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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
The Meaning Of Life The reason that we're all here is that it was too crowded where we were supposed to go.
I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here.
Have you heard the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac , who was pacing & pacing thru the night , wondering if there's really a 'Dog' ?
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you'
They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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