Spider-Man: Friend or Foe

Spider-Man:
Ok, we're going to Egypt next.

Rhino:
Oh... what's an Egypt?

Nick Fury:
[after Lizard had helped out Spider-Man] Oh, that lizard guy, he's hired.

[Spider-Man falls to the floor after being hit by Sandman and finds Sandman, Doctor Octopus, Green Goblin and Venom standing before him]

Sandman:
Got any clever little quips for me, web-head?

[New Goblin hovers above Spider-Man on his glider]

New Goblin:
Sandman, you're a walking pile of kitty litter. Making fun of you would be too easy.

New Goblin:
Spidey, hitch a ride!

[Spider-Man fires a web at New Goblin's glider as he flies by and he swings away with New Goblin away from his gathered villains]

New Goblin:
Looked like you could use a hand!

Spider-Man:
What I could use is a *bazooka!*

[after being surrounded by Phantoms, a spotlight shines down on Spider-Man from the S.H.I.E.L.D. ship above him]

Spider-Man:
If this day gets any weirder, I may have to scream.

[the spotlight starts to lift Spider-Man up into the sky]

Spider-Man:
Yep. That'll do it.

[Spider-Man screams as he's pulled into the S.H.I.E.L.D. ship]

[Spider-Man stands before a defeated Doctor Octopus]

Doctor Octopus:
You don't want to fight?

Spider-Man:
Doc, you were wreaking havoc until I broke the amulet controlling your mind.

Doctor Octopus:
Someone took control of my mind?

[Doctor Octopus is lifted up by his tentacles and stands before Spider-Man]

Doctor Octopus:
*Unacceptable!*

Spider-Man:
Wanna help me find out who it was?

Doctor Octopus:
I most certainly *would!*

[Doctor Octopus rubs his chin]

Doctor Octopus:
Say. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I'd been *punched!*

Spider-Man:
Oh, really? Weird.

[Spider-Man is teleported into the SHIELD Helicarrier and he looks around the room for a moment]

Spider-Man:
Hello?

[Nick Fury approaches Spider-Man]

Nick Fury:
Nick Fury, director of SHIELD.

[Spider-Man and Nick Fury briefly shake hands]

Spider-Man:
The anti-terrorist organization?

Nick Fury:
That's just one part of our initiative. The rest is top secret.

Spider-Man:
You're top secret and your headquarters is a giant, flying aircraft carrier?

Nick Fury:
You'd be surprised how rarely anybody looks up.

[Nick Fury walks off and over to the Computer and Spider-Man walks after him]

Spider-Man:
You know, I'm happy to be alive and all, but how did I get here?

Nick Fury:
Short range teleporter pulled you out of the fray. Somebody wake the Computer up. It's time to get to work.

[the Computer is activated and the computer screen turns on]

Computer:
Mission briefing software online. Welcome, Colonel Fury. Welcome, Spider-Man.

Spider-Man:
Uh... Hi? Should I talk to the computer?

Nick Fury:
Only if you want to irritate me.

Computer:
I appreciate the attention.

Nick Fury:
Computer, load up the meteor situation report.

[an image appears on the screen of a meteor storm in outer space and they pass by Earth]

Nick Fury:
A while back, a meteor storm passed through our corner of the galaxy.

Computer:
Trajectory Alpha seven three.

[one meteor rock heads down to Earth]

Nick Fury:
Now most of those space rocks went racing right on by Earth. But one crashed down.

[the screen shows an image of the meteor crash-landing in New York]

Computer:
Tracking impact locale.

Nick Fury:
Right in the middle of Manhattan.

Computer:
Impact location. Forty degrees, forty seven minutes north; seventy three degrees, fifty eight minutes west.

Nick Fury:
Two guesses what hitched a ride on that meteor.

Spider-Man:
Venom.

[an image of Venom appears on the screen]

Computer:
Venom: symbiotic lifeform of unknown alien origin.

Nick Fury:
But that's not the worst part.

Spider-Man:
It gets worse than Venom?

Computer:
Worse is a relative term. Venom is only a rating seven of ten on a scale of terrible ways to die.

Nick Fury:
See, that meteor shower he was a part of...

[Nick Fury is interrupted as an image appears on the screen of a wasp with a rocket launcher strapped to its back]

Computer:
As a means of comparison, some selections from level eight include wasps with laser-guided...

Nick Fury:
Computer, put a sock in it!

Nick Fury:
As I was saying, that meteor shower that Venom was part of...

[the screen shows an image of a meteor heading to Earth]

Nick Fury:
One of the meteors went into low Earth orbit and bounced across the atmosphere like a stone on water. But as it went, it broke apart into smaller shards.

[an image appears of the world and of the five meteor shards' landing sites]

Computer:
Meteor shard landing sites. Tokyo, Japan. Tangaroa Island. Cairo, Egypt. Stokerstov, Transylvania. And Alberna, Nepal.

Nick Fury:
We've tracked the various pieces to their landing sites, but before we could move in to collect them, these nasty pieces of work started showing up.

