The Next Best Thing

Abbie:
I have something to tell you.

Robert:
Is it bigger than a breadbox?

Abbie:
Heh, not yet.

[Talking about Abbie and Robert's baby]

Annabelle:
Of course he'll be gorgeous.

Kelly:
Will he be gay?

Abbie:
My God, will your kids be stupid?

Ben:
Are you gay, or are you just acting gay?

Robert:
Well, that depends, are you interested are are you just acting interested?

Robert:
What? Eight martinis and you're stuffed?

Abbie:
Yep.

Robert:
Well, it doesn't take much to crack your egg, does it?

Sam:
Daddy, are you a 'f*ggot'?

Robert:
Where did you hear that word?

Sam:
Kyle told it to me

Robert:
And did Kyle tell you what it means?

Sam:
Yes.

Robert:
Well, what does it mean?

Sam:
It's when two boys kiss and they go to the opera.

Robert's Mother:
Do you remember that gloomy old grandpa that I told you about. The one who only comes out at night? [Sam shakes his head yes] Well, he's here.

Sam:
Smelling salts. Smelling salts. [Pretends to faint] Grandma, why aren't you fainting with me?

Young Girl:
I know what a f*ggot is. That it what my dad calls someone who cuts him off in traffic.