Toy Story

Woody:
YOU... ARE... A... TOY!!!!!!!!!! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're an… Oh, you’re an action figure! You are a child's PLAYTHING!

Buzz:
You are a sad, strange, little man. You have my pity. Farewell.

Rex:
What if Andy gets another dinosaur? A mean one? I don't think I can take that kind of pressure.

Mr. Potato Head:
How come you don't have a laser, Woody?

Woody:
It's not a laser. It's a little light that blinks.

Hamm:
What's wrong with him?

Mr. Potato Head:
Laser envy.

Mr. Potato Head:
Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso.

Hamm:
I don't get it.

Mr. Potato Head:
You uncultured swine.

Buzz:
I've set my laser from stun to kill.

Woody:
Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.

Buzz:
To infinity, and beyond.

Mr. Potato Head:
Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs... Hey, I can dream can't I?

Mr. Potato Head:
What, did you take Stupid Pills this morning?

Woody:
Wind the frog.

Woody:
Wait a minute, I just lit a rocket... rockets explode. AAHH.

Woody:
Tuesday's plastic corrosion awareness meeting was a big success.

Hamm:
Yes sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.

Woody:
Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy.

Buzz:
Toy?

Woody:
T-O-Y, toy.

Buzz:
Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is "space ranger".

Woody:
The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.

Buzz:
I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.

Woody:
Oh. Well, that's good.

Buzz:
But we're not on my planet, are we?

Woody:
What chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear action figure?

Rex:
I'm from Mattel. Well, actually I'm from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buyout.

Buzz:
CAN.

Woody:
That wasn't flying; that was falling with style.

Hamm:
Way to go, Idaho.

Andy:
You're going to jail, Bart. Say good-bye to the wife and Tater Tots.

Woody:
Okay, Buzz. I think you've had enough tea, for now.

Buzz:
I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.

Woody:
Buzz, you're flying.

Buzz:
This isn't flying, this is falling with style.

Woody:
Aaaaah. This is the part where we blow up.

Buzz:
Not today.

Buzz:
Years of Academy training wasted.

Woody:
What happened to you?

Buzz:
One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette... and her little sister.

Woody:
Who's got my hat?

Woody:
Ha-ha, ha-ha. Gimme that.

Bo Peep:
Why don't I get someone else to watch the sheep for me tonight?

Woody:
Oh-ho yeah.

Buzz:
Do you know these life forms?

Woody:
Yes, they're Andy's toys.

Hamm:
Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.

Woody:
Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly.

Buzz:
They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I can fly.

Woody:
No, you can't.

Buzz:
Yes, I can.

Woody:
Can't.

Buzz:
Can.

Woody:
Can't, can't, ca-an't.

Buzz:
I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed.

Woody:
Okay, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it.

Buzz:
All right then, I will.

Rex:
Any dinosaur-shaped ones?

Hamm:
For crying out loud. They're all in boxes, you idiot.

Rex:
They're getting bigger.

Slinky Dog:
Wait, there's a little one over there.

Buzz:
You're mocking me, aren't you?

Slinky Dog:
I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted you for a second.

Rex:
ROAR!

Woody:
Oh, how ya doin', Rex.

Rex:
Were you scared? Tell me honestly.

Woody:
I was very close to being scared that time.

Rex:
I was going for fearsome, but I don't think I'm coming across. I'm afraid I'm just coming off as annoying.

Buzz:
This is no time to panic.

Woody:
This is a perfect time to panic!

Woody:
"You... are... a... toy!"

[Rex drops down in front of Woody and roars loudly]

Woody:
[in a bored tone] How ya doin', Rex?

Rex:
[stops roaring; calmly] Were ya scared? Tell me honestly.

Woody:
I was close to being scared that time.

Rex:
I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming off as annoying.

Hamm:
So, where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?

Buzz:
Well, no. I'm actually stationed at the Gamma Quadrant, Sector Four. As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the Galaxy from the threat of invasion from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!

Mr. Potato Head:
Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.

Rex:
And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leverage buyout.

Buzz:
According to my navi-computer, the...

Woody:
[quietly] Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!

Buzz:
Sheriff, this is no time to panic!

Woody:
This is the perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days, and it's all your fault!

Buzz:
My fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...

Woody:
Oh, yeah?! Well, if you hadn't shown up inside your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...

Buzz:
Don't talk to me about importance! Because of you, the security of this entire universe is in jeopardy!

Woody:
WHAT?!! What are you talkin' about?!

Buzz:
Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals his weapon's only weakness. And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!

Woody:
Woody: YOU... ARE... A... TOY!!!!!!!!!! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You’re an… Aw, you're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!

Buzz:
You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell. [exits]

Woody:
Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony! [sarcastically] "Rendezvous with Star Command."

