The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
So how's the rebrand going?

Nick Hanway:
Ok. We've booked him for a photo op on Tuesday, he's taking the family to a harvester.

Malcolm Tucker:
Oh, Jesus Christ. Really? "Have you been to a harvester before, Prime Minister?" "No, in fact I've never been actually out of the f***ing house with my family before".

Nick Hanway:
Anyway, look, do you know the name of the guy who's booked to go on Today in the morning?

Malcolm Tucker:
Sure, yeah... Do YOU know?

Nick Hanway:
Yeah, we've just found out. So, you know who it is.

Malcolm Tucker:
Offcourse I know! There's nothing that you know that I don't know. I'm Doctor f***ing Know.

Nick Hanway:
Who is it?

Malcolm Tucker:
Are you testing me now? 'Cause I could test you and we could have a big match of testostothone. I mean how do I know that you've got the f***ing name anyway?

Nick Hanway:
Because Hugo at Today told us.

Malcolm Tucker:
Right.

Nick Hanway:
So what name have you got?

Malcolm Tucker:
[long pause] Dan Miller!

Nick Hanway:
Oh, ok, so you do know...

Malcolm Tucker:
'course I f***ing do...

Nick Hanway:
Look, Tom's announcing his team in the morning and I got to to stop Dan Miller from announcing his team two hours before we announce ours, so if you wanna get on the bus...

Malcolm Tucker:
That is my mission. You, mister Nutty-Bar, have given me a task. Jesus Christ! Who the f*** does Tom think he is?

Nick Hanway:
The next Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Malcolm.

[Turning to leave]

Malcolm Tucker:
Nick. Tell mighty f***ing Tom that his transition will be as smooth as a Brazilian's fudd.

Jamie:
[Jamie comes into the office] Oh, Trinny and Susannah! I'm sorry to burst into your little f***ing boutique, but you've got a fight on your hands! That's all I'm saying, I'm backing a rival candidate, so f*** you and f*** you and your Nutter coronation 'cause it ain't happening!

Nick Hanway:
You're backing Dan Miller, are you?

Jamie:
No, I'm not backing Dan Miller, don't you f***ing ever ask me a question again!