Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday

Weekend Update Anchor:
According to a new report, at least one in four land species on Earth face extinction in the near future. Oh, man, I hope that list includes armadillos 'cause, yo! I be hatin' armadillos!

Weekend Update Anchor:
You've always been hatin' armadillos.

Weekend Update Anchor:
Always!

Weekend Update Anchor:
Barack Obama has begun running campaign ads within video games, such as "Madden NFL '09" and "Burnout". Not to be outdone, John McCain has begun putting ads inside MRI machines.

George W. Bush:
George Bush always finds his man, save for one huge exception.

Weekend Update Anchor:
In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Whitney Houston called her ex husband Bobby Brown 'her drug'. Also Whitney Houston's drug: drugs.

Weekend Update Anchor:
The creators of the Body World exhibitions are planning a new dedicated solely to dead bodies having sex. It's called 'Marriage'. [audience laughs, then groans, making Seth chuckle]

Weekend Update Anchor:
A man in New Mexico this week won the 2009 world burrito eating championship by eating thirtythree and a half burritos in ten minutes. When reached for comment, the man said: somebody's in here!

Weekend Update Anchor:
It was reported that a spectacular light show that many stargazers enjoyed last week was created when the spaceshuttle Discovery emptied their urine tanks. Haha! Serves you right for looking into space, nerds!

Joy Behar:
You know who I have consensual sex with? The corner of my washing machine. [pulls at he sweater while audience laughs] Sorry about that, it's true. So what, who cares?

Seth Myers:
Britney Spears this week debuted her new single called 'Three' which is about a menage a trois. Even more disturbing: the B-side contains a song called 'Twelve'.