Project X

Mom:
I'm just worried.

Dad:
About what?

Mom:
I don't know. Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.

Dad:
Oh please. Come on honey, he's 17 years old.

Mom:
That's what I'm worried about.

Dad:
Let's be realistic here. This is Thomas we're talking about. He's not exactly Mr. Popular.

Mom:
What is that supposed to mean?

Dad:
I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid, you know. He's got a couple friends, they're gonna hang out, but they're not gonna do anything. He's a sweet kid, but he's a loser.

Thomas:
My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets f***ed up! You know what I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick, I'm getting them out of the house.

Costa:
Dude come on.

[Thomas stands on a chair]

Costa:
Dude what the f*** are you doing? Thomas! Please don't embarrass me like this!

Thomas:
Hey listen up!

Alexis:
Yeah, Thomas! Woow!

[Crowd cheers]

Kirby:
[Filming Thomas] So Thomas, are you having fun?

Thomas:
No.

Kirby:
Not at all?

Thomas:
Yes.

Kirby:
You look pretty f***ed up.

Thomas:
I'm, I'm, I'm a little f***ed up.

Kirby:
But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all?

Thomas:
[smiling at her] I'm pretty lucky right now.

Kirby:
Slow down dude.

Thomas:
[Looking at a picture from when they were younger] Oh my god. What was wrong with me? Wow, this was before Costa.

Kirby:
Yeah, the good old days.

Thomas:
Yeah, back when you were still in the crew.

[He holds the picture next to her face]

Thomas:
You used to be so cute, what happened?

Kirby:
Shut the f*** up. It still looks like me.

Thomas:
[He kisses her] Was that weird? I'm sorry. Sh*t that was weird wasn't it?

Kirby:
No, it was...

Thomas:
F***.

[They make out]

Costa:
[All three are sprawled on the front lawn, high on ecstacy] I love you guys. No seriously. Look I realize I can be like a huge dick sometimes, I'm really sorry for that.

Thomas:
It's okay.

Costa:
No it's not. JB, I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.

J.B.:
Wasn't cool man.

Costa:
And I'm sorry for all the times I called you "fat f***." "Pudgy b*tch." "Fudgy the whale." And I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell because you don't.

J.B.:
I don't.

Thomas:
Hey guys? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm like, really into her.

Costa:
Okay seriously Thomas, that's like cool and all, but she's like always been around. It's like hooking up with J.B., but her tits are smaller.

J.B.:
Hey.

Costa:
I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like, one of us. Tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.

Rob:
[knocking on the door] Hey, Thomas. Look man I don't want to be a dick here or anything, but your friend Oliver came by earlier and told me you guys were having a little party but this is too much.

Thomas:
Yeah. We actually should be winding down like midnight, maybe 1. Is that okay?

Rob:
No, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep and Melinda's gotta be up early for work.

Costa:
[walks up] F*** yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Good to see you, brother.

Rob:
Whoa, yeah. Actually I'm not raging, but I'm just telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.

Costa:
You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the f***?

Rob:
I am serious because it's 11:30 at night and it's time to wrap it up.

J.B.:
Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back and lower the volume a bit.

Rob:
Guys, this isn't a request! The party's over.

Costa:
I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree then, aren't we?

Rob:
Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Fine, f*** it! I'm calling the f***ing cops.

[gets a taser shot by Everett]

Costa:
F***! Oh sh*t!

J.B.:
Jesus f***ing Christ! What did you do that for?

Costa:
[Rob punches Everett in the face] Are you f***ing kidding me? I will f***ing kill you!

Rob:
The little f*** tazed me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!

Costa:
You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on your ass now!

Rob:
Do it, genius! It's all on tape. I just saw this mother f***er record it right here.

Dax:
No, all I got was you punching that little child's face.

Rob:
F*** you!

Costa:
Go home, Robert!

Thomas:
[on the roof, looking at the party below] Is this big enough to be cool?

Costa:
Game changer. [The crowd below is chanting Thomas' name] Are you hearing this? This is your f***ing Party man!

Thomas:
You're right dude. I needed this.

Rob:
[as the riot police close in] Hey Oliver! Great party buddy. [points to a flaming tree in his front yard] You owe me a f***ing tree, you piece of sh*t!

Costa:
All we were trying to do was have a good time, you cocksucking motherf***er! This is your fault!

Dad:
I just didn't think you had it in you.

Thomas:
I know. Sorry I let you down.

Dad:
No, I literally didn't think you had this in you. So uh, how many people were here?

Thomas:
Uh, 15 hundred. Couple thousand maybe.

Dad:
Wow.

Thomas:
You should have seen it. It was awesome.

Dad:
Well, you're still f***ed Thomas.

Thomas:
Kirby I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it. But I think I do now and that's why I'm here. My life right now, it's totally ruined, okay. I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. Probably bankrupted my parents. I'll be in debt until I die. But, the only thing I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. You're still mad. I get it. But if you are talking to me about my next birthday, I'd really like to spend it with just you.

Kirby:
You're...

[She kisses him]

Thomas:
So we're cool again?

Kirby:
I never said you were cool.

[They hug. Thomas motions for Dax to stop filming]

Rob:
[as the riot police close in] Hey Oliver! Great party buddy. [points to a flaming tree in his front yard] You owe me a f***ing tree, you piece of sh*t!

Costa:
All we were trying to do was have a good time, you cocksucking motherf***er! This is your fault!

Rob:
I'll kill you, you f***ing punk! You know where you're going? You're going to jail you motherf***er! You're gonna-OW!

(Everett and Tyler run up to Rob and tackle him to the ground)

Costa:
Yeah! That's my boys! Suck my dick, Robert! Suck my f***ing dick!

Costa:
[on video] What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday, [grabs crotch] and this is Project X, yo.

Costa:
[about the "Naked Girls Only" sign by the pool] The next time your pool guy comes by for a clean, he's gonna say, "Excuse me Mr. Kub, but I think I may have found some water in your semen."

Costa:
[after the car is driven into the pool] Wow. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this sh*t. I'm sorry Thomas. I just wanted to get some p*ssy.