Larry Joseph Burrows: How can my life change so much just because I hit one stinking baseball?
Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Well, you see Larry, one's destiny is a very complicated thing. Every incident in a person's life affects everything else that follows it. Instead of missing the baseball, however, you hit it. Then you became a hero, married the prom queen, and so on, and so forth, until you find yourself exactly where you are. So you see, hitting that baseball has spun your life off in an entirely new direction.
Larry Joseph Burrows: Are you an angel or something?
Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Not exactly, no.
Larry Joseph Burrows: Then what are you?
Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Have you ever been faced with a decision, and you weren't sure what to do?
Larry Joseph Burrows: Yeah, sure, plenty of times.
Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: And then something inside you made you choose one direction over another?
Larry Joseph Burrows: Yeah. So?
Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: So that's me. I make the suggestions, and you make the choices. That's how destiny works, Larry - very subtly. Welcome to your new life, Larry. I hope you like it.
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