White on Rice

Jimmy:
My brother-in-law thinks I'm retarded.

Tim Kim:
Tak? Why do you say that?

Jimmy:
Because he said, "I think you're retarded".

Jimmy:
It's hard to be an adult. Lots of things to worry about. Like the water bill.

Nathan:
Can I get you something to drink?

Jimmy:
Can I have some grape juice with ice?

Nathan:
I'll get you some coffee.

Mary:
It's still early. Do you want to get some ice cream?

Jimmy:
No, I have to go home and kill myself.

Doctor:
Look, I understand there's a lot of dishonor in your culture, but...

Waiter:
I don't speak Russian, so SHUT UP!

Professor Berk:
You're solid as a rock. I'm sure you'll land on your feet.

Jimmy:
Yes, like a cat. But then I'll break my legs.