Quotes from the news wire:
If anyone in this theater commits an act of violence at any point during this show you will be awarded the Oscar for best actor and permitted to give a 19-minute-long speech.
Found on CNN 1 year ago
People said I stole your moment, and maybe I did, and I'm very sorry if I did do that. I'm sorry I did do that, actually. And also the last thing I would ever want to do is upset you because I think so much of you. I think you know that. I hope you know that.
Found on CNN 1 year ago
Last night we announced that our President, President Joe Biden, would be stopping by, he will be here, which is nice, because it gives the gang at Fox News something to scream about all week.
Found on CNN 1 year ago
Here we are again, on another day of mourning in this country, once again, we grieve for the little boys and girls whose lives have been ended and whose families have been destroyed.
Found on CNN 1 year ago
This is a time to be loud — and to stay loud — and not stop until we fix this, some people say this is a mental health problem. Others say it's a gun problem. It is both, and it can be both. So let's work on both of those.
Found on CNN 1 year ago
They're listening to the NRA, they're listening to the people who write them checks, who keep them in power because that's the way politics work. That's the idea we settle on, that's what we tell ourselves, but it doesn't have to be that way. Not for this.
Found on CNN 1 year ago
While our leaders on the right — the Americans in Congress and at Fox News and these other outlets — warn us not to politicize this. They immediately criticize our President for even speaking about doing something to stop it, because they don't want to speak about it. Because they know what they've done and they know what they haven't done, and they know that it's indefensible. So they'd rather sweep this under the rug.
Found on CNN 1 year ago
Some of them were just funny and some were very serious emails about life and the wellbeing of our children and how hard it is to appreciate one of those without the other being just right.
Found on FOX News 2 years ago
After you won the game, do you remember what I did? I said ‘good game, thanks’ and I shook your disgusting hand, i didn’t complain that it was rigged, I didn’t ask for a recount on the referee, I didn’t start a conspiracy theory about the basketball having a microchip in it. I brought shame on my family and I embraced it as I always do.
Found on FOX News 2 years ago
MEGHAN MARKLE, PRINCE HARRY JOINING SELENA GOMEZ-LED CONCERT TO PROMOTE CORONAVIRUS VACCINE AWARENESS Sources told us that Jimmy Kimmel told Ben Affleck :.
Found on FOX News 2 years ago
I worry about you. I feel like you are maybe self-destructive, i feel like you're going to be out dressed as Spider-Man on Hollywood Boulevard at the end of this whole thing.
Found on CNN 2 years ago
This was not the sort of thing I ever imagined would happen in this country in my lifetime, the President of the United States, because Donald Trump is too angry, too insecure and too incompetent to deal with the fact that Donald Trump lost an election — a fair election, an election that was no different than any other election, an election Donald Trump lost by seven million votes, and 70 electors — turns an angry mob against members of Congress and his own vice president.
Found on CNN 3 years ago
Me and my n----- down in LBC, well smoke that motherf------ Christmas tree.
Found on FOX News 3 years ago
I don't know where we will do this or how we will do this or even why we are doing this, but we are doing it and I am hosting it.
Found on CNN 3 years ago
Kobe Bryant was so big, it was almost like Kobe Bryant was Kobe Bryant, kobe Bryant was a real-life superhero with a costume and everything, walking amongst us.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
The Tonight Show is going to be different from our usual show, we don't have a studio audience here tonight because going forward with a comedy show didn't feel right considering what happened yesterday. So I'd like to just speak to you directly.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
Kobe Bryant came to L.A. when Kobe Bryant was Kobe Bryant and unlike almost every other superstar athlete, he never left, in Kobe Bryant 20-year career Kobe Bryant only wore two uniforms, for the Lakers and for the United States Olympic team.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
My intention is not to canonize Kobe Bryant or make judgments about things I don't know anything about, but I will say Kobe Bryant loved Kobe Bryant family, Kobe Bryant worked very hard, and Kobe Bryant brought a lot of joy to a lot of people in this city and we're going to miss Kobe Bryant.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
The Tonight Show's almost like you and President Obama left the door to the White House open and a bear got in.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
The rest of the week I'm a glutton — pizza and pasta and steak.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
Congratulations to our new fellow America citizens ! welcome to this country.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
This is a very strange time in a America, our President is building walls and telling people to go back where they came from. With all that happening it's important to remember that many people still dream of becoming Americans. Every week immigrants from all around the world take the oath of citizenship.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
You watch the news all day, you see what's going on, how do you walk on stage and ignore it ? It just doesn't work anymore, i wish I could. It's hard for me to talk about serious subjects. It takes a lot out of me. I do want to be funny. That's fun. It's not fun doing anything like that.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
It's horrible, nobody's doing anything about it at all and we seem to forget about these tragedies nationally four days after they happen.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
I think that they want to know what you think in the same way that when you interact with your friends they want to know what they think about things, i wish we didn't have to do it so frequently.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
My hope, always, in situations like that, is... I know I don't have any thoughts that are new or groundbreaking and usually by the time we get on the air there's been 24 to 48 hours of news coverage, but to just remind people that 97 % of Americans believe that we should have background checks for purchases at gun shows and our politicians don't seem to care what we think anymore.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
I wish I could. It's hard for me to talk about serious subjects. It takes a lot out of me. I do want to be funny. That's fun. It's not fun doing anything like that.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
It's weird they don't have a better process for thinning the herd, have 30 years of reality TV taught the Democrats nothing ? You can't go from 20 candidates right to one. First you have to put them on an island and separate them into tribes.
