Ralph Breaks the Internet

[In Game Central Station, a new plug is inserted, and the sign above reads “WIFI”.]

Wreck-It Ralph:
“Whiffy”? Or “Wifey”? Well, it’s either whiffleball or an arranged marriage game.

Sonic the Hedgehog:
It’s actually pronounced “Wi-Fi”, Ralph.

Ralph:
Yeah, that’s what I said.

Sonic:
And Wi-Fi is the Internet, which is an online community where human beings go to shop and play games and socialize.

Vanellope von Schweetz:
Ooh, fun!

[Immediately, Surge Protector appears.]

Surge Protector:
No, it is not! That sign right there says “WIFI”, but what it should say is “DIE-FI”. [chuckles, but no one responds.] That’s a little humor there, but seriously, the Internet is nothing to laugh at. [as he speaks, Surge Protector begins putting police tape around the entrance.] It is new, it is different, and therefore we should fear it. So keep out, for Pete’s sake, and get to work. The arcade’s about to open!

Vanellope:
Whoa, whoa, ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too!

Anna:
Wait. What?

Vanellope:
Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the, uh... Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]

Pocahontas:
Well, what kind of a Princess are you?

Vanellope:
What kind?

Rapunzel:
Do you have magic hair?

Vanellope:
No.

Elsa:
Magic hands?

Vanellope:
No.

Cinderella:
Do animals talk to you?

Vanellope:
No.

Snow White:
Were you poisoned?

Vanellope:
No.

Tiana and Aurora:
Cursed?

Vanellope:
No.

Rapunzel and Belle:
(excitedly) Kidnapped or enslaved?

Vanellope:
No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?

Ariel:
Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?

Vanellope:
No! Good Lord, who would do that?!

Snow White:
Have you ever had (singsongy) True Love's Kiss?

Vanellope:
Eww! Barf!

Jasmine:
Do you have daddy issues?

Vanellope:
I don't even have a mom!

Snow White, Cinderella, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Anna and Elsa:
[happily while posing] Neither do we!

Rapunzel:
And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?

Vanellope:
Yes! What is up with that?

All Disney Princesses:
She is a Princess!

Snow White:
(sings a few notes in delight)

Cinderella:
[looking at Vanellope's clothes along with Ariel] Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.

Vanellope:
Oh, this old thing?

Cinderella:
Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.

Aurora:
As would I.

Moana:
Me, too!

Elsa:
So cool!

Rapunzel:
Best gown ever!

Ariel:
I want one too, you guys!

Cinderella:
I'll get my mice on this. [The Disney Castle appears in a Batman-style scene change; all the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.

Rapunzel:
Yay Vanellope!

Ariel:
[looks at her shirt] Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [Starts singing her signature song as a spotlight shines on her and music plays] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...

Vanellope:
[Stopping her] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?

Jasmine:
Uh, she's singing.

Vanellope:
Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... wait, you all saw it, too, right?

Tiana:
That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.

Vanellope:
Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.

Rapunzel:
Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.

Vanellope:
Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [Clears her throat and starts singing in an O Tannenbaum-like tune, albeit not so well] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. Doo-doo-doo, boop-wowp.

Belle:
Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of, that's a metaphor?

Vanellope:
Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just...I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.

Mulan:
Maybe a little. But sometimes, your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.

Pocahontas:
What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.

Vanellope:
What?

Snow White:
Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.

Moana:
I stare at the ocean.

Mulan:
Horse trough.

Cinderella:
Soap bubbles.

Vanellope:
Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...

Ariel:
Ah. Important water.

Vanellope:
Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?

Rapunzel:
For sure.

Other Princesses:
Mm-hm.

Vanellope:
Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.

[A knock is here and C-3PO from Star Wars suddenly comes in]

C-3PO:
Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quiz starts in five minutes.

[He leaves as the Princesses groan with disappointment]

Ariel:
Okay, thank you.

Tiana:
Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.

Aurora:
It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.

Belle:
And best of luck finding your song.

Merida:
Ach! Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye! Haste ye back, me lassie!

Vanellope:
Uh-huh... What did she just say?

Tiana:
We don't know.

Moana:
We can't understand her.

Anna:
She's from the other studio.

Vanellope:
Ah.

