. [reaches out to gently touch Henry's face] I love you, son.

[the Dutchman sinks fully into the sea, forcing Henry to swim to the surface and reboard his rowboat]

Henry:
[while lying inside his rowboat] Captain Jack Sparrow.

Gibbs:
Face it, Jack, bad luck dogs you day and night.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
That is a blatant fabrication!

[Bird poop lands on Jack's shoulder]

[Barbossa has just found out that Carina Smyth is his daughter]

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Smyth. Smyth is quite an unusual name. Did we not once know someone called Smyth?

Captain Hector Barbossa:
Shut your trap.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
What was her name? It's right on the tip of me tongue.

[Barbossa draws his sword at Jack]

Captain Hector Barbossa:
Do you want to lose that tongue?

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Margaret Smyth. [Chuckles] Aye. Should we make an accord, then? Or shall I tell you-know-who what we both know to be true?

Captain Hector Barbossa:
We both take this secret to our graves.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
You mean it is true? I was bluffing.

Captain Hector Barbossa:
I'm not!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
You kill me, you got nothing to bargain the dead with. So you need me. [Barbossa puts down his sword] I'll have to be frank, Hector. You are very, very ugly. [Barbossa glares at Jack] So how could you produce a fetching creature such as that?

Captain Hector Barbossa:
Margaret died. I summoned as much honor as a worthless blaggard ever could. I placed the infant in an orphanage, never to see her again. I thought the ruby might afford her some ease in life, but I never imagined she'd take those scribblings and make a life of her own, a life that's led her back to me.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
I'd say this puts me in a rather favorable position, Daddy.

Captain Hector Barbossa:
You tell me what you want.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
I want me compass, 216 barrels of rum...and the monkey.

Captain Hector Barbossa:
[Confused] You want Jack??

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Dinner. I want to eat him, I want to eat that monkey...

[Jack the monkey puts something in Jack's mouth to stop him talking]

Captain Hector Barbossa:
No deal, Jack. A clever young woman such as that would never believe that a swine like me could ever be her blood. And the Trident will be mine.

Carina:
[watches the tattoo on Barbossa's arm] Who am I to you?

Captain Hector Barbossa:
Treasure.

Scrum:
[After seeing that the bank vault Jack's crew have stolen is empty] It's empty! [the crew groan] Where's the dosh?!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Do you think that robbing a bank is easy? You gaggle of gutless heels of the womb's guilty of putting me in this dreadful pickle in the first place! Now line up and offer me your tribute.

Marty:
[He and the other crew members scoff in outrage] You want us to pay YOU?!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Am I not the captain of this ship?

Cremble:
You call THIS a ship?

Bollard:
Where's the treasure?

Pike:
All of us are starving!

Bollard:
We will no longer follow a captain without a ship.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
I HAVE a ship! [Reveals the Black Pearl in a bottle] Black Pearl's never left me side.

Pike:
The pirate Barbossa rules these seas now. Has ten ships, guns full.

Cremble:
Not to mention his cannonballs; 18 pounds each, they say.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
One-legged man with 18 pound balls? That's why he walks funny. [The crew sigh in disappointment] Oh, come, come, mates! Did we not find the treasure of Macedonia together?

Cremble:
It was a troll of rotten wood!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Gold of King Midas!

Scrum:
Pile of donkey dung!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
[Grunts in frustration]

Gibbs:
Face it, Jack, bad luck dogs you day and night.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
That is a blatant fabrication! [Bird poop lands on Jack's shoulder]

Cremble:
You've lost your luck.

Bollard:
You've lost your ship.

Marty:
And now, you've lost your crew.

Pike:
Jack Sparrow is no longer our captain! [The crew leaves the Dying Gull as Gibbs approach Jack]

Gibbs:
[Sympathetic] I'm sorry, Jack, but we've reached the end of the horizon. [Pats Jack's shoulder and then follows the crew, leaving Jack stunned and heartbroken]

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Right then! [Yelling] YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED!!! EH?! ALL OF YOU, DISMISSED!!! YOU'LL NEVER SAIL WITH CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AGAIN, TELL YOU THAT!!!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
Pirate's life.

Captain Jack Sparrow:
[Seeing Jack the Monkey] Aah! Monkey!

Captain Jack Sparrow:
I once knew a Spaniard named, something in Spanish....

Captain Armando Salazar:
Find Sparrow for me.

Captain Armando Salazar:
(To Jack) You will soon pay for what you did to me.

Captain Armando Salazar:
This is not over!

Captain Armando Salazar:
(to Jack) I will be waiting for you.