Korgoth of Barbaria

Korgoth:
I've dated girls uglier than you for breakfast.

Scrotus:
You! You will regret what you have done this day. I will make you regret ever being born! You're going to wish you'd never left your mother's womb, where it was warm, and safe, and wet. I'm going to show you pain you never knew existed. You're going to see a whole new spectrum of pain like a rainbow!

Hargon:
You tell 'em Scrotus! *screams as Korgoth crushes his head some more*

Scrotus:
But! This rainbow, is not just like any other rainbow, it's- *gets interrupted by Korgoth ripping his skin off*

Korgoth:
[surprised] Hairy balls of the Gods!

Hargon:
What in the name of Balak are you doing that for?

Korgoth:
*splashes pigeon crap on himself* Slather yourself in the flyer's dung, they will take you as one of their own.

Henchman:
Nonsense! My grandfather smuggled parakeets for thrity years! I'll show you. Hey, you big dumb bird, look at me! I- *gets bitten in half by the giant pidgeon*

Korgoth:
Hairy balls of the gods!

[theme narration]

Narrator:
The Great Cities have risen and fallen. Civilization's grip on mankind has grown weak and arthritic. Dark forces seek to renew forgotten covenants, and primordial beasts reclaim the wilderness. Out of the frozen north, a man emerges - a man of a barbaric age, whose merciless savagery may be the only key to his survival. They call him Korgoth!

Gog-Ma-Gogg:
Tell me, do you know of the wizard Specules?

Korgoth:
I despise all weavers of the black arts. Speaking of which, could you pass the gravy?

Gog-Ma-Gogg:
Interesting heh?

Korgoth:
I didn't know there would be this much talking.