What's the difference between men and women?
Is this a joke?
Never met a woman who knew how to turn off a light. Born thinking the switch only goes one way: on. Come home, house all lit up, and my job, you see, apparently because my chromosomes happen to be different is that I gotta walk through that house and turn off every single light this chick left on.
Is that right?
Yeah, baby. Oh Reverend Shane is a-preachin' to ya now, boy. Then this same chick, mind ya, she'll bitch about, uh, Global Warming. This is where Reverend Shane wants to quote from the Guy Gospel and say, "Uh, darlin' maybe if you and every other pair of boobs on this planet could just figure out that the light switch, see, goes both ways, maybe we wouldn't have so much Global Warming?"
You say that?
The polite version. Still, that earns me this look of loathing you would not believe and that's when the Exorcist voice pops out "You sound just like my damn Father! Always yellin' about the power bill and tellin' me to turn off the damn lights!"
What do you say to that?
I know what I want to say. What I want to say, "Bitch, you mean to tell me you've been hearing this your entire life and you are still too damn stupid to learn how to turn off a switch?"
[Dr. Jenner is speaking to a recording camera.]
Jenner here. It's Day 194 since Wildfire was declared and 63 days since the disease abruptly went global. There's no clinical progress to report. Item: I finally got the scrubbers in the east sector shut down to save power. Wish I could have done it a month ago, but it took me how long to figure it out. Too bad I never studied engineering. Could have saved a lot of amps. Item: Still not sleeping well. Can't seem to keep regular hours. Living underground doesn't help; not knowing if it's day or night. Just...feeling very...off.
[Dr. Jenner is speaking to a recording camera after the decontamination process destroyed his samples.]
The TS-19 samples are gone. The tragedy of their loss cannot be overstated. They were our freshest samples, by far. None of the other samples we gathered came close. Those are necrotic. Useless, dead flesh. [Pause] I don't even know why I'm talking to you. I bet there isn't a single son of a bitch still listening out there, is there? [Gets closer to the camera] Is there? Fine. Saves me the embarrassment. I think tomorrow I'm gonna blow my brains out. I haven't decided. But tonight, I'm getting drunk. [Pours a glass of wine, finishing the bottle. Shows the camera the bottle.] Speaking of which, how far do you think I can chuck this, huh? Pretty far, I bet. [Throws bottle across room, shattering it.] Oh! It is out of the stadium!
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