Vanellope - suck my toes and call me uncle bill

[first lines]

Ralph:
Okay, my turn, my turn! Um, I got one.

Vanellope:
Great, but can you make it a little more challenging this time?

Ralph:
Okay, check this out. I spy with my little eye something yellow and round, and it eats dots.

Vanellope:
Seriously, Ralph?

Ralph:
Yeah, seriously. You're never gonna get it.

Vanellope:
Well, obviously it's Pac-Man!

Ralph:
No! That's not - why is that obvious?

Vanellope:
Name one other thing in this whole arcade that is yellow and round and eats dots.

Ralph:
I can name two things: Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac-Man. Boom! I accept your apology.

Vanellope:
Yeah, you're right. Okay, but was it Pac-Man?

Ralph:
Yeah, you got me.

Ralph:
[as he enters Game Central Station] Sugar Rush is getting unplugged!

[Vanellope glitches into the dressing room of the Disney Princesses]

Vanellope:
Uh, hi.

[the princesses surround her on all sides]

Vanellope:
Whoa! Whoa! Ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too.

Anna:
Wait. What?

Vanellope:
Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]

Pocahontas:
What kind of a princess are you?

Vanellope:
What kind?

Rapunzel:
Do you have magic hair?

Vanellope:
No.

Elsa:
Magic hands?

Vanellope:
No.

Cinderella:
Do animals talk to you?

Vanellope:
No.

Snow White:
Were you poisoned?

Vanellope:
No!

Tiana and Aurora:
Cursed?

Vanellope:
No!

Rapunzel and Belle:
Kidnapped or enslaved?

Vanellope:
No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?

Ariel:
Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?

Vanellope:
No! Good Lord! Who would do that?!

Snow White:
Have you ever had true love's kiss?

Vanellope:
Eww! Barf!

Jasmine:
Do you have daddy issues?

Vanellope:
I don't even have a mom!

Numerous princesses:
Neither do we!

Rapunzel:
And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?

Vanellope:
Yes! What is up with that?

All princesses:
She is a Princess!

[Snow White vocalizes]

Cinderella:
[eyes Vanellope's clothing] Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.

Vanellope:
Oh, this old thing?

Cinderella:
Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.

Aurora:
As would I.

Moana:
Me, too!

Elsa:
So cool!

Rapunzel:
Best outfit ever!

Ariel:
I want one too, you guys!

Cinderella:
I'll get my mice on this.

[the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.]

Cinderella:
[sighs] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.

[the other princesses cheer]

Ariel:
Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [sings] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...

Vanellope:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?

Jasmine:
Uh, she's singing.

Vanellope:
Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?

Tiana:
That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.

Vanellope:
Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.

Rapunzel:
Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.

Vanellope:
Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [clears throat; sings] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. [scats]

Belle:
Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?

Vanellope:
Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.

Mulan:
Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.

Pocahontas:
What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.

Vanellope:
What?

Snow White:
Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.

Moana:
I stare at the ocean.

Mulan:
Horse trough.

Cinderella:
Soap bubbles.

Vanellope:
Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...

Ariel:
Important water.

Vanellope:
Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?

Rapunzel:
For sure.

Tiana:
Mm-hmm.

Vanellope:
Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.

[C-3PO enters]

C-3PO:
Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quizlet starts in five minutes.

[he leaves]

Jasmine:
Okay, thank you.

Tiana:
Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.

Aurora:
It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.

Belle:
And best of luck finding your song.

Merida:
Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!

Vanellope:
Uh-huh. What did she just say?

Tiana:
We don't know.

Moana:
We can't understand her.

Anna:
She's from the other studio.

Vanellope:
Ah.

Vanellope:
Ralph look, I think you fixed your insecurity.

Ralph:
Yeah I did. [as Virus Ralph disappears] Woohoo! [he starts to fall]

Vanellope:
NO!

J.P. Spamley:
[comes to the rescue] Pocket right here, Ralph! Your old friend J.P. Spamley's got you!

