Keeping Up Appearances1990

[first lines]

Hyacinth:
I wish you'd smile more when you're gardening, Richard. [with a smile, she mimes trimming a branch]

Richard:
If I do *that* they're going to lock me away.

Hyacinth:
Try to look as though you're enjoying it, dear.

Richard:
But I don't particularly enjoy it. It's just something that has to be done.

Hyacinth:
Well, that's how it appears.

Richard:
The garden looks well enough.

Hyacinth:
Oh, it's not the garden dear; it's *you*. You look as though you're not enjoying doing it. Which gives the impression that we can't afford a gardener.

Richard:
We can't afford a gardener.

Hyacinth:
Shh, Richard! Keep your voice down, dear. *If* we can't afford a gardener, that's all the more reason why we should look as though we *can* afford a gardener. So in future, could you look like someone who enjoys doing his own gardening but could afford a gardener if he wanted to.