The Noose Hangs High

Ted Higgins:
I'd like to have a tooth pulled. I want no anesthetic and I don't care how much it hurts.

Dentist's Assistant:
Oh my, what a brave man you are! What tooth is it?

Ted Higgins:
[turns to Tommy] Show her the tooth.

Ted Higgins:
I'm always nervous when I handle money.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
I'm always nervous when I don't handle it.

Ted Higgins:
We'll bet on Lolly at 30 to 1.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
30 to 1? How can we do that? It's already quarter to!

Ted Higgins:
We're as honest as the day is long.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
That includes Daylight Savings.

Ted Higgins:
You take the money. They'd never suspect you.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
I don't want the money. I'd only spend it on silly things.

Nick Craig:
Where's my dough?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
It's a long story...

Nick Craig:
I don't like long stories.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
You like short ones?

Nick Craig:
Yeah.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
We ain't got the money.

Nick Craig:
Why, you...

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Too short?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
A guy in a white coat is coming for him and I don't mean the Good Humor man.

Ted Higgins:
Is she in the living room?

Hilda, the Maid:
No. She's indisposed.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
[starts pushing his way in] We'll see her in there.

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
Lolly C is off her feed.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
What does she eat?

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
Her fodder.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Mr. C! She eats her father? Well, what does her mother eat?

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
She eats her fodder!

Carol Blair:
Let's see, that comes to a sum of...

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
I wish I could get some of it back...

Dr. Richards:
I pulled my first tooth! I'm a dentist! [jumps up and down] I want a diploma! I want a diploma!

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
[to the thug holding him up in the air] Put that floor back where it belongs!

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
A mounted fish? What whoppers that guy tells! Did you ever see a mounted fish? Did you ever see a fish on a horse?

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
His father is in the pasture and his fodder is in the barn!

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
There's another reason Lucky George will win. Lucky George is a mudder!

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
How can a he be a mother? Ain't a she always a mother?

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
Sometimes a he is a better mudder than a she.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
How can you tell?

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
By their feet.

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
By the way, how is your mater and pater?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
They're great. They went to the theater with my brater and sater.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Hiya, toots.

Woman on Street:
Don't you dare call me toots, see. I quit the mob 10 years ago and I'm trying to go straight, see. If you guys don't let me alone, I'll get one-eyed Pitsie after you!

Ted Higgins:
What makes you so dumb?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
It just comes naturally.

Ted Higgins:
What if you had 5 dollars in one pant's pocket and 10 dollars in the other pants pocket. What would you have?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Someone else's pants.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
I like worcester shire sheer shauce.

Ted Higgins:
You like what?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Wooster sheer shire sauce.

Ted Higgins:
You like worcestershire sheershire shauce?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
You can't even say it!

Dr. Richards:
I'm Dr. Richards, the painless dentist. [points hand up in the air] Painless!

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Well, I ain't.

Carol Blair:
You're manna from heaven!

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
No, McBride from Boston.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Look at that wall over there. Isn't that a beautiful wall? You know what it reminds me of?

Ted Higgins:
What?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
[points at a different wall] That wall over here.

Ted Higgins:
Oh stop. Walls are walls.

Ted Higgins:
You don't even know what a husband is!

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.

Carol Blair:
A man can't stay away from home all the time!

Julius Caesar 'J.C.' McBride:
I do.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Fellows, Romans, and Countrymen! Who would like to buy a dope sheet?

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
20 thousand laws in this city and we can't find one to break.

Ted Higgins:
Now don't get excited, Tommy. I'll get you out of this mess and get you in jail.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
It's no use crying over spilled milk. It's the nickel back for the bottle that I care about.

Nick Craig:
I just want your footprints in the cement.

Tommy Hinchcliffe:
Whose going to see our footprints at the bottom of a barrel?

Nick Craig:
The little fishies.