[an image of a PHANTOM monster appears on the screen]

Computer:
Perpetual Holographic Avatar Nano Tech Offensive Monster, or PHANTOM.

Spider-Man:
You guys have a department just for acronyms, don't you?

Nick Fury:
PHANTOMS aren't biological. They're a mix of solid light holographic technology and the symbiote substance found in the meteors.

Spider-Man:
Somebody's making monsters that use the symbiote goo? That's just great!

Nick Fury:
We're clearly dealing with someone of advanced technological means creating these things and they obviously have their hands on one shard already. So *we* need to get to the other shards before they can. Which is why I need your help, Spider-Man.

[an image appears of Spider-Man standing before Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus and Venom]

Nick Fury:
You've faced enough super-powered threats in your day. You're the perfect guy for the job.

Spider-Man:
Oh, man. I have to say, I was really looking forward to maybe taking a few days off.

Nick Fury:
We've got a saying around here.

[an image of Nick Fury appears on the screen, pointing forward with several SHIELD soldiers standing side by side behind him]

Nick Fury:
Saving the world is a full-time job.

Spider-Man:
I get it. Great power, great responsibility... Okay, I'm in. Where do I start?

[the Computer screen goes blank]

Nick Fury:
Computer, show us what we've got on Japan.

[a map of Japan appears on the computer screen]

Computer:
In 1603, the Tangogawa shogun instituted a long period of iso...

Nick Fury:
Computer, a bit more *recent* history, please.

[an image of a robotic, Godzilla-sized Sumo wrestler appears in a Japanese city and destroys buildings as it breathes fire at it]

Nick Fury:
I have access to your "off" switch, Computer.

Computer:
Of course you do.

[a map appears of Japan and shows an image of the meteor shard's crash landing in Tokyo]

Computer:
Impact point. Thirty five degrees, forty-one minutes north. One hundred and thirty nine degrees, forty six minutes east.

Nick Fury:
Spider-Man, we tracked the first meteor, but it was retrieved and taken somewhere in Tokyo. Complicating matters are sightings of a couple of old friends of yours.

[an image of Green Goblin appears on the computer screen]

Computer:
Threat identity: Green Goblin. Green Goblin is equipped with an arsenal of razor bats and pumpkin bombs. Warning: Approach with caution.

Spider-Man:
Well, there's the understatement of the year.

[an image of Doctor Octopus appears on the computer screen]

Computer:
Threat identity: Doc Ock. Doc Ock is a genius of technological science. Warning: May be dangerous.

Spider-Man:
No, wait. *There's* the understatement of the year.

Computer:
Warning. Additional scans of local media, police vans and screaming in streets indicates high concentration of PHANTOM activity. PHANTOMS present have estimated symbiote index of five percent of maximum.

Spider-Man:
Well, sounds like I should go down there.

Nick Fury:
Hold up. There's one more bit of information. There's an operative in the area. Cat burglar by trade, but she sports a heart of gold.

[an image of Black Cat appears on the computer screen]

Computer:
Agent identity: Black Cat. Wielding a grappling hook as a weapon, she is a dangerous and agile combatant.

Nick Fury:
She might be willing to lend a hand if you bump into her.

Spider-Man:
So, to review: Crazy hologram monsters, crazy bad guys, lost meteor shard and incredibly attractive cat burglar.

Nick Fury:
That's it in a nut shell. Good luck down there.

[the computer screen goes blank]

[as Black Cat tries to open a locked door, Spider-Man appears behind Black Cat and dangles upside down holding a web rope]

Black Cat:
You think you're pretty sneaky, don't you?

[Black Cat turns around and is face to face with Spider-Man]

Spider-Man:
I was, uh... eh... Oh, boy.

[Spider-Man releases his web, drops to the floor and stands before Black Cat]

Spider-Man:
I'm looking for a crazy guy with big metal arms. Have you seen him?

Black Cat:
Yeah, he's inside this building.

[Black Cat leans back against the locked door with a smile]

Black Cat:
How bad do you want in?

[Spider-Man scratches his head]

Spider-Man:
Oh, uh... well... Pretty bad.

Black Cat:
Then I wanna go *with.*

Spider-Man:
*That*... could be *arranged.*

[Doctor Octopus has a mind-control amulet on his chest and he walks with his tentacles to his machine containing his self-sustaining energy sun]

Doctor Octopus:
Yes, yes, this will do nicely. The PHANTOMS should see their power increase *tenfold.*

[Spider-Man is sticking to the side wall and looks down at Doctor Octopus]

Spider-Man:
Thousands of miles from home and who do I bump into, but my favorite metal-armed maniac!

[Doctor Octopus turns around and notices Spider-Man clinging to the wall]

Doctor Octopus:
*Spider-Man!*

[Spider-Man leaps off the wall and at Doctor Octopus, but he is struck in the ribs by Doc Ock, sent slamming back-first against the wall and falls to the floor]

Spider-Man:
Oh...