Ralph:
[surprised] Woohoo! [goes right through it and still falls, knocked out silly]

J.P. Spamley:
[surprised] Wow, that didn't work. [as Ralph was about to fall to his immediate death the princesses see him falling]

Rapunzel:
[gasps] Look up there! It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing! [Moana uses her oar to let out the ocean, Ariel uses it to make a loop-de-loop, and lands on Jasmine's Magic Carpet, and Elsa freezes it into a slide for Ralph. Meanwhile, the other princesses are making their dresses to get Ralph to safety and then he approaches it using the other dresses as parachutes and Ariel sings a few notes to get Pocahontas's attention and she blows him to the place where Aurora got cursed to slumber and Tiana approaches Ralph and uses Naveen to kiss and wake him up from his slumber]

Ralph:
Ah, thanks, Frogger. [notices that the princesses have saved Ralph from falling to his death] Wait a minute, who are all of you?

Jasmine:
We're friends of Vanellope's.

Elsa:
Yeah. And any friend of Vanellope's is a friend of ours.

Moana:
You're welcome.

Vanellope:
[offscreen] Ralph!

Yesss:
[laughs] Looking good, big fella!

Ralph:
Hey y'all! [extends his hand that the dress starts to rip as the princesses saw it and laugh] This dress is not made for a big boy. [laughs] It's going right back the alley there. Let me just make a little ajustment. [ajusts the dress and shows his fat belly] There we go. [princesses laugh]

Felix:
[Approaches to Ralph, sitting peacefully in the bench while watching the sunrise] Hey. You doing okay there Ralph?

Ralph:
Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great. [as the arcade characters reporting to their games] Come on, Felix. Let's get to work, Buddy. [as the two heads off to Fix-It Felix Jr., we zoom back into the plug of the Linkster Wi-Fi router, then we fade to the interior of the arcade section of Litwak's Family Fun Center, we fade to the doors outside, and finally the parking lot in which Del Litwak's car arrives for work, before cutting to the main title]

[after the server has gone restarting, Ralph crashes out through metal door, carrying an unconscioused Vanellope]

Ralph:
Come on, Vanellope. Wake up. Don't leave me kid.

Vanellope:
[wakes up] Ralph?

Ralph:
Oh, there you are. Are you okay, kid?

Vanellope:
[starts to sob] Ralph, I messed up so bad.

Ralph:
No, no, you didn't, it's okay.

Vanellope:
This is all because of me and my glitch. I should’ve just stayed with you instead of following some stupid dream. I’ve ruined everything. [hugs Ralph]

Ralph:
No, kid, no. Uh, look. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. It... It... It was not supposed to be this bad.

Vanellope:
You didn’t mean for what to happen?

Ralph:
I might’ve, kind of, sort of put a harmless little virus in the game.

Vanellope:
A virus? You... You did this?

Ralph:
[neurotically] Well, I wouldn’t have done anything if... [angrily] ...I hadn’t heard you tell Shank that you wanted to live in Slaughter Race forever.

Vanellope:
[gasps] So, you were spying on me?

Ralph:
[angry] Hey! You’re not exactly innocent here! You were going to ditch everybody and abandon Sugar Rush!

Vanellope:
[angry] Oh, please. I’m one of sixteen racers. They’d never miss me.

Ralph:
What about me?!

Vanellope:
[angry] Why would I ever spend another [starts screaming] SECOND WITH YOU AFTER WHAT YOU DID?!?! [yanks off the "You're My Hero" he had around his neck and throws it away into the abyss]

Ralph:
[as he tries to catch it] No! [looks down at the abyss, then back at Vanellope who is now leaving] No. Vanellope, where are you going?

Vanellope:
Wherever you're not.

Ralph:
Wait a minute. I can explain...

Vanellope:
[angrily turns to ralph] NO!! You will not follow me!

Ralph:
Vanellope, please...

Vanellope:
A friend would never do what you did. Never! So you leave me alone! [storms off]

Ralph:
Vanellope, no, no, no! Please! Please! What did I do?

[Arthur emerges from the rebooting Slaughter Race]

Arthur:
[spots Ralph, who is begging his friend to come back] Scanning for insecurities.

Ralph:
Aw, come on, Vanellope! No! Don't leave me! No, no!

Arthur:
Insecurity detected. Copying insecurity.

Ralph:
No, no, no!

Arthur:
Distributing insecurity. [starts to shoot off bunches of Virus Ralph]