The Boondocks2005

Uncle Ruckus:
People say to me 'Ruckus'. I say 'Huh, who said that?' They say 'How do I make it to White Heaven?' Well, start by askin' yourself 'How is my relationship with the white man?' Do you celebrate the white man's goodness every day? Do you stop and thank the white man for the food you eat and the clothes you wear? Huh? Well, if you don't, you goin' to Hell. Now, I want everybody who isn't white to turn to a white person and say 'Thank you'.

Tom Dubois:
[Tom puts his hand on a white man's shoulder] Thank you. Thank you so much.

Uncle Ruckus:
Well, there are those of you who say I'm a racist. There are those of you who say I'm wrong for hatin' niggas. Well, I call y'all ALL hypocrites! 'Cause each and every one of you can name ten niggas you hate right now if you had to!

Tom Dubois:
I never thought about it like that. There's Tyrone... Leon... Oh! Eddie!

Uncle Ruckus:
You don't have to admit it. That's OK. 'Cause I know you done already counted off five niggas in yo' head! You're like 'I hate that nigga Jamal! Oh, I hate Otis! I can't stand Usher!'

Tom Dubois:
Oh my God, he's right! I hate Usher, too!

Robert 'Granddad' Freeman:
What?

Tom Dubois:
He's right. I think I hate black people!

Robert 'Granddad' Freeman:
[whispering] Tom, stop being stupid!

Tom Dubois:
No, I think I hate 'em all. I don't like Puffy! I don't like Kobe! I don't like... [stands up] I don't like any of 'em!

Robert 'Granddad' Freeman:
Tom, snap out of it! Come on, we're leaving. [stands up]

Uncle Ruckus:
That's right! Somebody out there is feelin' the spirit!

Tom Dubois:
I am! I am! I feel it!

Uncle Ruckus:
If you black of skin and full of sin, come forward so I may lay my hands on you. [slaps a black man] Black be gone! [slaps black woman] Praise White Jesus! [slaps another black man] Now, I want everybody to find the nearest black man and lay hands on him. But first, make sure your hand is balled up in a fist so you can beat the black outta his soul. God smiles when you hate blackness so you beat that darkie in the name of the Almighty! Hallelujah! [the whole congregation starts beating each other. Granddad pulls Tom away from the melee] That's right! Ronald Regan said 'Beat a nigga's ass and go to Heaven.' God is good! Now, let us pray. Lord, I have spent my whole life hatin' you for makin' me black. And now I see I must hate myself and all those like me. And cause them misery just like your servant, Ronald Reagan did. And if any of my words don't come directly from the Almighty God himself, then may I be struck by lightning right this very instant! Halle- [Ruckus is struck by lightning] AAAAHHHHHHH!