True Confessions

Jack Amsterdam:
You knew that whore and you didn't tell anyone. You're a priest, a priest, for chrissakes.

Des Spellacy:
I knew her. You f***ed her.

Tom Spellacy:
How's ma? Is she still eating with her fingers?

Des Spellacy:
Well, she says the early Christian martyrs didn't have spoons.

Tom Spellacy:
Tell her they didn't have Instant Cream of Wheat, either.

Brenda's Trick:
I paid for half and half. I should get half and half.

Brenda Samuels:
But you only did half.

Tom Spellacy:
I want you to get me a list of all people with the same M.O.

Tom Spellacy:
She was cut in two. Do you think it's an epidemic, like the flu?

Frank Crotty:
You know who we're going to pick up on this one? Panty sniffers, weenie flashers, guys who beat their hard on the number two bus, guys who fall in love with their shoes. Know how we're going to break this case? A couple of years from now, we'll pick up someone running a red light. I killed the girl. he'll say. What girl, we'll say. The girl with the rose tattoo, he'll say. What girl was that, we'll say. This is a 9-to-5 stiff, Tom. No overtime.

Des Spellacy:
He might have been there on a pastoral call.

Tom Spellacy:
When was the last time you hung your pants over the side of the bed while making a house call?

Des Spellacy:
I admit, that's not the way they teach you at the seminary.

Tom Spellacy:
Msgr. Spellacy's table, please.

Headwaiter:
I thought that Msgr. Spellacy would be dining with Mr. Amsterdam.

Tom Spellacy:
Well, you thought wrong, f***head.

Howard Terke:
How about it, Tom? Can you get your brother the monsignor to say a mass for this c*nt? It'll make the front page.

Tom Spellacy:
Howard, we don't even know yet whether or not she was a Catholic c*nt.