Blackadder

[After Baldrick suggests a cunning plan of joining the Catering Corps. to get out of the trenches]

Blackadder:
There is however one slight flaw in the plan; you're the worst cook in the entire world!

Baldrick:
Oh yeah.

Blackadder:
There are amoeba on Saturn who could boil a better egg than you. Your filet mignons in sauce bernaise look like dog turds in glue!

Baldrick:
That's because they are.

Blackadder:
Your plum duff tastes like it's a molehill decorated with rabbit droppings.

Baldrick:
I thought you wouldn't notice...

Blackadder:
And your cream custard has the texture of cat vomit.

Baldrick:
Again, it's...

Blackadder:
If you were to serve up one of your meals at Staff HQ, you'd be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends for a wine and anthrax party!