Curb Your Enthusiasm2000

Larry David:
Every time I go to the bathroom I have to have this stop-and-chat with her both before I go and after I go. You know, it's too much.

Richard Lewis:
She means well. By the way, she told me that you go to the bathroom like ten to fourteen times a day. You move your bowels, you piss... Are you alright? She was concerned.

Larry David:
Alright, you see what I'm saying? This is what I'm talking about. This is none of her business! How often I go to the bathroom, what I'm doing in there, how long I'm in there, talking to you about my personal bathroom habits! That's not good, alright? It's too much! It's too much.

Richard Lewis:
But someone's gonna sit there. What, would you rather have a klansman sitting there?

Larry David:
No, I would rather have a stranger, frankly! A stranger sitting there who I don't have to report in to.

Richard Lewis:
She cares about you.

Larry David:
Oh, she cares about me?

Richard Lewis:
Yeah.

Larry David:
Listen, it's none of her business...

Richard Lewis:
She has bowel concern for you and I do too!

Larry David:
I don't need her bowel concern! I drink a lot of water, that's all. I drink a lot of water. Big deal.

Richard Lewis:
A lot of water? You drink more than a porpoise. No one pisses that often without drinking like thousands of gallons a week.

Larry David:
Alright, let's stop talking about this. My bathroom habits are not your concern, okay?

Richard Lewis:
Alright then I won't care about your health. Fine.

Larry David:
You don't need to care about- I'm in very good health! I got a beautiful colon! You wanna take a picture of my colon?

Richard Lewis:
I have a VHS of mine!

Larry David:
Fine, fine, you can put my colon up next to your colon! We'll see who has a cleaner, healthier colon!

Richard Lewis:
I'll have a colon contest with you any time you want!

Larry David:
Any time you wanna have a colon contest, buddy!

Richard Lewis:
You're shitting and pissing almost seventy times a week!

Larry David:
Get the hell out of here! This is ridiculous!

Richard Lewis:
She's right next to you, she's...

Larry David:
I DON'T WANT HER MONITORING MY BATHROOM HABITS, OKAY?

Richard Lewis:
I mean, what are you eating? A lot of grains and fruits and nuts? You're like a Jew squirrel.