Bob Wiley:
Baby step to four o'clock. Baby step to four o'clock.

Bob Wiley:
I see salt and I see pepper, but I don't see a salt substitute.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone!

Bob Wiley:
Is this some radical new therapy?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
YOU SEE?

Bob Wiley:
You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
It's exceptionally rare.

Bob Wiley:
Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch... bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Why exactly are you doing this?

Bob Wiley:
Well, if I fake it then I don't have it.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
All's I want is some peace and quiet!

Bob Wiley:
Okay I'll be quiet.

Siggy:
And I'll be peace!

Bob Wiley:
what if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one... and my bladder explodes?

Bob Wiley:
There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Are you married?

Bob Wiley:
I'm divorced.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Would you like to talk about that?

Bob Wiley:
There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
This is black powder, Bob. A teaspoon of it can blow up a tree stump.

Bob Wiley:
How much you got there?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Twenty pounds.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
You understand right? There's no other solution. You won't go away.

Bob Wiley:
Yes I will.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
No you won't. You're just saying you will, so that when I don't kill you, you'll show up again and make everyone else in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a shmuck. But I'm not a shmuck Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and steal my family away just because you're crazy enough to be fun.

Bob Wiley:
What are you doing with the gun, Dr. Marvin?

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.

Bob Wiley:
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

Bob Wiley:
Dr. Marvin, I'M SAILING!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
That's good, KEEP SAILING BOB!

Bob Wiley:
...baby steps get on the elevator... baby steps get on the elevator... Ah, I'm on the elevator.

Bob Wiley:
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mr. Guttman:
Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks nice.

Mrs. Guttman:
Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Son of a bitch and BOB!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Hahaha, Monday we'll eat Gil and Tuesday Bob.

Siggy:
I mean, my dad just dropped me in the water. He let me go with no warning. I mean, I nearly drowned. My whole life passed before my eyes.

Bob Wiley:
You're lucky you're only 12.

Siggy:
It was still grim.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Why are you always wearing black? What is it with you and this death fixation?

Siggy:
Maybe I'm in mourning for my lost childhood.

Bob Wiley:
Good morning Gil. I said good morning, Gil.

Dr. Leo Marvin:
Catherine that's easy for you to say. The man is human crazy glue!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
I can't believe that I'm hearing this!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
I'M RELAXED!

Dr. Leo Marvin:
I'M ON VACATION!

Bob Wiley:
Excuse me Phil, but with these particular symptoms, is Prozac the right choice?

Lily Marvin:
You think Prozac is a mistake?

Bob Wiley:
Well, with this kind of manic episode, I would think Librium might be a more effective management tool.

Phil:
You could be right. I'll rewrite the prescription.