Found on CNN 4 years ago
The fact that a group of Oscar winners eagerly agreed to play these iconic characters is a testament to the greatness of these shows and their creator, Norman Lear, to be a part of this is a dream come true for me and for everyone involved.
Found on CNN 5 years ago
I haven't been this confused about an ending since the series finale of' Lost,'.
Found on CNN 5 years ago
I think Donald Trump said that about Donald Trump taxes, too, so we'll see.
Found on CNN 5 years ago
He handed what turned out to be an Oscar-caliber role over to his friend and made a Chinese ponytail movie instead, and that movie,' The Great Wall,' went on to lose 80 million dollars. Smooth move, dumba **.
Found on CNN 5 years ago
I'm just waiting for the right person, the right heart, i just hold a lot of value into it.
Found on CNN 5 years ago
And then I was hit with the let's go to commercial break, that interview showed strong personalities with different opinions having a civil conversation.
Found on CNN 5 years ago
I mean, you've so famously and so powerfully said George( W.) Bush doesn't care about black people, it makes me wonder, what makes you think that President Donald Trump does... or any people at all ?
Found on CNN 5 years ago
I would rather we had a chimpanzee as president of the United States. At least with a chimp there would be somebody to eat the bugs out of Rudy Giuliani’s hair.
Found on FOX News 5 years ago
She hates him the most, i would rather we had a chimpanzee as president of the United States. At least with a chimp there would be somebody to eat the bugs out of Rudy Giuliani’s hair.
Found on FOX News 5 years ago
Donald Trump showed up one night outside our show banging on the backstage door. It was 2007, Donald Trump had a half-finished bucket of chicken under Donald Trump arm, donald Trump was screaming that Donald Trump needed to use the bathroom, but unfortunately, there was someone in the bathroom. I believe it wasZach Braffwho was in the bathroom. So Donald Trump took a look around, Donald Trump stuffed the remainder chicken in Donald Trump jacket, Donald Trump dropped Donald Trump pants … Donald Trump did Donald Trump business in the bucket.
Found on FOX News 5 years ago
You know, it’s a funny thing. We all know, like even the people who like the president know he makes things up, but still, it’s weird to hear him tell a lie that’s specifically involves you, for the record, not only was I not on the sidewalk waiting for him, opening the door to his car, I did n’t even go to his dressing room to sell hello before the show. I never do. In 15 years, I probably, I do n’t know, I’ve done it like seven times.
Found on FOX News 5 years ago
I’ll just file an official complaint and let them sort it out, this could be very expensive.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
He’ll have another surgery when he’s around 6 or 7 years old, but in the meantime, he’s doing great.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
There were secrets we kept from each other that we revealed only after the second surgery. The biggest one was that, I think subconsciously, we didn’t want to get too close to the baby because we didn’t know what was going to happen.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
My mother, unbeknownst to me, spent the weekend making Oscar cookies, and she put glitter [ on them ], I don’t know if it was edible or what. Cookies which she then packed in disposable Tupperware boxes and brought to the show. But Kimmel's mother didn't stop there. The concerned mother proceeded to make sure all the Oscars attendees got their fill of sugar and offered her cookies the stars during the show.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
We were talking about our appreciation for people who go to the movies, and that is you guys. And we have a surprise for you as well: I noticed you don’t have any snacks.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
You know, a lot of people have been thanked tonight. Producers, directors, Mexico got a thanks. And deservedly so. Many of you would not be here without the people you're thanking, but there's another group that deserves our thanks even more, because without them, none of us would be here, so I want to take a moment to thank the people who actually go to see the movies you make.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
The stunning Lupita Nyong ’ o, Kumail Nanjiani was born in Mexico and raised in Kenya, let the tweetstorm from the president's toilet begin !