[the rocket Woody and Buzz are strapped to launches into the air, taking the two into the sky]

Woody:
[screams] This is the part where we blow up!

Buzz:
Not today!

[Buzz activates his wings, cutting the tape that binds him to the rocket; Woody screams and covers his eyes in fear, but just as they are about to hit the ground, Buzz soars up carrying Woody]

Woody:
Hey, Buzz! You're flying!

Buzz:
This isn't flying. This is falling with style!

Woody:
(laughs) To infinity and beyond!

[Andy and his mom stop at the gas station]

Andy:
Can I help pump the gas?

Andy's Mom:
Sure, I'll even let you drive.

Andy:
Really?

Andy's Mom:
Yeah, when you're 16.

Andy:
Yup, yup, yup, very funny, Mom.

Woody:
[feeling miserable for what he'd done, lying on the seat of Andy's car] How am I gonna convince those guys it was an accident?

[Woody spots Buzz up at the sunroof, staring down at him]

Woody:
Buzz!

[Buzz leaps down onto the seat right next to Woody, furious, covered in leaves and twigs]

Woody:
Buzz! You're alive! This is great! I'm saved! Andy will find you here, he'll take us back to the room, and then you can tell everyone that this was all this all just a big mistake. Huh? [Buzz glares at him, speechless] Right? Buddy?

Buzz:
I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.

Woody:
Oh, well, that's good.

Buzz:
But we're not on my planet. Are we?

Woody:
No.

[they start fighting]

Alien #1:
A stranger.

Alien #2:
From the outside.

Aliens:
Oooooooooooooooh.

Buzz:
Greetings, I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.

[all the Aliens gather around him]

[Sid at Pizza Planet ends up spotting Buzz in the Alien Claw Game, much to Woody's shock]

Sid:
A Buzz Lightyear? No way. [the claw reaches down and collects Buzz successfully] Yes!

[Woody grabs Buzz's legs, trying to pull him out and stop him from being obtained]

Sid:
[banging against the glass] Hey!

Aliens:
[as Woody struggles to pull Buzz out of the claw machine] He has been chosen.

[the Alien toys all push Woody back through]

Woody:
Stop it! What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it, you zealots!

Sid:
[after having obtained both Buzz and Woody] All right, double prizes! [picks up them both] Let's go home and play.

[Sid chuckles as the camera zooms in on his shirt]

Sid:
Hannah! Hey, Hannah!

Hannah:
What?

Sid:
Did I get my package in the mail?

Hannah:
[shrugs] I don't know.

Sid:
[demanding] What do you mean, you don't know?

Hannah:
I don't know.

Sid:
[referring to Hannah's doll] Oh, no, Hannah, look at Janey! She's sick!

Hannah:
[as Sid snatches her] No she's not!

Sid:
I'll have to perform one of my... operations!

Hannah:
No!

Woody:
Not Sid's room. Not there.

Hannah:
No! [chasing Sid up to his room] Sid, gave her back! [as Sid closes the door] Sid! Sid!

[Sid throws his bag with Woody and Buzz onto his bed]

Sid:
Oh, no!

Hannah:
Mom!

Sid:
We have a sick patient here, Nurse.

Hannah:
[off-screen] Sid, gave her back!

Sid:
Prepare the O.R., stat!

Hannah:
[off-screen] Gave her back now! I'm telling!

Sid:
Patient is prepped.

[gets out a plastic face mask]

Sid:
No-one has ever attempted a double bypass brain transplant before. Now for the tricky part.

[Woody and Buzz watch in horror as Sid places Janey's head into a vice]

Sid:
Pliers!

Buzz:
I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.

[he does the same to a toy pterodactyl's body]

Sid:
[now with the Pterodactyl's head on Janey's body] Doctor, you've done it! [walking to the door with Hannah waiting outside] Hannah! Janey's all better now!

Hannah:
[shrieks at the sight of what Sid did to Janey and runs downstairs] Mum, Mum!

Sid:
She's lying! Whatever she says is not true!

[throws the toy onto the floor, as the pterodactyl's head falls off]

Sid:
[torturing Woody with a magnifying glass] Where are your rebel friends now?

Sid's Mom:
[offscreen, downstairs] Sid! Your Pop-Tarts are ready!

Sid:
[running off] All right!

Sid:
[in panic] The toys! The toys are alive! [whimpering] Nice toy!

[Hannah holds her new Sally doll out at Sid in fear, and chases him upstairs]

Hannah:
What's wrong Sid? Don't you wanna play with Sally?

Woody:
Reach for the sky!

Woody:
There's a snake in my boot.

Sid Phillips:
[talking in his sleep] I wanna ride the pony...