Garfield: The Movie

Nermal:
Why would he do a thing like that?

Garfield:
Gee, I don't know, Nermal.

Nermal:
It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringing a dog into a house that already has a cat.

Garfield:
Can we drop it? I mean, it's no BIG deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life.

Nermal:
A bug?

Garfield:
A dimwitted, smelly, goofy, splattered bug that I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically.

Garfield:
Oh, Sleeping Beauty, wake up! You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here now. Just wake up. You've got work to do. You're not just my owner, you're my primary care-giver!

Jon:
(still asleep) Not now, Garfield.

Luca:
You're on the wrong side of the street, fat cat. Beat it!

Garfield:
And you, Luca, the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Luca:
Okay, that's it. You're gonna get it good today.

Garfield:
I make a point to get it good every day. The real question, Luca, is how shall I outwit you this time?

Luca:
What?

Garfield:
Shall I baffle you with simple math?

Luca:
I know how to spell.

Garfield:
Or should I distract you with something shiny?

Luca:
Now you're making fun of me.

Garfield:
I hope so. You're no fun to look at.

Luca:
You'll never get the best of me! Aaah!

Garfield:
I think I just did.

Luca:
Not the ducks again!

Garfield:
Jump back! And kiss myself. Oooh!

Luca:
If I ever get off this chain, you're goin' down.

Garfield:
Everybody back up! I don't know how wild this thing is gonna get. I love the smell of cinnamon-apple in the morning. It smells like... victory.

Luca:
Oooh! I hate this fat cat.

Garfield:
[feel relaxed] Aah. So much time and so little I need to do. [Just a chubby little mouse appears when Jon spots it]

Jon:
Mouse! [Garfield spots also]

Garfield:
No thanks, I'm full.

Garfield:
[feel relaxed at home] Oh, do I feel good this morning. I slept like a fat CAT. Hey, tall dark and human, what's for breakfast?

Jon:
[looking for Odie, concerned] Odie! Where are you boy?

Garfield:
Relax, I think he was gonna camp out.

Jon:
Odie?

Garfield:
Well, he probably had a sleepover at Luca's, I think.

Jon:
Odie! Odie?

Garfield:
Well, maybe he's fetching the paper for the neighbors. Where is that silly dog?

Garfield:
Oh...delicious!

Arlene:
Poor Odie. That cat is such a pig!

Nermal:
Garfield's a pig?

Arlene:
You never put the dog out at night.

Nermal:
Why not?

Arlene:
Because dogs...run away.

Happy Chapman:
Any sign from the network yet?

Wendell:
No, but they're looking for a dog act on Good Day New York.

Happy Chapman:
Dog act?! Story of my life: Looking for a dog and I'm stuck with a cat!

Wendell:
I thought the segment went quite well!

Happy Chapman:
(mockingly) "I thought the segment went quite well!" Of course it went well, you TOAD! The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

Garfield:
You just can't do this, Jon. He's trying to tear us apart. Don't you see that? You know me, I'm too lazy to try to destroy your house. I was provoked, pushed, prodded, driven mad. You can't kick me out of my own house like I'm some kind of animal! Oh come on Jon, Jon. You know I'm scared in the dark.

Luca:
Hey! What are you lookin' at?

Garfield:
Nothing, just looking for some company.

Nermal:
Keep walking, creepo.

Garfield:
What's going on?

Arlene:
We know how much you hated Odie. We know how much you wanted him gone!

Garfield:
Wait a minute. All I wanted was to sleep in "My Own" bed!

Arlene:
And to do it, you cast Odie out into the cold, cruel world?!

Nermal:
We saw how you locked Odie outside last night!

Garfield:
Oh! I don't believe you guys, I didn't know he was gonna run away. He's a DUMB DOG! No, offense, Luca?

Luca:
Uh, what?

Garfield:
You can't blame me for that.

Nermal:
Any one of us could be next.

Arlene:
Yeah. There's no room for anybody else in Garfield's world.

Garfield:
Huh? Oh, that's a little dramatic.

Jon:
It's liver-flavored.

Garfield:
(sarcastically) Mmm, delicious...yuck! (when Jon comes back with a fork he does not notice that Garfield has taken his hash-browns and has put his own bowl of cat-food where Jon left his own breakfast; Jon accidentally takes a bite of the cat food)

Jon:
AGH!! Oh, LIVER...!! (he runs to the sink and vomits)

Garfield:
(smugly) Actually, it's liver-flavored.

Arlene:
Garfield, are you all right?

Garfield:
I think so. Luca's about to have Odie for lunch.

Arlene:
If it wasn't for Odie, you'd be Luca's chew toy.

Nermal:
Yeah, he saved your life. Odie's a hero!

Garfield:
Thanks a lot, partner.

Louis:
Oh, yeah. Hold up, G!

Garfield:
[surprised] What?

Louis:
Watch out for the popo! You know, 5-o? Controlo?

Garfield:
[still surprised] Huh?

Louis:
[start to crazy] Animal control, man!

Garfield:
Oh, that popo!

Garfield:
Louis! What are you doing in the house, when Jon's home?

Louis:
Sorry, Garfield. Man, I couldn't help it!

Garfield:
Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

Louis:
Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies! I'm trying to maintain. You understand?

Garfield:
Sure, as long as you understand that I have to eat you. [Louis moans]

Happy Chapman:
(arrogantly) I can't go on like this anymore, Wendell. I've got to get a dog.

Wendell:
Well I think that is a lovely idea! I know you've been sad and lonely since the divorce, and I've tried to be a friend...

Happy Chapman:
Not for me, you imbecile! For the act! If I could get my hands on a really talented dog, wouldn't Walter J. just choke on his Emmy?

Wendell:
(sees something) Like Odie?

Happy Chapman:
Yeah, yeah. Now he was good. He was kind of dopey-looking and spry and--

Wendell:
(sees the LOST poster) Lost? (sees Odie on the poster)

Happy Chapman:
Huh? (Chapman comes over to the window to see the lost poster; His eyes widen upon recognizing the dog)

Happy Chapman:
I believe you found my dog. He answers to "Odie".

Mrs. Baker:
Odie?

Happy Chapman:
Family name. Oh, Odie! Oh, come on! There you are! Yes! I can live again now. How could I ever repay you?

Mrs. Baker:
An autograph would be splendid!

Happy Chapman:
Then splendid it shall be.