Bend It Like Beckham2002

[Archival footage of Manchester United playing has Jess artificially spliced in making a goal]

Sportscaster:
..and there is Bhamra. It's a fine header, and she's scored! It's a goal by Jess Bhamra! A superb header, beating the defender,and planting the ball beyond the goalkeeper's left hand. Jess Bhamra makes a name for herself at Old Trafford!

[Sports anchors are in a studio]:

Sportscaster:
And have we discovered a new star here, Gary Lineker?

Gary:
That's right. John?

John:
Absolutely.. hehe.

Gary:
Could Bhamra be the answer to England's prayers? Alan?

Alan:
Quick thinking, comfortable on the ball, vision and awareness - magnificent. Tell you what, I wish she was playing for Scotland!

Gary:
John, have England found the player to relive their World Cup glory from '66?

John:
Definitely, and the best thing is, she's not even reached her peak yet.

Anchor:
We're joined now by Jess's mother. You must be proud of your daughter.

Mrs. Bhamra:
Not at all! She shouldn't be showing her bare legs to 70,000 people! She's bringing shame on the family. And you three shouldn't be encouraging her! [Mrs. Bhamra faces the camera] Jesminder, you get back home now! [Scene changes to Jess' bedroom who is watching TV.] Are you listening to me? Have you gone mad? Football, shootball! Your sister's getting engaged, and you're watching this skinhead boy!

Jess:
Mum, it's Beckham's corner!

Mrs. Bhamra:
Eh, come downstairs, and your sister's going crazy.

Pinky:
I've got to go! Mum, where are my keys?

Jess:
I'm sick of this wedding and it hasn't even started!

Pinky:
That girl is a first-class b*tch!

Mrs. Bhamra:
Pinky, you've got so many others!

Pinky:
It was all planned now I gotta get another one! [To Jess] Will you get a flaming move on!

Jess:
What the bloody hell's going on?

Pinky:
Get this yeah? Teet's bloody sister says she's wearing baby pink now. Stupid flipping cow! I had matching accessories and everything!

Jess:
Oh, Mum, do I have to go shopping again?

Mrs. Bhamra:
Ah! My mother chose all my 21 dowry suits herself. I never once complained. You girls are too spoilt! And don't forget my dhania. And more carrots. I'm making achar.

Both Jess and Pinky simultaneously:
Oh, Mum, don't do pickle as well!

Mrs. Bhamra:
Oh, am I asking you to make it?!

...

[Pinky walks up to 3 friends in a store]

Girl 1:
Hi, Pinks! Are you all right?

Girl 2:
You haven't left everything to the last minute, have you?

Pinky:
Yeah. One more day of freedom! [leans in to observe a girl's face] Where did you get your contacts?

Girl 2:
Do you like 'em? Thought they go with my hair innit?

Pinky:
My fiance don't like dyed hair. Can't stand here all day. I got to go to Ealing for my facial. Later!

Girls:
Bye, Pinks. Later.

Pinky:
[Speaking to Jess under breath when leaving store] Stupid b*tch! Why did she get blue contacts? Now I can't wear mine!

...

Jules:
I'd never wear that!

Mrs. Paxton:
They're all the rage, poppet! You blow 'em up, just like a lilo. Look, this little pump comes free with it. Pop it in the valve, pump away, up it goes, then slip it back in there...[Holds up bra looking proud]..and boom! Cleavage! They're perfect while you're still growing 'cause they lift you right there. [Grabs Jules breasts]

Jules:
Mum! God, you're so embarrassing!

Mrs. Paxton:
They make more of what you've got. All the girls have bought one for their daughters. The Fleur's pretty, and the gel bra's a clever one - no pumping, it's already in there. Not the sports bras! They're so plain! They don't enhance.

Jules:
No one's going to see them.

Mrs. Paxton:
It's not how they look, it's how they make you feel. I really like that lace lycra one.

...

Pinky:
Uh-oh, there's your mate. I hope his mum wears a cardi over her three stomachs tomorrow!

Jess:
Shut up! She's old.

Pinky:
So? All right, Jess?

Tony:
Hiya, Pinky.

Tony's mother:
May you have a long life, my daughters! Getting ready for tomorrow?

Pinky:
Yes, Massiji. Mum's making samosas.

Tony's mother:
May God keep you and your husband in endless happiness! And pray for me that I get a lovely daughter-in-law like you for my Tony.

Pinky:
Aw, thank you, Massiji! OK, bye, Yeah?

Tony:
How was biology?Did you do the genetics one?

Jess:
Yes, she was the defective carrier passed the defective gene onto her son.

Tony:
Yeah, I got that, too.

Jess:
I hope I got my 2 Bs and my A for my uni.