[Spider-Man gasps for air as he notices that Doctor Octopus is standing by his machine]

Spider-Man:
Who needs ribs, anyway?

[while fighting a mind-controlled Doc Ock]

Spider-Man:
Four extra arms and you still can't get me!

[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man:
Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Prowler:
'Nuff said.

[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man:
Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Black Cat:
I couldn't have said it better.

[before a group of PHANTOMS appear]

Doctor Octopus:
You're more fidgety than usual.

Spider-Man:
Something has my spider-sense going.

[a group of PHANTOMS suddenly appears to fight Spider-Man and Prowler]

Spider-Man:
[singing]

Spider-Man:
The itsy-bitsy spider's gonna web you in the face!

Prowler:
Oh, I can't work with you when there's singing involved!

[before a group of PHANTOMS appear]

Black Cat:
What's your spider-sense say?

Spider-Man:
You'd better believe my spider-sense is tingling!

[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man:
Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Doctor Octopus:
Ye... *Friends?*

[after a group of PHANTOMS appear]

Spider-Man:
I was wondering when I'd find more of you - to *fight!*

Black Cat:
*I* was wondering when we would get a quiet moment alone.

[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man:
What a workout!

Green Goblin:
For your *jaw?* Yes, I imagine it *was!*

[a large PHANTOM appears to fight Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus]

Doctor Octopus:
This one appears most sinister.

Spider-Man:
Oh, I bet you're just a big teddy bear, aren't you?

[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man:
Man, it feels good to be a super-hero!

Doctor Octopus:
And this is where we *stop* agreeing!

[the Computer screen switches on]

Computer:
Briefing software active. Sense of humor, offline.

Spider-Man:
Excuse me?

Nick Fury:
Computer was getting a little uppity, so I pulled a couple of chips.

[a map of Tangaroa Island appears on the Computer screen]

Computer:
Tangaroa Island. Once believed mythical, this island at latitude four point eight one five and longitude a hundred and sixty two point three four two is mostly unexplored.

Nick Fury:
So far, we know this meteor shard hasn't been snatched yet. But there's still a pretty good deal of PHANTOM activity in the area. We sent someone in to retrieve the meteor shard, but we lost radio contact within twenty-four hours ago.

[an image of Iron Fist appears on the Computer screen]

Computer:
Agent identity: Iron Fist. There is nothing funny about this name. Iron Fist is a master of the K'un L'un martial arts. His costume is not funny.

Nick Fury:
Clearly, I need to unhook some sarcasm circuits, too.

Spider-Man:
Oh, come on! Just give the poor thing its sense of humor back!

[after a brief pause, an image of the SHIELD bird emblem appears on the screen]

Computer:
Sense of humor reactivated.

[stars drop down onto the screen and a red-and-white striped party hat drops and lands on the head of the SHIELD bird emblem]

Computer:
Thank you, Spider-Man.

Spider-Man:
Computer, are the PHANTOMS on the island the same as what we saw in Tokyo?

Computer:
Last report from agent Iron Fist identified a nine percent symbiote index in all encountered PHANTOMS.

Nick Fury:
Computer, if you think you can behave yourself, please load up the villain profiles.

[an image of Scorpion appears on the Computer screen]

Computer:
Threat identity: Scorpion. Scorpion's suit is equipped with a high-powered plasma laser. Warning: has a big tail!

Nick Fury:
*Computer*...

[an image of Rhino appears on the screen]

Computer:
Threat identity: Rhino. Rhino's strength is only matched by his lack of wits. Warning...

[Computer chuckles]

Computer:
Smells like a rhinoceros.

Nick Fury:
All right, that's enough! I want some computer techs in here right now! I want...

[Spider-Man talks over Nick Fury, who is still indistinctly shouting orders]

Spider-Man:
I'll tell you what. I'll leave you two to sort this out and I'll go see if I can find your buddy Iron Fist and that meteor shard.

[Spider-Man lands crouched before a mind-controlled Scorpion]

Spider-Man:
Hey. What'cha doing, pal?

Scorpion:
Keeping you occupied while the others collect the shards!

[Scorpion swats his tail at Spider-Man, but he flips away and lands on the ground]

Spider-Man:
So your plan to keep me occupied is to put a big tail on your costume and hit me with it? Genius!

[after his mind-control amulet has been destroyed, Scorpion shakes his head, looks around at the temple he's in and he notices Spider-Man standing before him]

Scorpion:
Whoa! This ain't New York!

Spider-Man:
Ooh, observant! Tell me, now that I've broken the mind control, what's going on?

Scorpion:
*Mind control?*

[Scorpion slams his fists on the ground in anger]

Scorpion:
Somebody needs a *thumping*, 'cause I don't like being out of control!

[Spider-Man crouches and looks at Scorpion]

Spider-Man:
And yet, when you're *in* control, you dress up like a scorpion and act crazy. Go figure.

[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man:
Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Venom:
I am *not* your friend!