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
Now stage one, is, of course, denial. As in, ‘No, the host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ is not our president, he can’t possibly be’, ‘CNN must have the map wrong, they must have missed a county or something’.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
It’s not like she was intentionally trying to ruin the song, and in Fergie’s defense, we don’t know what Francis Scott Key was thinking when he wrote the ‘Star-Spangled Banner.’ Maybe he wanted it to be sexy.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
In hindsight, trying to work in the words ‘my humps my humps, my lovely lady lumps’ may have been a mistake.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
Here’s the thing about taking risks when it comes to the national anthem: Don’t. Just don’t, don’t take risks when you’re doing brain surgery, don’t take risks driving a school bus – or singing the national anthem. Just regular is fine.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
I didn’t realize I was on camera – but then my phone started just buzzing with text after text and I was like ‘Oh, I think I might have been on camera,’ fergie even apologized for her performance. She said she tried her best and the reasons she decided to sing the song that way because she is a ‘risk taker.’.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
You said it after Vegas, you said it after Sandy Hook, you say that every one of these eight fatal school shootings in this country this year. Children are being murdered.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
Tell these Congressmen – and lobbyists – who infest that swamp you said you were going to drain, force these allegedly-Christian men – and women – who stuff their pockets with money from the NRA year after year after year – to do something. Now. Not later. Now.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
Force these allegedly-Christian men – and women – who stuff their pockets with money from the NRA year after year after year – to do something. Now. Not later. Now.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
You did that. Your party voted to repeal the mandates on coverage for mental health. So, I agree, this is a mental illness issue because if you don’t agree we need to do something about it, you’re obviously mentally ill.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
I think Donald Trump actually wants a government shutdown, i think Donald Trump think it would be like a snow day for Donald Trump to take off.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
Some nights you wish you could balance it out a little bit so that you can cover a variety of subjects, but it’s relentless.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
I felt like Seth made a joke last night that was specifically from me, he said his monologue was like sending the first dog into space to see if it came back alive, and I did feel that way… I was like ‘I have to see what Seth says and how it’s received’… and I thank him for being that litmus test.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
More than 40 percent of those impacted by the cuts would be children, if your baby is going to die -- and it doesn't have to -- it shouldn't matter how much money you make. I hope you never have to go there but if you do you’ll see so many kids from so many financial backgrounds being cared for so well with so much compassion.
Found on FOX News 6 years ago
There is no one I would love to fight more than you, i will put my Christian values aside just for you and for that fight.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
If your baby is going to die and Read MoreHe doesn't have to, Read MoreHe shouldn't matter how much money you make.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
We were brought up to believe that we live in the greatest country in the world, but until a few years ago, millions and millions of us had no access to health insurance at all.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
There's one smart person in our family, and she counseled us and explained everything to our family so I didn't have to.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
They actually increased funding by $2 billion and I applaud them for doing that.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
Six pushes, he was out, he appeared to be a healthy normal baby until about three hours after he was born.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
It's a terrifying thing, you know, my wife is back in the recovery room, she has no idea what's going on and I'm standing in the middle of a lot of worried looking people -- kind of like right now -- who were trying to figure out what the problem is.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
He appeared to be a healthy normal baby until about three hours after he was born.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
You know, my wife is back in the recovery room, she has no idea what's going on and I'm standing in the middle of a lot of worried looking people -- kind of like right now -- who were trying to figure out what the problem is.
Found on CNN 6 years ago
I know it sounds crazy to say 'he was too young' but he was, he was youthful and funny and sharp and generous and I was fortunate not only to have Don on this show as my guest but also to become close to him and his wife Barbara which was a lot of fun for me.
Found on CNN 7 years ago
There are two dozen articles – and thousands of comments online – suggesting that this is a prank – and I am responsible for it, and I have to say – that’s disappointing. You play like 50 pranks and all of a sudden people don't trust you anymore.
Found on FOX News 9 years ago
It just kind of closed up on its own, i don’t know why it happened. I still don’t know why.
Found on FOX News 9 years ago
You keep suggesting we' like' something, stop it, because we barely like you.
Found on CNN 9 years ago
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