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Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time. Claire: [raises hand] Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but, um... I don't think I belong in here. Vernon: [checks his watch] It is now 7:06. You have exactly 8 hours and 54 minutes to think about why you're here: To ponder the error of your ways. [Bender spits and catches saliva, and Claire gasps in disgust] [points at Claire] And you may not talk. [to Brian] You will not move from these seats. And you... [points at John] ...will not sleep. All right, people, we're gonna try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay... of no less than a thousand words... describing to me who you think you are. John: Is this a test? Vernon: And when I say "Essay", I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear, Mr. Bender? John: Crystal. Vernon: Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return. Brian: [raises hand, stands] Uh, you know, I can answer that right now, sir. You know, that'd be "no." "No" for me, 'cause— Vernon: Sit down, Johnson. Brian: Thank you, sir. Vernon: My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions? John: Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe? Vernon: I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull, young man or you'll get the horns. John: [about Vernon] That man... is a brownie hound. [33 seconds later, after he and the other students see and hear Allison biting her fingernails. And he gives her a reminder.] If you keep eating you hand, you're not gonna be hungry for lunch. [Allison bites another fingernail, and spits it out.] I've seen you before, you know.

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