The Three Musketeers

Aramis:
[to Porthos] Only the wrong words are a complete waste of time. The right words can leave a more lasting impression than a thousand of Porthos' kisses.

Barmaid:
Not likely.

Aramis:
Shall I demonstrate? [to barmaid] As morning hues of sunswept fire caress your passioned face, alone with thee a pure desire to worship untold grace. My soul would cry in silent prayer to an hour swept apart. Your essence warms the evening air as I dance into your heart. [kisses Barmaid's hand]

D'Artagnan:
Shakespeare.

Aramis:
Aramis.

Porthos:
Fleeting.

Barmaid:
It was beautiful.

Aramis:
Oh, thank you. [Barmaid gets up and kisses Aramis]

Milady:
I don't believe you've suffered the burden of chastity.

Cardinal Richelieu:
Perhaps you're right. [pulls back her cloak and moves to embrace her. Milady pulls out a dagger and holds it to his stomach.]

Milady:
I was making an observation, not an offer.

Cardinal Richelieu:
A word of caution, Milady. A snap of my fingers and you could be back on the block where I found you!

Milady:
And with a flick of my wrist, [inches the blade closer] I could change your religion.

Porthos:
Athos, you cannot fight this boy.

Athos:
Why not?

Porthos:
I'm fighting him.

D'Artagnan:
Not until one o'clock.

Aramis:
I have a duel with him, too.

D'Artagnan:
Not until two o'clock.

[Athos and D'Artagnan are driving Richelieu's carriage away while being chased by his guards. A loud pop is heard]

D'Artagnan:
They're shooting at us!

Porthos:
[Stands up with a foaming bottle] Champagne?

Athos:
We're in the middle of a chase, Porthos!

Porthos:
You're right. Something red. [Goes back down to find a bottle of wine]

[Cardinal Richelieu's been unmasked over his plot to assassinate King Louis]

King Louis:
You have failed!

Cardinal Richelieu:
[laughs] You are so naive. But things couldn't have gone more perfectly if I'd planned them myself. The King of France dies at the hands of his own personal guards! [heads to throne dais] Grief-stricken, terrified, the huddled masses turn for comfort to their devout spiritual leader... [hands together in prayer, then sits on the throne] who, ever so humbly, assumes the throne... [flays cape across queen's throne] with a queen by his side.

Queen Anne:
I would rather die.

Richelieu:
[kicks stool and stands up] That can be arranged!

Aramis:
[finds Richelieu's hidden treasure chest in his carriage] Is he a man of God or a man of gold?