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P. G. Wodehouse

English writer known for his humorous novels and stories (1881-1975)

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At five minutes to eleven on the morning named he was at the station, a false beard and spectacles shielding his identity from the public eye. If you had asked him he would have said that he was a Scotch business man. As a matter a fact, he looked far more like a motor-car coming through a haystack.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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“As a sleuth you are poor. You couldn’t detect a bass-drum in a telephone-booth.”

– P. G. Wodehouse

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...the shifty, hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to talk French.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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Work, the what's-its-name of the thingummy and the thing-um-a-bob of the what d'you-call-it.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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To my daughter Leonora without whose never failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been completed in half the time.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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Henry glanced hastily at the mirror. Yes, he did look rather old. He must have overdone some of the lines on his forehead. He looked something between a youngish centenarian and a nonagenarian who had seen a good deal of trouble.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: It might have been!

– P. G. Wodehouse

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Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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His was a life which lacked, perhaps, the sublimer emotions which raised Man to the level of the gods, but it was undeniably an extremely happy one. He never experienced the thrill of ambition fulfilled, but, on the other hand, he never knew the agony of ambition frustrated....

– P. G. Wodehouse

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If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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Routine is the death to heroism.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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The village of Market Blandings is one of those sleepy hamlets which modern progress has failed to touch... The church is Norman, and the intelligence of the majority of the natives palaeozoic.

– P. G. Wodehouse

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