Fawlty Towers, Series 2

Mrs. Richards:
Now listen to me. I booked a room with a bath. When I book a room with a bath I expect to get a bath.

Basil:
(confused) You've got a bath.

Mrs. Richards:
I'm not paying Seven Pounds Twenty Pence per night plus VAT for a room without a bath.

Basil:
[goes into the bathroom] There is your bath.

Mrs. Richards:
You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse. It's disgraceful...

Basil:
[quietly] I wish you were a mouse, I'd show you...

Mrs. Richards:
And another thing. I booked a room with a view.

Basil:
[quietly to Manuel] Deaf, mad and blind. [Goes to the window] Yes, this is the view as I remember it, yes, yes, this is it.

Mrs. Richards:
When I pay for a room with a view, I expect something more interesting than that.

Basil:
That is Torquay madam.

Mrs. Richards:
Well it's not good enough.

Basil:
Well, may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...?

Mrs. Richards:
Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.

Basil:
You can see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.

Mrs. Richards:
I'd need a telescope to see that.

Basil:
Well, then, may I suggest you move to a hotel nearer the sea? [mutters] Or preferably in it.

Mrs Richards:
Now listen to me. I am not satisfied. However, I have decided to stay. But I shall expect a reduction.

Basil:
Why, because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?

Mrs Richards:
Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible and the radio doesn't work.

Basil:
No, the radio works. [mutters] You don't.

Mrs Richards:
What?

Basil:
I'll see if I can fix it [mutters] you scabby old bat. (walks over to the radio and turns it up loud, then turns it off)