The Opposite of Sex1998

Lucia:
I don't know. I just don't - I don't get sex.

Bill Truitt:
You should get out more.

Lucia:
I mean, "I don't understand sex." I don't get it. Get it? It seems like a lot of trouble for not much. Am I the only one that thinks this?

Bill Truitt:
I don't think you're the tip of an iceberg, frankly.

Lucia:
I would rather have a backrub, you know. It lasts longer and there's no fluids. You know, what's so great about that? It's like, "Hi! I'd like to blow my nose on your face." I mean, you wouldn't like that, would you?

Bill Truitt:
And after they do it, they never phone you.

Lucia:
Yeah, or a shampoo. You know, just a really great shampoo. That would make sense. If you were chasing this a**hole all around the country because he gave really great shampoos...

Bill Truitt:
It's not just sex, Lucia. I CARE for Matt, alright?

Lucia:
It IS sex, Bill. You just won't admit it. Cuz you wanna be above that. You wanna think that nothing that happened happened because you like sex.

Bill Truitt:
I'm really beat.

Lucia:
You know, sex kills, Bill. You just - you won't accept that. But why do you think there's no more real Hawaiians, huh? And why would they bother coming up with the phrase "died in childbirth" if it only happened one time? It's f***ing dangerous, sex!

Bill Truitt:
Tom didn't die because of sex.

Lucia:
Didn't he? I mean, PC crap aside, didn't sex kill Tom? Huh? I mean, if he just couldn't get enough shampoos or backrubs, wouldn't he still be here today?

Bill Truitt:
You might as well say I killed him.

Lucia:
You didn't give it to him.

Bill Truitt:
No, but some OTHER f*ggot did! Isn't that what you think?

Lucia:
No. What I think is: Fine. Chase this bimbo from Indiana to Chippewa Falls, for all I care. Go ahead. Throw away your reputation, your job, and your students, and whatever because you want Matt. That's - it your RIGHT! Just don't say that it's about love, okay? You're an English teacher. Call things by their right name.